Maya Banks - Letting Go

She hit the curb hard enough to blow out her front tire, and as she looked up, she saw the sprawling oak tree dead ahead. There was nothing she could do. Her tiny convertible hit the tree with a sickening crunch of metal and the sharp sound of shattering glass. Her head slammed forward as the air bags exploded in her face. Pain registered and as she blinked, blood slid down her forehead, clouding her vision.

She wondered if she’d live just as she blacked out and floated away in a sea of nothingness.

DASH stared broodingly out his office window and replayed the morning’s events over and over. Had he overreacted? Part of him said yeah. The other part, the practical, unemotional part, said no, that he’d been right to be angry. And certainly he had no right to lash out at her like that, to hurt her so badly.

But damn it, enough was enough. What should have been the best night of his entire life, the culmination of an impossible dream, had ended in his worst nightmare. Maybe it had always been an impossibility. Perhaps Joss wasn’t ready—would never be ready—to let go.

So where did that leave him? A week ago he would have vowed that he would be satisfied with any part of her. That he would wait, be patient for her to come around and hope that eventually she would be in a place where she could give him back in full measure what he was willing to give her.

But when she’d told him she loved him, and then wept for her husband the morning after, he’d been seized by a fatalistic sensation that she would never truly be his. His hopes had been crushed in that one instant, and he’d reacted much like a wounded animal. Hell, he was wounded. The kind of wound one never recovered from.

His office door burst open and he turned, irritated over the interruption. To his surprise Tate strode inside, his expression angry.

“What the hell did you do to Joss?” Tate demanded.

Dash sighed. “That didn’t take long.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Chessy is worried out of her mind. Where is Joss? What happened between the two of you?”

Dash’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What are you talking about? Why are you asking me where she is?”

“Because apparently you were the last person who saw her,” Tate said through gritted teeth. “She called Chessy in hysterics over two hours ago. She was upset and crying but she wouldn’t tell Chessy what was wrong. She asked Chessy if she could come over, that she needed her, and that she would be there in half an hour. She didn’t show and Chessy can’t get an answer on her cell number, her home number or your home number for that matter. She sent me to drag your ass out of your cave since you aren’t answering your cell either.”

Dash paled, dread gripping his insides. “I don’t know where she is. She was at my house . . . in my bed when I left.” He winced, closing his eyes. “Or at least she was in my bed, but she would have left.”

“And why would she have left?” Tate growled.

“That’s none of your fucking business,” Dash said icily.

“The hell it’s not! Chessy is home worried sick about her. Hell, the only way I could get her to stay her ass at home and not run out to look for her is by promising to find her myself. Joss is not the hysterical or irresponsible type, so if she was that upset and she’s missing, then something is damn well wrong.”

The knot grew larger in Dash’s throat. Panic slid down his spine, momentarily paralyzing him.

“I said some pretty terrible things to her,” Dash murmured. “Jesus. When I left, she was crying.”

“You left her that upset?” Tate asked in a disgusted voice.

Dash closed his eyes. “I was pretty pissed.”

“I’m not even going to ask because the only thing I give a fuck about is my wife worrying herself sick over Joss and whether Joss herself is all right. I take it you haven’t heard from her.”

Dash shook his head. “She pretty much told me to go to hell. But I’m already there. I have been for years.”

Tate’s phone rang and he snatched it up. “Chessy?” he said. “Is she okay? Did you hear from her?”

There was a long pause and then Tate paled. Dash rushed to where Tate stood, trying to hear Chessy’s voice, but Tate held it too close to his ear for Dash to tell anything.

“Goddamn it. No, you aren’t going anywhere. No, Chessy! I’ll be right over. Don’t you dare leave the house. One accident is enough. I don’t want you driving when you’re this upset.”

Dash’s knees buckled and he had to grab his desk to keep from hitting the floor.

Tate hung up and then fixed Dash with a cold stare.

“The hospital just called Chessy. Apparently they saw she was the last call on Joss’s cell and they called her. Joss has been in a car accident. It appears to be serious. They wouldn’t comment on her condition over the phone, but they asked that Chessy or her closest family member get to the hospital as quickly as possible.”

