"You really didnt need to open the guest room for me, Helen," Christine commented as she allowed Graham to seat her to Grahams right at the table. She smiled without the slightest trace of warmth, her gaze fixed on Anna. "It wasnt necessary, you know."
Anna glanced at Graham, whose face remained expressionless. But Christine had made her point, if she wanted to make it clear where she intended to sleep. Why she felt it necessary that Anna understand her claim on Graham, Anna couldnt imagine. As if it would make a difference even if Anna did care. Anna gritted her teeth and resolved to make this the last meal she shared with Graham Yardley and her Christine.
The dinner proved to be every bit as difficult to endure as Anna feared. Graham, although attentive to Christines needs and unfailingly courteous, remained distant and distracted throughout the meal. Christine appeared not to notice Grahams preoccupation, regaling them with social gossip and endless anecdotes of her travels. It did not escape Annas notice that Christine never mentioned anything remotely to do with music. For her part, Anna had nothing to contribute, and remained silent. She breathed a sigh of relief when at last she could depart with the excuse of helping Helen clear the table.
"You know you dont have to do this, dear," Helen chided when Anna joined her in the kitchen. " But I do appreciate it."
"I work here, too," Anna said, more sharply than she intended. "Believe me, its a pleasure compared to sitting in there."
Helen studied her speculatively. "I gather the company wasnt to your liking," she commented mildly.
"It was wonderful to finally share a meal with Graham," Anna admitted. Anna had enjoyed Grahams presence immensely, despite Graham's obvious distraction. She only wished it hadnt required Christines arrival to prompt Graham to join them.
"Christine can be a bit overbearing, but you must remember shes always been indulged by every one."
"Including Graham apparently," Anna said ungraciously. She sighed in disgust, as much with herself as the situation. "Oh, I dont know, Helen, it just annoys me the way she hovers over Graham. She poured her wine, she served her food - the next thing you know shell be cutting her meat! You know very well Graham doesnt need that kind of help!!"
"Maybe thats the only kind of help Christine has to offer," Helen suggested sagely.
Anna stopped what she was doing and stared at Helen. "What are you saying, Helen?"
"Christine has always been more glitter than substance. And Graham has always demanded a great deal from people - even before their accident, Christine was frightened by Grahams intensity. If she were to truly confront Grahams needs now, she would be overwhelmed. "
Well, she certainly seems to be meeting some of Grahams needs without any problems ! Anna thought angrily. She knew she couldnt discuss Christine rationally, not with the scene in the library so fresh in her memory.
"I dont know what Im saying any longer," Anna said wearily. "I think I just need to get some rest. Im going to say goodnight to Graham and head upstairs."
She found Graham and Christine just rising from the table upon her return. Before she could say her goodnights, Christine spoke, seemingly oblivious to Annas presence.
"Why dont you play something for me, darling?" she asked, grasping Grahams hand.
Graham could have been carved from marble, she was so still. Slowly, she disengaged Christines fingers from hers, moving Christines hand to the crook of her arm. When she spoke, her voice was carefully neutral. "I think not. I need to work."
"Surely youre not going to work tonight!!" Christine protested, her cheeks flushed with ire.
"Yes," Graham replied with finality.
For an instant Anna thought Christine was about to argue, but the other woman quickly relented.
"All right, if you must. But do promise me youll breakfast with me!"
Graham nodded. "Of course. Now let me show you to your room." As she led Christine from the room, she said softly, "Goodnight, Anna."
**********
For Anna it was anything but a good night. She tried to read, but she couldnt concentrate. She dozed off in her chair, only to be awakened by a noise in the hall. She knew Grahams step by now. The person passing by her door toward the master suite was not Graham Yardley.
There was no doubt, of course, about what she had witnessed earlier in the library. It was clear from what Helen had said and from what she herself had witnessed, that Graham and Christine had been lovers before their accident. It seemed apparent that they were about to resume that relationship now. Graham obviously had never stopped loving Christinethat was the real reason she had secluded herself for so many long and lonely years.
