Janet did not press. Instead, she joined Drew, and they practiced black belt forms together. As the students began to arrive, Drew turned to Janet saying, “I cannot stay for class tonight.”

“We will be here when you are ready.”

Drew bowed. “Thank you.”

She stayed away two weeks, and during that time, class continued as normal except for Sean. She had lost her focus. She forgot forms she knew by heart, her balance was bad; she was frustrated and self-critical. Finally, after class one night, Master Cho called her aside.

“What is troubling you, Sean?”

Sean was acutely embarrassed. She knew she wasn’t doing well in class, and the added pressure of her approaching black belt test weighed on her mind.

“I’m sorry, Master Cho. I’m trying but I cant seem to concentrate.”

“That is because your mind is elsewhere. You must learn to use your training to center your mind feel only your body, listen only to your body. Let your mind surrender to your body. Trust your self the calm is there within you. Let it out.”

Sean nodded. “I will try.”

“Good. You will succeed. Be patient with yourself.”

“Master Cho,” Sean asked before she could stop herself, “is Master Clark coming back?”

“She will be back,” her teacher said.

When Drew returned, Sean settled down. Just seeing her helped. When Drew hadn’t returned to class after the night of the party, Sean had been afraid she would never see her again. Even though there was no way to bridge the distance between them, it was wonderful just to see her. Drew behaved toward her as she always had, although every now and then, Sean could feel Drew’s eyes on her from across the room. When she looked over, there was that same searching stare she had first seen the night of her test. In an instant it would be gone. By the same token, Sean took every opportunity she could to watch Drew. When Drew would demonstrate a technique for the class, Sean watched the way her body moved, the crispness and efficiency of her techniques, the focus in her eyes. When she imagined the woman within the warrior, she remembered how Drew’s body felt against her, and her cheeks would flush unbidden.

What neither of them realized was that their secret glances did not go unnoticed. While they both sought to keep their interest from the other, Janet Cho watched in silence.

Sean pulled up to the dark house, surprised that Susan had gone out. Usually she worked week nights at home, preferring to sleep at Ellen’s on the weekends. She frowned as she parked beside Susan’s car in the car port. If she was home, why was the house dark?

“Suse?” she called into the eerily empty house. “You home?”

She flicked on the kitchen light and caught her breath. There was an open bottle of vodka on the table, and it was nearly empty.

“Susan,” she cried, running for the stairs to Susan’s room. “Are you here?” She pushed Susan’s doors open but the bedroom was empty. Sean began to panic. Something was not right really not right.

She searched Susan’s wing of the house, then her office and the library. Finally she headed for the terrace. She found her on the wall overlooking the garden. She had a glass in her hand.

“Susan,” Sean said calmly, “what are you doing, Hon?”

Susan looked over her shoulder and took a swallow from her glass.

“Hi, Sis. Care to join me in a drink?”

Sean’s heart plummeted. “What happened, Suse? What’s wrong?”

“Ellen left me,” Susan said.

Sean’s jaw dropped. “No! You mean you had a fight, right?”

“No, Sean,” Susan said, enunciating each word carefully. “I mean, Ellen left me for someone else.”

“Ellen? Ellen is having an affair?” Sean couldn’t get her mind around it. Ellen, her friend and partner, the woman she saw every day of her life was having an affair?

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Yes! I’m sure. She told me. Somebody named Gail.”

Sean had a sick feeling in her stomach. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t have been Gail Driscoll and Ellen in the library the night of the party. It couldn’t be.

“Where are you going,” she cried, as Susan moved unsteadily toward the house.

“To get another drink.”

Sean grabbed her arm. “Oh, no you’re not. Not after six years of sobriety, you’re not!”

Susan shook her arm off roughly. “Leave me alone, Sean.”

“Not on your life. You’ll kill yourself with this much alcohol!”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine! You’re coming inside with me. I mean it!” She spun Susan around and barely ducked her head in time to avoid the glass Susan flung at her. They both stood in stunned silence.

At last the tears came, and Sean gathered her twin into her arms, holding her tightly.

“It’ll be okay, baby. Ill talk to her. Well sort this out.”

Suddenly Susan pulled away.