“I’m going,” Dash bit out. “What hospital? I can be there before you go home and get Chessy.”

Tate looked at him, anger brewing in his eyes. Then he blew out his breath. “Hermann Memorial. The ER.”

Dash didn’t wait for anything more. He grabbed his keys and ran out the door to the bank of elevators. Kylie called out as he passed her office, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t have time to explain, even if Kylie should know. Chessy would call her later. For now, his only purpose was to get to Joss and pray he wasn’t too late.

WHEN Dash strode into the emergency room, he immediately demanded to know Joss’s condition and if he could see her. A police officer was standing close to the reception desk, and when he heard Dash say Joss’s name, he motioned for Dash.

Frustrated by the delay, he stepped aside with the cop.

“Do you know how she is?” Dash asked bluntly. “Did you work the scene? What the hell happened?”

The police officer sighed. “Can I ask the nature of your relationship to Mrs. Breckenridge?”

“I’m her fiancé,” he lied. “She lives with me.” Another lie. “I saw her just this morning, not long before this apparently happened. I left for work and now this.” At least that much was the truth.

“Was she upset about anything? Under duress? Stressed?” He paused a moment. “Do you have any reason to believe that she’s suicidal?”

“What?” Dash asked incredulously. “What the fuck are you getting at?”

The cop looked uncomfortable. “There were no signs of tire marks to indicate she braked. She hit a tree dead-on. Going at least forty-five miles per hour in a residential zone.”

“And you think she tried to kill herself?”

“I’m examining all possible leads. Until I speak to Mrs. Breckenridge myself, there’s no way to determine the cause of the accident. But you could help by letting me know her emotional state when you last saw her. I understand she’s widowed. Could she be depressed over the loss of her husband?”

Dash was at a loss for words. Her emotional state? She was upset. Extremely so. Hell, he’d all but kicked her out of his house. And then she’d wrecked. Good God. Could she have done it purposely? How the hell else would she hit a tree dead-on going that fast and no signs of braking?

“I have no idea,” Dash said numbly. He’d like to be able to defend Joss, but who the hell knew what was going on in her head?

Guilt clutched him like a fist. He should have never left her this morning. He’d been angry, absolutely. But he should have calmed down, and they should have discussed it like two rational adults. Only he hadn’t been rational. Whether or not she’d tried to take her own life, the entire thing was Dash’s fault.

But he couldn’t contain his fury that she would have given up. Have been so weak. That wasn’t the Joss he knew. Or thought he knew.

He turned from the police officer and strode back to the desk, planting his hands down on the surface.

“I want to see Joss Breckenridge. Now.”

“I’m sorry, sir, the doctors are working on her now. If you’ll wait in the waiting area, I’ll call you back the minute you’re allowed to see her.”

“What do you mean ‘working on her’?” Dash demanded. “What’s wrong with her? How badly is she injured? Is she going to live?”

The clerk’s face shone with sympathy. “I know it’s hard waiting and not knowing, but I assure you, our physicians are doing their absolute best, and as I said, the moment I know anything I’ll inform you at once.”

Dash threw up his hands and paced back into the waiting area, but he couldn’t sit. How could he? It was déjà vu all over again. Another day. Three years ago. Same hospital. Same horrible wait only for the worst news. Carson dead. They’d been unable to save him. His injuries had been too extensive.

Only his wreck had been an accident. There’d been nothing he could have done to avoid it. Could Joss say the same? Had she been so upset and distraught that she’d driven her car into a tree hoping for death?

He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Couldn’t fathom it. But it was what the police suspected. Why else would they want to know if she was suicidal? What if Dash had pushed her to it?

He finally sat and buried his face in his hands. What seemed an eternity later, a nurse poked her head out the door and called for Joss Breckenridge’s family. As he was the only one there at the moment, he hurried forward.

“How is she?” he demanded.

The nurse smiled. “She’ll be fine. She’s pretty banged up, but you can see her. She’s a little woozy from the pain medication we gave her, but we couldn’t medicate her until all the X-rays and CT scan results came back.”