Lexi Blake - Love and Let Die

He let go and moved away from her.

Charlie dropped to her stomach, the soft bedding catching her fall as Ian hopped off the bed. He got up, stretching and shaking his head like he was clearing it from something.

She tried to catch her breath. “Ian, what’s wrong?”

She watched him in the mirror, her heart falling. All that passion he’d offered her moments before was gone.

His face was expressionless as he peeled the condom off, tying it neatly. “You need to get to the locker room, shower, and get dressed. We’re meeting Alex and Eve in forty-five minutes. Make sure your sister is ready, too.”

She turned, pushing herself up. “Ian?”

“You need to hurry. I don’t want it to get too late before we head back to my place. Apparently we have to drive by Alex’s new house because the contractors fucked something up. That’s what he gets for hiring the lowest bidder. I told him, but he never listens to me. So get moving.” He started toward what looked to be a small bathroom.

He was talking like it was perfectly normal to fuck a girl silly and then complain about his best friend’s hiring practices. He was behaving like absolutely nothing amazing had just happened. Now she was cold again.

She pulled at the robe she’d tossed aside. “Ian, what’s wrong? Shouldn’t we talk about it?”

She tried not to, but her eyes were filling with tears.

“Nothing’s wrong, Charlie, and there’s absolutely nothing to talk about. I’m just done with sex, and I have things I have to do tonight. Unfortunately you’re tied to me right now so you have things to do, too. Where I go, you go, so get a move on.” He walked into the bathroom.

“Why are you being so cold?” It didn’t compute. She couldn’t wrap her mind around it. He’d been so hot just seconds before. She’d been right there with him. Their bodies had been pressed together, and she would have sworn he felt everything she did. He’d held her so tight, like she was the most precious thing in the world and he couldn’t let her go. It had been like those five years between them melted away and they were back together, back when they were just discovering each other.

He stepped back out, his hands on those sculpted hips. “I’m not being cold, Charlie. I’m done. This is how I am after I’m done with sex. I told you you wouldn’t like it. This is how it is now. You said you didn’t care so I took you at your word.”

“I don’t understand.” She pushed her hair back, looking up at him.

“You don’t understand what, baby? That a guy can say and do things he doesn’t really mean when he’s trying to get his dick in you? I kind of thought you were more worldly than that.”

She wasn’t stupid. She knew that. She just didn’t expect it from him. He’d always been her safe place. “So it was just sex.”

He sighed. “Yeah, I think I told you that. I also mentioned that it would be my way, all my way, or we wouldn’t be anything at all. So you can go to the locker room and follow my instructions or we can be done. I’ll shower here. I’ll meet you in the lobby.”

She sat there, trying to process the words. She’d been so sure. She’d known that once they’d made love again, he would know. He would know that she was his wife and everything would be fine as long as they were together.

The world was a watery mess, and she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

Her hair was messed up, her body so much bigger than what she saw in her head. It was one of those times when she knew she had to make a decision to be all right with herself, but she just couldn’t when he was staring at her like she was a piece of meat. He’d told her she was hot, fuckable, but she sure didn’t look that way now. Of course, he’d also admitted that he would lie to get between her legs. Just like other guys.

“I told you how it would be,” he said softly. But the cold look was still in his eyes.

She pulled the robe on, closing it tightly around herself. “Yes, you did.”

He’d been far more honest than she’d been when they first met. And if he was treating her like a piece of meat it was because she’d offered herself up like one. She’d been so desperate to get back to the one place she’d been happy.

What if that had been an illusion?

He stood staring at her as she started for the door. He didn’t move to open it for her. She was sure he wouldn’t stop it from hitting her on the ass as she left either.

Had he been an illusion, too? For years he’d been her ideal man. It wasn’t that she really thought he was perfect. It was just that she loved his imperfections, too. He’d been the first man to treat her with any kindness, the first to bring her pleasure of any kind. He’d told her she was pretty and smart and she’d taken that as love.

“Charlie?”

She sniffled, not willing to face him. “Do you think any of it was real?”

He was silent.

She walked out the door. He’d given her his answer.

Now she had to find her own.

