“Hey, how was your weekend?” He sees me jump slightly and laughs.

“Good. It was great to see my mom.” I might be speaking to him, but I’m preoccupied with scanning the lot for Bryan’s car.

“And you got a car out of it too, huh? That’s a pretty sweet deal.” He grins at me as he points to my car parked next to his.

“Yeah, it was a total surprise. I love it though.”

Standing before me, he holds out his hand. “Come show me.” He doesn’t ask so I can’t really say no.

“I can’t. These kids are …”

Will waves over to Samantha, the other counselor and she waves back at us. “The kids are what? They’re fine. Samantha is out there. I want to see your new ride.” I give in, but stand on my own – without taking his hand.

When we’re over to my car, I stand by the driver’s door as he peers into the window. “Well, here it is. Not much to it. Four doors, a few tires and a steering wheel.” I think he can tell that I’m trying to avoid him. I’ve been doing it all day.

Without saying anything, he leans up against the car and smiles at me seductively. “So, about Friday. Are you free?” That was his ploy the whole time. He wasn’t really interested in my car. He just wanted to get me far enough away from the kids so that he could talk to me privately.

Nervousness sets in. Bryan should be here any minute and this is the last thing he needs to see – me pressed up against a car while Will is trying to get me to go out with him. “Look, Will. I like you, but only as a friend.”

“Okay, so we’ll go out as friends.” He’s not getting it. The truth is that if it wasn’t for Bryan, I would be more tempted to give in. Will’s attractive and funny. At only twenty-two years old, he’s still well within my acceptable dating age.

“Thanks, Will, but I’m still going to have to say no.” Without missing a beat, he reaches for the strand of hair that just fell from behind me ear. After he sweeps it back in place, he lightly traces his thumb down my cheekbone. “Are you sure about that?” he asks softly.

“I’m flattered, Will. Really, I am. I just can’t.” I pull his hand away from my face and he takes that opportunity to bring my knuckles to his lips.

Grazing over them lightly, he mumbles against my skin, “Can’t or won’t?” His eyes are pleading with me to give in.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Searching for some kind of strength, I huff out a frustrated sigh. “No, Will. I won’t. Thank you but really, we’re just friends.” Before I can even push his hand away from mine, I hear the gravel crunch under someone’s approaching footsteps.

“Just friends, huh?” Bryan’s angry voice quietly rumbles from behind Will’s back. Throwing his hands up in the air, Bryan mumbles, “Fuck this!” as he stalks away.

Running after him, I call out, “No! Wait, Bryan! Wait!” He turns on his heel so quickly that I nearly collide into his hard chest. “What, Melanie?” There’s pain in his eyes and I can see the fight leave his body as his shoulders sag.

“I can explain.” The lame words die in the air between us.

“There’s nothing to fucking explain. You’re apparently just friends with him too,” he seethes, but doesn’t yell as he recalls our talk from the night before. Scrubbing his hands over his face and through his hair in restrained anger, he leans down so that only I can hear him. “Just when I thought I could trust you … when I thought I could possibly let you in again … you go and fuck me over … make me look like a fool. I- I’m done, Melanie. I just can’t …” There’s so much pain and anguish in his voice. The last of his words are muffled almost painfully as he walks away from me. He sounds as if he’s about to cry and part of me wishes that he would. I deserve his anger – his yelling and cursing. But instead, I get restrained anger and seething pain.

Standing there numbly and near tears, I watch as Emmie runs over to Bryan. He helps her get into the car and he pulls away from me.

But this time, I feel like it’s really for the last time.

Part Three

Healed

16

It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve finally let go of the idea that Bryan and I will ever get back together. No matter how many times I tried to talk to him over the summer, whether it was calling him or waiting for him to get Emmie at camp, he always avoided me. He wasn’t rude or mean. Keeping up the appearance of being friends for Emmie’s sake, he was usually cordial. As nice as his attempts at civility might have been, I could always sense his anger and hurt bubbling just beneath the surface.

I was sad to see Emmie leave at the end of the summer. I cried as I hugged her goodbye because I would genuinely miss her, but also because I knew that when she walked out of my life, so would Bryan. He waited by his car on that final day, giving Emmie and I our space. She drew me another picture that day – one of her and me holding hands. There were tears in her eyes too as she pulled away from me and walked toward Bryan.