Anna wasnt disturbed by the physical nature of their relationship, but she was stunned by her own response to that kiss. She couldnt bear to think of Graham making love to Christine. That reaction was something she had no reference for, and she was at a loss as to how to cope. She told herself she should be happy that Graham had a chance at happiness, but what she felt instead was a deep sense of loss. Annas emotions were in turmoil. One thing she knew for certainshe could not face them together in the morning!
After a fitful few hours of tossing and turning, she rose just before dawn, dressed by the last of the moonlight, and went out for a walk. Unconsciously she followed the path Graham took each morning down the steep slope to the edge of the cliff. She stood where she had seen Graham stand. Anna closed her eyes and tried to imagine what it was that drew Graham to this lonely precipice. After a moment, she thought she knew. Waves crashed below with a deafening roar, sending needles of spray hundreds of feet up the cliff. The air was so sharp it stung her skin. The wind blew harder here, fresh from over the water, carrying the rich scent of sea life. It was much colder there as well. This would be the first place at Yardley where the morning sun would fall. Condensed in this one spot, in the dark just before dawn, ones senses were so assaulted, you did not need to see to know the essence of the world around you. For a brief instant each day, on the edge of this cliff, Graham Yardley was not blind.
Anna leaned against the crumbling stone wall that rimmed the cliff and cried. She cried for Graham, for all she had been, and all she had lost. She cried for herself, because she loved her, and would never know her. She cried for the years she had spent not knowing herself, only to discover too late what form her love truly took. As she cried the harsh wind dried her tears. When the first faint wisps of summer sunlight flickered across her cheeks, she opened her eyes to a day that dawned clearer, and lonelier, than any she had ever known. She sat on a worn weathered bench to watch the sunrise, and thats where Graham found her.
"Anna?" came the deep voice she could never mistake for another's.
Anna looked up to find Graham beside her, in the same clothes she had worn to dinner, rumpled and exhausted.
"How do you always know?" she asked quietly.
Graham smiled faintly. "The air moves differently when youre near."
"You should have been a poet, not a pianist," Anna breathed around the tears that threatened again. "Although maybe there isnt any difference. Please, sit down."
Graham acquiesced, stretching her long legs out before her, leaning back with a sigh. Her hand lightly grazed Annas shoulder where she rested it along the top of the bench.
"How is your work coming?" Anna asked, unsettled by Grahams nearness, but loath to move away.
Graham shrugged tiredly. "I wish I knew. Im trying only to capture the essence of what Im hearing. I dont dare analyze it yet. Im afraid to discover it is trash."
"Have you slept?"
"Ah, Anna - always so concerned. Why do you care?" she asked not unkindly. Annas caring confounded her. Many people in her life had professed to care about her, but only Helen remained, and she had loved Graham all her life. Why a stranger should extend kindness now, when she was bereft of all her talents, she could not comprehend.
"Because I -" Anna hesitated over words she was not prepared to face. "Because you deserve to be cared about Graham. And youre avoiding my question. Did you sleep?"
"As much as one can in one of those godforsaken chairs from the last century," Graham admitted. "Anna," she continued with a weary sigh, "tell me about something you love. Tell me about something beyond my view."
As Anna spoke, Grahams tension ebbed, and her breathing grew quiet and deep. Anna told of her favorite cities, the movies that made her cry, and the books she had read a dozen times. She talked of her family, and her friends, and her dreams. She talked long after she thought Graham was asleep, because she wanted to keep her near, because it pleased her to imagine that some part of Graham heard her secrets. When at last she fell silent, the day was fully born.
"So," Graham murmured, to Annas surprise awake after all, "You love New York City, French movies with subtitles, wild flowers, and - what else?"
I love you , she answered from her soul. "Yardley -" Anna whispered with an ache in her heart, "I love Yardley."
"Yes," Graham uttered as she pushed herself upright. "I can tell that you do." She frowned as she turned her gaze toward the old house. "Is it seven-thirty yet?"
"Seven-twenty," Anna confirmed.
"I must say good bye then. I have a breakfast engagement."
Anna spoke without thinking. "Surely Christine will understand if you get some sleep! Youve been up all night!"
"Im afraid that Christine never had any patience when my work disrupted her plans," Graham remarked calmly. "Im sure thats one thing that hasnt changed."
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