Ian kept his hands steady on the wheel, his eyes on the road, but that wasn’t what he was seeing. He kept seeing those tears in her eyes as she pulled the robe around her, hiding her body. Somehow he’d expected her to throw him her middle finger and walk through the club naked. He hadn’t expected her to turn in on herself, to look so fucking fragile. Charlie wasn’t fragile. She didn’t take crap from anyone.

Except him.

“Take a right at the next stop sign.” Alex sat beside him in the big SUV. “You know I wouldn’t have to give you directions if you had just let me drive my own damn car.”

Ian turned at the proper time. He didn’t reply to Alex. It was one of those times when words were meaningless.

All three women were in the back. Charlotte didn’t seem to have a problem with high protocol now. She’d been perfectly silent, her eyes on the world outside the window. Those eyes hadn’t sought him out once since the moment she realized he was serious about the “just sex” thing.

Do you think any of it was real?

Her question was playing in his head. It had been real. Every fucking second had been real for him. He’d loved her. He just didn’t trust himself to try it again. He couldn’t put himself through losing her a second time. He couldn’t trust her at all.

Could he?

Revenge should be so much fucking sweeter. He should be sitting here in Alex’s dad car that barely did sixty-five on the freeway thinking about how much fun it was to show Charlie exactly how he felt. But revenge seemed hollow when all he wanted to do was hug the person he was avenging himself on until he could get her to smile again. It kind of made the whole fucking effort pointless when he felt like a shitbag because his revenge plans worked.

“Don’t miss the next turnoff. It can be hard to see in the dark. Again, a good reason for me to drive,” Alex said.

“Alex.” Eve had a way of making her husband’s name—or any name—a perfect admonition.

“I’ll have you playing with your curtains in no time at all.” His night vision was perfect. Alex had to be getting old if he thought he couldn’t see that turnoff.

“It’s not curtains. It’s countertops. The contractor wants to make sure they’re the right ones before they install them tomorrow,” Alex explained. “The invoice says it’s our soapstone, but the contractor thinks it’s the wrong color.”

Ian shook his head. There was no way to comprehend the changes that had come over his best friend since he’d remarried Eve. “What the fuck is soapstone? Why do you care about countertops? What is wrong with you, man? You’re dragging us around in the middle of the night over home décor. When did you become Martha Stewart?”

Alex let his head fall to the side window, bashing it a couple of times before he sat back up. “Well, we all need a hobby, asshole, and you took listening to Guns N’ Roses and drinking Scotch so I was left with fucking soapstone countertops, which are, according to our designer, the very latest in home design and which I can very likely manage to shove up your ass if you don’t stop being an arrogant prick.”

“Alex, I thought we were going to be patient with him,” Eve said in a very gratingly calm voice.

Alex turned to look at his wife. “He’s driving my goddamn car because he’s such a control freak he can’t let anyone else drive.”

Eve’s hand came around the headrest, resting on Alex’s shoulder, and he settled down.

It sucked because Alex seemed just about ready to start a fight and that would have been so much better than the silence that descended on the SUV again. It might do him some good to pull the car over and trade some punches. Ian glanced up at the rearview mirror. It was dark, but he could get a glimpse of her face. He wasn’t used to Charlie being so silent or so withdrawn. She was confident, bold, his match in most ways, but now she had gone someplace deep inside herself and he didn’t like it. She was in the car, but her head was somewhere he couldn’t touch her. It was perverse. He knew he’d been the one to send her to that place, but it bugged the shit out of him. He would rather she yelled at him and called him a bastard to this silent sorrow.

“It’s the last house on the left,” Alex explained. “Just pull in the driveway and Eve and I will run inside.”

And leave him out here with Charlie? Probably not a good idea. Sure, Chelsea was here too, but he’d already proven he didn’t have a lot of discretion when it came to Charlie.

What he wouldn’t tell her was he’d run to the bathroom like a scared five-year-old because his first instinct had been to lie in bed with her all night long. He’d forced her to do it doggie style because he didn’t trust himself not to kiss her. Because the minute he’d gotten her naked and alone, all he’d wanted to do was get inside her and stay there for hours and hours until he was tired and he could wrap himself around her and sleep with her in his arms.