Chapter Eighteen


As time passed Lauren proved true to her word. On the average of once a week, she invited Anna to the theatre or out for dinner. The only place Anna refused to accompany her was to the symphony. Anna hadnt been able to listen to any kind of music that reminded her of Graham, and the thought of a concert hall brought twisting pain to her depths. In her mind, the concert stage would always belong to Graham; her memory held so many images of her there. Seeing Annas response the first time she asked her, Lauren never asked her again.

Anna enjoyed their time together, coming to value their relationship immensely. She would not speak of her past, and Lauren did not press her. When they parted, Lauren kissed her lightly on the cheek. It didnt escape Annas notice that occasionally Lauren would look at her with a question in her eyes, but Anna never felt pressured to move their relationship onto a more intimate level. Anna hoped that their friendship was as rewarding to Lauren as it had come to be to her.

Early one morning the phone on her desk rang. It was Lauren.

"Can I see you in my office for a minute?"

"Ill be right there," Anna replied, rolling up the plan she had been working on.

When Anna entered, Lauren motioned for Anna to join her at the large drafting table situated before the enormous windows overlooking the Boston Commons. She indicated a layout pinned to the board. She was clearly excited.

"The Randolph renovations have progressed exceptionally well. The article featuring our work in the Times last weekend has really fostered interest in estate reclamation. This area is ripe for it. I think its time to push the promotional we discussed when you first interviewed. Id like to use your work at Yardley as the centerpiece. Its one of the oldest estates on the Cape and will be easily recognized by prospective clients. Since Yardley is so well known to you, and the concept of marketing estate landscape restoration is really yours as well, Id like you to oversee the project. Well need detailed plans, as well as photodocumentation. I want you to put your other projects on hold until this is off the ground."

Anna stood stunned and speechless, while Lauren looked at her expectantly. Of course she should be honored that Lauren would entrust such an important project to her direction, and it was what she had been training to dobut, oh god, not at Yardley! Her composure threatened to give way under a wave of panic.

"I cant," she finally whispered.

Lauren stared at her in astonishment. "What do you mean, you cant? Is it because of your thesis? I thought you had that nearly wrapped up."

"No," Anna forced herself to say calmly. "Ill work on the promotionalanything else you want. Anything. But I cant do the work on Yardley."

"But Anna, I want Yardley as the main work. Thats where I need you!"

Anna passed a trembling hand across her face, trying to gather her wits. Just the mention of Yardley had brought a flood of memories, and such pain she thought she might be ill. God, what would she do if she actually had to see Graham? It was impossible! She couldnt do it!

"Anna, were friends. Tell me what this is all about." Lauren laid her hand gently on Annas arm, her concern genuine. Anna was trembling.

Anna turned to face her, an agony of despair clearly visible. Lauren had never seen such desolation, and her heart surged with compassion.

"Tell me, sweetheart."

"I cant go back to Yardley," Anna said at last, her voice shaking.

"Why not?"

"Graham" Anna began, barely able to say her name. "I cant see her. I cant." She looked at Lauren pleadingly. "Please dont ask me to, Lauren. It would kill me."

Lauren studied her for long moments, the pieces slowly falling into place. She knew that Anna had lived at Yardley but had never given it any thought. Now Annas isolation and depression were more understandable.

"Graham Yardley - the composer," Lauren said softly. "Shes the woman youre in love with, isnt she?"

Anna closed her eyes, trying to stem the tears, failing. "Yes," she choked out, turning from her friend, struggling for control. She felt a tender hand on her shoulder, heard a soft voice murmur her name, and she turned into the arms that waited for her. Lauren held her gently, letting her cry, not trying to tell her it as all right when it so obviously wasnt. At length Anna drew away, fumbling for a tissue, embarrassed.

"Im sorry," she said. "I didnt expect this - if I dont think about her, I seem to be able to manage. You took me by surprise."

Lauren let out a long breath. "Anna, youve always been honest with me and I care about you. I dont want to see you suffer like this any longer, and Ill admit not all of my reasons are selfless ones. I wont pretend that I dont want more from our relationship, but this isnt about that. This is destroying you. You need to give her upyou have the rest of your life, dont allow it to be an empty one. Maybe if you work on the project, it will help you heal."

