Late one evening, to Helens surprise, Graham came to the door of her sitting room.
"Graham, good gracious!" she exclaimed. "Whats wrong?"
"Helen," Graham said urgently, without preamble. "Where is Anna?"
Helen glanced at the clock on her mantle. It was almost eleven, and it occurred to her she hadnt seen Anna all evening. "I dont know. She wasnt here for dinner. Hasnt she come up?"
"No, and I havent heard the Jeep return," Graham remarked, barely able to hide her anxiety. In some part of her consciousness she waited for the day Anna would not return. It was impossible for her to work freely when Anna wasnt about the house or grounds. Especially recently, since their estrangement, she found herself listening for Anna's step in the hall or the distinctive crunch of gravel in the drive. As much as she expected Anna to leave, she feared it. When it happened, she would lose whatever small purchase on life she had left.
Helen could read the fear in Grahams face. Ordinarily she wouldnt have worried, but Anna hadnt been herself lately. Since the night they talked in the kitchen, Anna had been distracted and almost dazed. Helen worried she might have had an accident.
It was hard for Helen not to think of that awful night when the call had come about Graham. She remembered only too well the agonizing hour they had all spent while men worked to free her from the wreckage. It was an hour spent not knowing if she were still alive. Helen struggled to dispel the image and quell the surge of alarm. Anna must simply have forgotten to mention her plans. Any other possibility was more than she could bear to contemplate.
She struggled to keep her voice even. "Im sure shes fine, Graham. Go on to bed. Ill be up. If theres any problem, shell call."
A look of panic flickered across Grahams face. Helen knew as well as she that Anna never absented herself without word. With effort she said evenly, "Of course, youre right. Just the same, Ill wait in the library in case she calls."
Helen listened to the echo of her retreating steps, losing sight of her as she descended the dark stairway with a measured step. She knew Graham was every bit as stretched to the limit as Anna seemed to be. She wondered fearfully which one of them would lose the thin rein of control first.
The hallway was dark when Anna let herself into the house just after one in the morning. She jumped when a voice called out to her.
"Anna?"
Anna fumbled for the light switch as she stepped into the library. Graham was seated in a chair before the window that fronted the main drive, as she had been for hours.
"Graham?" Anna asked in surprise "What are you doing in here?"
"We were worriedHelen and I. I was waiting in case you called." Graham rose, and began to pace restlessly. "Although god knows what I thought I could do about it if you were in trouble," she laughed bitterly. "We make a fine pair, Helen and I. One who cant drive, and the other one blind!"
"Oh god, Graham," Anna cried. "I stayed to have dinner with my graduate advisorit wasnt planned. I should have called, but we started talking and I lost track of the time!" She felt miserable for having worried either of them.
Graham made an impatient gesture, infuriated with her helplessness, embarrassed by her near panic. "Nonsense. You dont owe either of us an explanation. Your private life is none of our affair. Where you spend your time- and with whom, does not concern us."
Anna gaped at her. She had to be the most infuriating woman she had ever met! "Is that what you think? That I was out on a date for gods sake?"
Graham straightened her shoulders, anger replacing her worry. There was no need for Anna to know she had spent several anxious hours fearing she had left for good. "I dont think anything one way or the other, nor do I care. As I said-"
"I know damn well what you said , Graham," Anna seethed, absolutely beyond caring whether she offended Graham or not. "What I dont understand is why you said it! You know very well how I feel about you, whether you chose to acknowledge it or not. Ive done everything short of begging you!! Dont insult me by suggesting I would simply wander off and find consolation elsewhere. Do you think youre the only one capable of a true and honorable emotion?? Damn your arrogance!"
"It was not my intention to insult you, Anna," Graham replied in an amazingly calm tone. She couldnt remember the last time someone raised their voice to her, other than Christine. Annas sincere distress had a greater affect on her than Christines tirades ever had. "I did not mean for us to come to this," she said softly. "I never meant to misrepresent myself to you in any way."
