Anxiety I should have been feeling as well if it weren’t for the giant lump in my gut and the shards of a broken heart piercing my chest.

It had been fifteen days since I had spoken to Maxx Demelo. Fifteen days since I had told him I couldn’t stay and watch him destroy himself as he fell deeper and deeper into an addiction that I had tried to save him from. Fifteen days since he had almost died and I had left him anyway.

I had convinced myself that I had done the right thing. That standing by his side while he slowly lost himself to the dependence that controlled his entire world would destroy me. That I couldn’t watch him make the same bad choices that had taken the life of my sister, Jayme, all those years ago.

I wouldn’t enable him. I wouldn’t hide from who he was either. And Maxx had to learn to stand on his feet without me holding him up.

It was the only way.

Even if I had to fight every instinct that made me want to run back to him. Despite the fact that I cried myself to sleep each night as I ached for the man I should never have fallen in love with in the first place.

“Aubrey.” Dr. Lowell’s voice brought me out of my suffocating self-pity. I blinked and tried to refocus on my situation.

“Dr. Jamison, Professor Bradley, and I all agree that you have behaved in a manner that is both unprofessional and inappropriate. Your actions have had a negative impact not only on your reputation within this department but on this department’s reputation in the community.”

I swallowed thickly, but I never looked away from the narrowed eyes of my favorite teacher.

“However . . .” Dr. Lowell began, and my heart skipped a beat at the slight change in her tone. A sliver of something other than displeasure laced her words.

“Given that you have admitted having the relationship and that you have taken responsibility for your actions, we have decided to place you on probation. While we cannot overstate how serious this offense is, it doesn’t negate the years of hard work you have put into this program. However, your volunteer hours will be stripped, and you will have to begin your clinical hours again next year, which could impact your graduation next spring.” Dr. Lowell glanced back down at the paper in her hands, as though looking at me was too difficult.

My mouth gaped open. The shock made it hard for me to breathe. I had expected to be kicked out on my proverbial ass. I definitely had not counted on any kind of leniency.

“You will have absolutely no direct counseling interaction. You will complete extra course work on ethical boundaries. You will be required to meet with both Dr. Jamison and myself once a week to evaluate your progress. Each of these things will be mandatory if you wish to remain in the counseling program. And I don’t think I need to tell you that any sort of contact with Maxx Demelo will be strictly prohibited while he is considered a therapeutic client.”

That definitely wouldn’t be a problem. But I couldn’t say that. I could only nod, words being insufficient.

Dr. Lowell removed her glasses and folded them slowly, laying them on the table. Dr. Jamison was making notes, and Professor Bradley seemed to be counting down the time until the end of this uncomfortable hearing.

“Aubrey, I don’t need to tell you again how your actions have put this department in a precarious position. It has strained relations with the community service board, which has been our partner in providing services to our campus community for over fifteen years. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are a smart, capable young woman. A smart, capable young woman who made a horrible mistake. One that could have ended your career before it began.” Dr. Lowell pursed her lips again.

“I hope you take this clemency for what it is: a second chance to prove to us, to the department, and more importantly to yourself that you can put aside your personal feelings and act in a manner that is both professional and appropriate.”

“I will, Dr. Lowell. I promise,” I let out in a rush, the relief almost crippling.

Dr. Lowell’s eyes bored into mine and I wanted to look away. But I didn’t. I had brought this upon myself.

“We will send you an official letter with the panel’s decision in writing. The letter will also define the requirements of your probation and spell out what will be expected of you. Do you have any questions, Miss Duncan?” Dr. Jamison asked.

“No, sir,” I said, hoping I wouldn’t pass out. I just wanted to make it through these last few minutes and get out of there.

Dr. Jamison nodded, and just like that, I was dismissed. I quickly gathered my purse and hurried out into the hallway.

Brooks, as I had suspected, was pacing, and Renee was chewing on her thumbnail. Both looked up as I opened the door.

Renee got to her feet and rushed over. “What happened?” she asked, sounding almost as frantic as I felt.

Still in a daze, I looked from her to Brooks.