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

Sean got her inside and held her head while she vomited until her stomach was empty, and then some. She crooned soothing words to her, brushing the tangled hair from her eyes, fighting the desire to kill both Gail and Ellen for hurting her sister like this and for putting a drink in her hand after six years.

Sean was waiting in the office the next day when Ellen arrived. She was happy to see that Ellen’s face was pale and drawn.

“We need to talk, Ellen.”

“So you know?” Ellen said tiredly.

“I don’t know your side of it. And I want to. Susan was drunk last night, Ellen. I want you to explain to me why.”

Ellen closed her eyes. “Oh god! Is she all right?”

“Of course she’s not all right!”

“I didn’t think she would drink believe me, I didn’t. I would have stayed with her until you got home if I had.” Ellen sank onto the office couch, tears streaming from her swollen eyes.

“Tell me what’s happening.”

Ellen shrugged helplessly. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did. Isn’t that how these things always happen?”

“Is it Gail Driscoll?”

“Yes.”

“My god, Ellen!” Sean snapped, “Are you crazy? She’s twenty years old! What could possibly have possessed you?”

“She’s not twenty! She’s twenty-two. And, she’s crazy about me and I needed that. I needed to feel like I was really wanted.”

“And you think Susan doesn’t want you? Do you think she drank herself into oblivion because she doesn’t want you?”

Finally, Ellen got angry. “Six years, Sean. We’ve been together six years, and I get to sleep with her two nights a week. I get to wake up with her if I’m lucky two mornings a week. She’s kept me at arms length all these years, and I’ve finally had enough! I want a full-time lover, a full-time life!”

“And you think you’ll have that with a woman ten years younger than you? Ten big years younger?”

“It happens,” Ellen said defensively.

Sean stared at Ellen, her emotions in turmoil. She knew how much pain Ellen had been in, and how Susan’s resistance to living with her had continued to distance them. But all she could see at that moment was the naked anguish in her sisters face.

“What about Susan? Have you stopped loving her?”

Ellen began to cry again, racking sobs that shook her slender frame.

“Oh god I don’t want to love her! I keep praying Ill wake up and I wont anymore.”

Finally Ellen’s pain reached Sean. She moved to the couch and gathered her into her arms. She pressed Ellen’s face to her shoulder and rocked her.

“What a mess!” Sean muttered. She forced Ellen to look at her. “Are you in love with Gail Driscoll?”

Ellen lowered her eyes. “More like seriously in lust.”

“Terrific. And how do you think you’ll feel in six months when you’ve finally stopped fucking each others brains out?”

“I hope well still have a relationship,” Ellen said hollowly.

“Will you stop seeing her long enough to talk this all out with Susan in therapy?”

Ellen laughed bitterly. “You know as well as I do Susan wont go to therapy.”

Sean raised her hand to stop her. “If she would, can you put a halt to this affair and try to sort out the issues?”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Ellen, please! Susan loves you, she needs you. Please!” Sean cried desperately.

Ellen rose despondently. “I have to think about it, Sean. I feel like I’m at the end of the road with Susan.”

“Just think about it, please. For all of us.”

CHAPTER SIX

Drew knew there was a problem as soon as Sean entered the dojang . She went directly to the rear of the room, stored her gear, donned her uniform and began to warm up. She hadn’t greeted anyone or even looked at anyone not even Drew. Drew considered speaking to her and then thought better of it. Whatever it was, it was none of her concern. Drew was running class that night while Master Cho and Sabum Roma were at a seminar. After calling the class to order, she spent a half hour going over sparring drills. Sean seemed fine, although withdrawn.

“Get your sparring gear on,” Drew called.

The class hurried to comply, and they lined up for further instructions.

“I want you to concentrate on techniques hand combinations, double kicks, moving out of your opponents kicking range and into your own. Use this opportunity to practice the things we’ve been doing in class.”

Everything went well with the lower ranks. Drew watched them carefully, urging the more reticent under belts to make body contact and to accept being hit.

“The point of practice is to learn to accept pain in a controlled situation. You cannot afford to be overcome by pain during a real attack. You have to absorb the pain let it flow through you and be gone. When you let it in, it loses its power. Try again!”

“Gail, Sean. You’re up. Black belt rules remember to guard your faces.”