Anna laughed almost hysterically. "Heal? You cant heal whats already dead, and thats what I am inside, Lauren. Dead. All Im trying to do now is make it from day to day. If I have to see Graham, I wont even be able to do that! Shes not something I can just give up! Shes in every part of me. You cant imagine what being near her is like for me!"

Lauren winced at the truth of Annas words. It wasnt easy to be faced with the extent of Annas passion for another woman, but nevertheless her tone was kind as she offered, "You wont have to see her. She isnt there."

Anna grasped the edge of the table, her head suddenly light. "Oh, dear god, has something happened to her? Is she all right?"

"As far as I know, she is. David Norcross told me that no one had been in residence at Yardley since last fall, but that he would provide us with keys if we needed access." Seeing the look of panic on Annas face, she added gently, "Thats really all I know."

Anna forced down the surge of panic. "I cant make a decision about this now, Lauren. Give me a little timejust a few day, please."

Lauren nodded, reluctantly accepting that Annas heart still belonged completely to Graham Yardley. Despite her own disappointment, as a friend, she would have to let Anna find her own way.

"Ill need your answer by the end of next week ," she conceded.

**********

That night Anna dreamed of Yardley, and of Graham. A storm was coming, like the storm that brought down the sycamore. She was in the garden, the sky darkening around her. Turning to the sea, she saw Graham standing at the edge of the cliff, struggling to stay upright in the gale. She seemed even thinner in the distant gloom, wraithlike, and in danger of being swept from the earth by the force of the snarling winds. Annas cries to her were flung back in her face by the howling blasts. She must reach her!!

"Graham, Im coming," she screamed soundlessly, "Im coming, my darling!!" She fought to move, choking with panic, able only to watch in horror as Graham was flung by the whirlwind into the raging waters.

"No!" she wailed into the night, finally dragging herself to consciousness. She lay gasping, soaked in sweat, her face streaked with tears. The aftermath of her dream left her awash with loss. "Oh God Graham," she whispered into the darkness, "I love you so much."

**********

Anna drove slowly up the drive to Yardley Manor, her heart pounding. Yardley appeared abandoned, dark and foreboding. The shutters were all closed, and windswept debris littered the walks and the wide front porch. She parked her Jeep behind the house by the kitchen and walked down the steep garden path toward the sea. She stopped at the site of the fallen sycamore, thinking of how that accident had finally brought Graham into her arms. Oh, god, she thought she had found heaven. How could she have been so wrong!

She stood for many minutes looking out to the sea, images flashing through her mind like slides on a screen. She recalled how Graham had looked that first day in the library, pale and stern, and so stubborn and proud! She had been drawn to her even then. She remembered the slow building of her love as she had come to know more of the gentle, tortured soul Graham kept hidden within. What finally started tears flowing was the memory of Grahams musicits haunting beauty and the even more beautiful image of Graham playing. As the music cascaded through her mind, so too did the remembrance of their lovemaking. She ached for Grahams touch, and to touch her in return.

Watching the waves crash below, ominous in their fury, she was reminded of the desolation she had felt in her dream. She couldnt continue to live like this. Anna felt a strange steeling of her heart, and a new determination. Replacing the pain that accompanied each breath was a rising anger, and the resolution to put an end to this torment. As she turned and began the long climb back, Anna became aware of another sensations in her heart. She finally recognized that it was hope.


Chapter Nineteen


"Im afraid I simply cannot reveal that information. Im truly sorry."

Anna looked at David Norcross and repeated determinedly, "I must see her. Where has she gone?"

Norcross sighed. "I have strict instructions that no one is to be given that information. If youd like, you can leave a message." His look suggested there was little chance that Graham would return anyones message.

Anna shook her head. "No, I need to talk to her in person."

"If it were a matter of life or death, perhaps."

"Mr. Norcross, it is a matter of life or death. My life and hers." Seeing the surprised look on his face, Anna continued, her eyes locked on his. "I love Graham Yardley. And she loves meI hope. I let her drive me away, but I cant believe thats what she really wants. Please, I must see her. Now, before its too late." Even as she spoke, she struggled with a strange sense of foreboding. She couldnt dispel the feeling that something was terribly wrong.