"Dont worry, Graham. You havent," Anna snapped. "It is I who have been mistaken, but I assure you, I will not trouble you again!" She grabbed her knapsack, intent on retreating before she completely lost the last vestige of restraint. She had tried so hard to be patient, to accept the depth of Grahams loss and disappointment, but it hadnt made any difference and she doubted it ever would.
"I have legal matters that require your assistance. Ill need to meet with you tomorrow," Graham said as Anna stepped out into the hall. She hated this animosity between them, but there seemed no other way.
"Certainly," Anna rejoined coldly. "Ill see you in the afternoon."
Anna left her there, but she could not bring herself to turn out the light, even though the darkness would not matter to Graham.
**********
Anna worked furiouslydigging up buried roots with a spade, slashing through briars with a machete, flinging clods of earth aside with a vengeance. Her pace matched her moodshe was still boiling. She wasnt sure whom she was angrier withGraham or herself. What had she expected? Graham Yardley was a wealthy, gifted woman who had known both fame and great passion in her life. Under any circumstances she would hardly be expected to notice someone like Anna, and now, after all she had suffered, she had no special feeling for Anna. Anna struggled for acceptance, but it was so hard! What she felt for Graham went so far beyond anything she had experienced, or dreamed of experiencing. The wanting surpassed simple desireshe felt inextricably linked to her, body and soul. When she saw Graham across the room, when the sound of her voice carried out into the garden, when she heard her piano whisper in the night, fire surged through Annas being. Some primal part of her had been called forth by this woman. The combination of Grahams great strength and her great need had awakened Annas deepest passion. To be near her, and so apart, was unendurable.
She was beginning to contemplate the unthinkable. She might need to leave Yardley. She didnt have the strength to subjugate her desires to reason - she simply couldnt be around Graham and not want her. For a few months she had managed to be content with their carefully contained relationship, but since the instant they had kissed, all that had changed. She couldnt forget it, and she couldnt stop wanting it again. She would lose her mind if she stayed, and if she left she would lose her soul. It was a choice that was no choice at all, and she cursed her own indecisiveness under her breath. She rubbed the tears from her face and grabbed her ax. She intended to cut down every dead limb at Yardley before the day was out!!
While Anna warred with her emotions and the tangled undergrowth, Graham paced the flagstone terrace fighting her own demons. She knew she was hurting Anna by refusing to acknowledge what was between them, and she had no answer for it. Anna had restored life to Yardley, and to herwith Anna had come the scent of fresh flowers and the teasing sound of notes in the air. Graham had responded to both as if light had suddenly been returned to her world. Her heart lifted to the sounds of Annas footsteps in the hall. Annas presence had muted the pain of years of loneliness. But Anna had awakened other senses as wellGraham knew the touch of her hands, the warmth of her skin, the soft fullness of her breasts. She knew the bruising demand of Annas kiss as her lips searched against Grahams mouth. If she made love to her, she would have to acknowledge what was in her heart. If she gave freedom to everything Anna ignited in her, she would never be able to live without her. That was what Graham retreated fromshe dared not entrust her soul again, and she could not love any other way.
They sat thus, separated not by distance, but by uncertainty.
**********
Anna sighed and stepped back from the line of trees she had been pruning. She could hear the delicate strains of the music Graham was playing wafting on the breeze. She glanced up at the sky, noting absently that clouds were amassing out over the ocean. She reached for her worn denim work jacket as the sudden wind off the water brought a brisk chill to the air. She didnt want to return to the house yet, she still felt too unsettled. She needed to fortify herself before she joined Graham in her music room for their late afternoon meeting.
Graham looked up from the keyboard as the curtains floated into the room on a chill breeze. The weight of the air on her face was dense and wet. Something ominous was stirring, and one word clamored in her mind - Anna ! She bolted up from the piano bench in a rush, pushing the terrace doors wide as she stormed through them. From the top of the stairs leading down the flagstone path to the lower reaches of the property, she called out into the gathering wind.
"Anna!!"
Anna looked up at the sound of Grahams voice, amazed to see the sky blackening around her. The rain and heavy winds were upon her before she knew it. In an instant a blinding wall of water blew in from the sea, drenching her and turning the garden path into a hundred yards of steep, slippery mud. To her horror she saw Graham start down toward her.
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