I wanted to run to him. I wanted to yell and scream and explain myself until I ran out of words to tell him, but the resolute nod that he directed at me across the parking lot was my cue that whatever maybes existed on that night that he kissed me, were dead and buried.

Absolutely refusing to go back to that dark place where I resided after Bryan and I broke up, and completely loathing the girl I was before that, I made a promise to myself to hold my head high. I waved at them as they pulled away and whispered “I love you,” to him even though he would never hear it.

I’d like to say that with everything else that happened over the end of the summer, I didn’t think about Bryan much, but I’d be lying. When Maddy and Reid’s baby was born, I cried more tears of joy than I thought possible. And when Evan moved into the house, it instantly felt like more of a home than it had ever been. Mom is the happiest I’ve ever known her to be and that makes me feel freer than ever.

Even now, as the cool fall air breezes through my open window, I feel at home. That’s what this place has become for me. What started out as a dusty and dirty place to live, quickly transformed into home filled with laughter and tons of happy memories. I know that when Cammie and Lia graduate at the end of the year I’ll be sad. More than sad actually.

But I also know that I’ll survive. Hey, maybe even Peyton will stay in Ithaca after her grad-program ends, but who knows. What I do know is that I’ve found happiness in the moments of quiet, and for the first time in my entire life, I am really and truly happy with who I am. I’ve made peace with my mistake and with the insecure girl I used to be. Those feelings of guilt and unworthiness have been replaced by ones of pride and love.

As I step out onto the front porch, I fix the Jack-o-Lantern that we carved the other night. It’s lumpy and bumpy, not perfectly round, so it never stays upright for long. Maybe that’s why I picked it. It reminded me of myself in some ways. Picking up a few stray candy wrappers from last night’s eager trick-or-treaters, I walk across the street to Bella’s and get ready for my Friday night shift.

Bella was right when she hired me. I haven’t run into Bryan once since starting here back in July. The thought saddens me more than a little. But it also reminds me that he’s moved on as well. I hope for his sake, and for Emmie’s too, that things have worked out with his mom. I imagine that the divorce is finalized and things are hopefully back to normal.

Whatever the hell “normal” means, anyways.

As I’m setting up the wait station, Laurie, the hostess, comes up and hands me a ticket for a table she just seated in my section. “He’s really cute too.” She winks before walking away. Cute, huh? Okay, I could go for some cute in my life. I haven’t had much of any cuteness since Will took me out on our one-and-only date. It was at the end of the summer after I knew Bryan and I were definitely done. I couldn’t help it. Will was sweet and persistent as hell. It was an okay night; I can’t deny that. But when he walked me to my door and gently pressed his lips up against mine, there was no spark, no desire, no rapid fluttering of butterflies in my belly.

Dismissing thoughts of how pathetic my love life has been since Bryan, I focus my attention back to the hottie who Laurie just seated at one of my tables. Knowing my luck, he’s probably with his girlfriend. The cute ones don’t come here with their grandmothers.

I peek out from behind the wall that separates the wait station from the dining room and when I see Bryan sitting at the table I was just assigned, I laugh inwardly at Laurie’s “cute” description. He’s not cute.

He’s freaking gorgeous.

And he’s with a girl – a girl who is most definitely not his grandmother.

From where I’m standing, or spying, depending on how you want to look at it, I can see them, but they can’t see me. Bryan’s wearing a pale blue, fitted, polo that pulls oh-so-nicely across his muscled chest. If he were standing up, I’d be able to comment on how fine his ass looks in the charcoal grey dress pants he’s wearing, but since he’s not, I’ll just have to use my imagination. His hair looks longer than usual, but it still has that styled-yet-unstyled look to it. My fingers twitch at the thought of running through the silky strands.

And of course the girl he’s with is gorgeous too. Petite with shiny brown hair that sways gently at her shoulders when she laughs, she looks like a model. When she brings her glass up to her plump red lips, I ghost the pad of my thumb over mine and try to recall what it felt like to have Bryan’s lips pressed there.