Renee gave me a little shake. “Damn it, Aubrey, what the hell happened?” my best friend and roommate demanded.

“Probation. They put me on probation,” I answered, the words sounding dry and brittle.

“They didn’t kick you out? You just got probation?” Brooks asked incredulously.

I let out a shrill, almost manic laugh. “They didn’t kick me out. I have to meet with Dr. Lowell and Dr. Jamison once a week. And I have to take extra classes on professional boundaries and ethics. And of course, I won’t be allowed direct client contact for a while. But yeah, I’m still in the program.”

Brooks shook his head. “Unbelievable. You’re damn lucky, Aubrey. Maybe now you’ll realize how freaking stupid you were,” he chastised.

Renee glared at him. “Now is not the time for the obnoxious Brooks Hamlin version of I-told-you-so,” she growled, her voice full of venom.

Brooks’s mouth pressed into a thin line, but he kept all further comments to himself.

“He’s right, Renee. I’ve gotten off lightly,” I said as we exited the psychology building. Renee had her arm looped through mine, a much-needed sign of solidarity.

Brooks walked a few steps behind us. He wasn’t saying anything, but I could feel his tension. Things with Brooks had been decidedly strained for weeks. Our friendship had deteriorated after he’d discovered my relationship with Maxx. He had been understandably disapproving. At the time I had been infuriated by his censure, convinced that even though what I was doing would be construed as wrong by anyone else, for me—and for Maxx—it was perfectly right.

But I hadn’t been able to escape the truth: that I had built a relationship with a man who was hell-bent on self-destructing. He had pulled me into his messy world of drugs and emptiness, and I had almost lost myself there. I had allowed myself to be blinded by my desire to help him, to save him, and I had ignored the blatant red flags waving in my face.

Because Maxx’s secrets weren’t the sort that just went away. They were the kind that could destroy you. And they almost had.

Our unhealthy love had impacted everything: school, my friendships, my self-respect. And in the end, Maxx had almost died and I had come perilously close to losing everything.

Now here I was, standing in the aftermath, trying to figure out how to put all of the pieces back together.

But I would. Because there was no other option.

It didn’t change the fact that even though I had made the decision to remove him from my life, Maxx haunted my every thought. The shadow of him was everywhere. I wasn’t sure I could ever truly shake him.

I looked over at my best friend and realized that one good thing had come out of all of this ugliness: Our friendship was stronger than ever. We had a connection that hadn’t been there before. Because if anyone could understand how difficult it was to move past a destructive relationship, it was Renee. Like me, she was trying to rebuild a life that had gone dangerously off-track as a result of her love for the wrong man.

Brooks reached out and grabbed ahold of my arm, pulling me to a stop. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a dick back there,” he apologized, bowing his head slightly.

I wasn’t surprised by Brooks’s apology. He was a good guy who always did the right thing—even when it meant standing beside me as I made some really shitty choices. He had been angry with me over the Maxx situation, and I hadn’t been sure our friendship would survive it.

But when I’d needed him, he’d been there, whether I deserved his support or not.

“You were only saying the truth, Brooks. You don’t need to apologize,” I said.

Brooks took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I know you’re beating yourself up enough without needing to hear my preachy judgments,” he admonished himself.

I gave him a small smile and then extracted my fingers from his and tucked them into my pockets. His touch felt strange. Not exactly wrong, but not exactly right, either.

Not when my skin still remembered the feel of hands that I missed more desperately than I should.

“Thanks. That means a lot,” I said sincerely.

“If you’re okay, I’ve got to head to my study group. I can come by later . . . if you want,” Brooks suggested. His hesitation was obvious, as though he was not entirely sure he should even be making the offer.

I forced my hand out of its hiding spot in my jacket pocket and took his again, feeling the need to give him some reassurance.

“Of course I want you to come over. But only if you bring the new Nicholas Sparks movie,” I teased, trying for some normalcy in our otherwise abnormal situation. As I looked up at Brooks, his dark hair falling into his eyes, I wondered if things between us would ever be easy again. This odd discomfort made me edgy.