Only she could fix herself. Her shattered heart. That was on her and no one could do it for her. Perhaps this was just the first step in reclaiming her independence, which sounded stupid when she wanted a dominant man. When she didn’t want to make decisions or be forced to make difficult choices.
She didn’t want to think. She just wanted to . . . be. That was all. Happy. Whole again, or at least as whole as she could ever be when she was missing half of herself.
Maybe Dash could do that for her. Maybe he would give her that missing piece of her soul. And maybe she’d made a huge mistake. How would she know unless she tried?
Taking a deep breath, she lugged her suitcases into the living room and checked her watch. Dash had said he’d give her two hours before he returned to get her. It was agreed she’d take her car to his house and park it in case she needed to go somewhere when he wasn’t available. But he’d made it abundantly clear that for the most part, she would be with him. He would take care of her, of her every need, and he didn’t plan for them to spend much time apart.
She wasn’t sure how she felt about that either, but the lonely part of her heart swelled in relief that she wouldn’t be alone any longer. The rest? She’d take it as it came. One day at a time. It did her no good to focus on the future when she needed to live for today. The present. Because as she’d well learned, the future was not guaranteed. It was what you made it.
She had fifteen minutes before Dash would arrive. Plenty of time to call Chessy and Kylie and let them know of her decision. But she’d have to endure the conversation twice and that wasn’t what she wanted. She’d have to endure questions, disbelief, surprise and doubt.
It would be far easier just to e-mail them both and explain her plans.
Satisfied with that decision, she walked over to where her laptop lay on the coffee table and sat on the couch, opening it up to her e-mail program.
After pondering the best way to tell her friends what was going on she finally decided to just take the plunge. State it matter- of-factly. Not get into details. Just a basic explanation and how to reach her if they needed her. She fully expected her cell phone to start ringing the moment they got the e-mail so she typed a request that they not do so.
She informed them that she needed a few days with Dash to get her bearings. She promised to update them and that they’d get together for lunch at the end of the week. Although she didn’t look forward to that lunch because it would end up an inquisition.
She’d just hit Send on the e-mail when her doorbell rang. Her pulse accelerated and she rose, smoothing her palms down her worn jeans.
This was it. Dash was here to pick her up.
She glanced around her house, her and Carson’s house, sadness tugging at her heart. Maybe she should have moved right after he died. It likely wasn’t healthy to maintain the house as it had been when he was alive. Pictures of them and him still dotted the living room and other rooms of the house.
Joss and Carson happy. Smiling. In love.
She had finally cleaned out his closet and put away his clothing. But all his knickknacks? Trophies, plaques, pictures? They were still where they’d been hung or positioned on the shelves. No wonder Dash didn’t want to move in here. It was hard to compete with a dead man, and with all the reminders of him displayed around the house, how could Dash hope for Joss to focus on him?
As she opened the door, she muttered a silent vow that she was going to go hard at this. That she’d give Dash one hundred percent of herself. No holding back. No reservations. And she darn sure wasn’t going to be doing a mental comparison between Dash and Carson when it came to sex. It wasn’t fair to either man and it wasn’t fair to her.
Dash stood there, sunglasses covering his eyes, but when she looked up at him, he shoved them up over his head so he could look back at her. There was something in his gaze that made her quiver on the inside. Intense. Brooding almost. And there was marked triumph reflected there.
“You ready?” he asked in a low tone.
She smiled, determined not to show any hesitancy. She was fully committed. On board. She wouldn’t waffle now and she’d give Dash no reason to question her commitment.
“I have several suitcases,” she said hesitantly. “I wasn’t sure what to bring so I brought a little of everything. One of the suitcases has all my girly stuff. I was certain you wouldn’t have all that.”
He smiled back. “Not to worry, and honey, now that you’re mine, it’s my duty and honor to provide for you. So if there’s something you need later, I’ll make certain you get it.”
Her brow wrinkled. “But I don’t want you to buy me things, Dash. I can afford it.”
His eyes narrowed and glinted fire. She had the sudden impression she’d taken a wrong turn and she’d been determined to get off on the right foot with him.
“You are mine,” he said in a firm tone. “And I provide for what is mine. You’ve gifted me with your trust and your submission. My duty as the one who takes care of you is to provide for your every need and desire. So get used to it, Joss. I have every intention of spoiling you shamelessly. I won’t be pleased if you question every gift I bestow on you.”
“Oh,” she breathed. She hadn’t looked at it like that, but she still had a lot to learn about this kind of relationship.
So far it seemed she got far more out of the bargain than he did. Pampered? Spoiled? Cherished? What did he get in return? He’d said that she was enough. That her trust and her submission were enough. But surely there had to be more in it for him.
“Now, if we’ve got that out of the way, point me to your luggage and I’ll get it out to the car for you.”
She started to tell him that she could get it or at least help, but as if anticipating just such a statement, he silenced her with a quick, stern look. Her hand fluttering upward, she motioned toward the living room where her suitcases were.
It took him two trips to get all of her things in the trunk of his car, but he ushered her into the passenger seat and then slid in on the driver’s side. To her surprise, before he even started the engine, he leaned over and kissed her. Hard. Hungry. None of the tender reserve he’d shown before.
He devoured her mouth until her lips tingled and swelled. When he pulled away, his lids were heavy with desire and his eyes blazed fire.
“Hope to hell you know what you’re getting into,” he murmured as he cranked the ignition. “You said you didn’t want to wait, so it begins now, Joss. Right now. As soon as we step into my house, you belong to me. You’re mine to do with as I please.”
The words slid over her, warm and arousing. Her pulse beat hard at her pulse points, and her mouth went dry. Not even licking her lips alleviated the sudden dryness.
“I’m ready,” she said quietly. “I know what I’m getting into, or at least I have a good idea. And I want it, Dash. I want . . . you.”
There was savagery in his expression. She shivered uncontrollably. Arousal. But mostly anticipation. She was on the brink of something new and possibly wonderful. Maybe it wasn’t. But she’d never know unless she took that leap.
When they arrived at Dash’s house, Joss opened the door and started to get out, but Dash reached over the center console and took her hand, pulling her back.
Without a word, he got out and walked around to her door. He reached in for her hand and she slipped her palm over his until their fingers were twined.
She was moving into Dash Corbin’s house. She was going to have sex with Dash Corbin. God, Dash was going to own her. She started to shake as soon as she got her legs underneath her. Reaction was quickly setting in.
It had all seemed so surreal and now it was here. She was about to embark on a sexual journey and she was scared to death. What could Dash possibly want with her? He was experienced in this lifestyle. He had certain expectations. Expectations she couldn’t hope to meet.
“Joss, honey, you’re shaking like a leaf.”
She glanced up guiltily. She hadn’t wanted him to see her nerves. But as he said, she was trembling head to toe. How could he not see it? Or feel it, for that matter. Her hand was solidly twined with his, and her skin felt cold and clammy despite the warmth of the day.
He squeezed and offered her a reassuring smile. “It’s going to be okay. I know you’re nervous, but there’s no reason.”
“It just occurred to me that you have a lot of experience in this lifestyle while I have none,” she muttered. “What do I possibly have to offer you? I’m sure a novice isn’t high on your list of wants.”
He stopped just in front of the door and fixed her with his steely gaze.
“What you have to offer me is something no one else can ever hope to offer me. You, Joss. You’re giving me you and that’s all I want and need. I swear it. You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed of this. Of us. Together. Yes, I want to have sex with you, but it’s so much more than that. You may not believe it yet, but you will. I guarantee it.”
His quiet vow comforted her. She squeezed his hand back and then smiled.
“You’re certainly good for my ego, Dash. I haven’t felt beautiful in so very long. I haven’t felt desirable. I haven’t felt desire, for that matter.”
“And now?” he prompted. “Do you feel it now? For me?”
“Oh yes,” she breathed. “It shocked the hell out of me. I never expected to feel this way about you. Never imagined wanting you so badly. But there it is.”
“Thank fuck,” he muttered. “Glad to know I’m not the only one suffering here.”
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