She looked happier. The bruises from Devon’s fists were long gone, and I could tell she had started to put on some much-needed weight. Her skin had a healthy glow, and she was starting to dress in some of her old clothes.

This alone was proof that Devon was no longer in the picture.

“Ha, ha.” I rolled my eyes, dropping my book bag on the floor. I had just gone by Maxx’s apartment, hoping to see him before class. Of course he hadn’t been there. I had waited for twenty minutes, but he hadn’t shown up. I had left only when it started raining.

“When was the last time you spent the night here? I was beginning to think I lived by myself,” Renee said, closing the book she had been reading and putting it on the couch beside her.

When I didn’t say anything, she gave me a small smile.

“So who’s the guy, and why haven’t I met him yet?” she asked, following me into the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator and pulled out a soda. Popping the top, I took a long drink, thinking about how I was going to answer her.

I continued to live in a constant state of paranoia about being found out. I agonized over what would happen should the wrong person see Maxx and me together. I invented horrific scenarios in my head about the moment when my entire world would implode and my dreams would be dashed to the floor.

I put my soda can down on the counter and let out a sigh. Renee crossed her arms over her chest and regarded me steadily. Despite how much our friendship had changed over the past year, she still knew me better than most anyone.

“What’s wrong? Is it this guy?” she asked, sounding concerned. I sighed again. Renee frowned.

“Take it from me, no guy is worth making you feel like shit,” she stated firmly.

I leaned against the cabinets, bracing myself against the counter. “I think I love him,” I said quickly, shocking myself. The words had slipped out without my usual resistance restraining them. I covered my mouth with my hand as though I could shove the words back inside where they were safe. But now that they were out, there was no putting them back.

Renee blinked in surprise. “Huh? You love a guy I’ve never even met? Someone you never mention at all? Sorry, but I find that hard to believe,” she scoffed, cocking her eyebrow at me in disbelief.

“I can’t talk about him, Renee,” I begged, hoping she’d let it go. But there was no walking away from it now.

“Uh-uh, you and I are long overdue for a good, long girl talk. Grab the ice cream, I’ll get the chips, and we’re parking our asses on the couch,” Renee instructed, and I couldn’t help but smile. After keeping secrets for so long, I found myself looking forward to letting some of them go.

I pulled two pints of Ben & Jerry’s out of the freezer and met her in the living room.

“You need to start at the beginning and go from there. Why is this relationship so secret? It’s not like you,” Renee said as we settled on the couch.

I put a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth, hoping the resulting brain freeze would knock some sense into my otherwise thick skull.

“He’s in the support group I help to facilitate,” I admitted, confessing my sins quickly. It was like ripping off a Band-Aid—better to do it all at once.

Renee’s eyes widened. “Well, that can’t be good,” she observed.

“Uh, no, it’s really bad actually,” I mumbled, scooping more ice cream into my mouth.

“Well, the secretiveness makes sense now,” Renee mused, putting the Ben & Jerry’s aside to start on a bag of sour-cream-and-onion potato chips.

“It started before I realized anything was going on. He sort of snuck up on me, and then it was like a full-blown meltdown. Does that make any sense?” I asked. Actually talking about my relationship with Maxx made me realize how reckless the entire situation was.

“Completely,” Renee answered, grimacing. I knew she was thinking about Devon, and not for the first time, I felt guilty for how judgmental and unsympathetic I had been about her feelings for her ex. I now understood how difficult it could be to let go of someone you cared about, even if you knew he was bad for you.

“Brooks knows,” I said.

Renee surprised me by rolling her eyes. “Good. He needs a reality check.”

“Huh?” I asked.

Renee handed me the chips. “That guy has been panting after you for entirely too long. It’s embarrassing to watch.”

I shook my head. “No way. We’re just friends. We’ve been there, done that, got the crappy T-shirt,” I argued.

Renee rolled her eyes again, making me feel as though I had missed something glaringly obvious. “Well, you’re blind then. Because that boy wants a return ticket on the Aubrey Duncan express train straight into your panties. You guys have known each other . . . biblically. There is no way you can go from that to friendship without having all sorts of complicated shit under the surface. And Brooks Hamlin wants you . . . bad. So I say, good! He needed something major to make him move the hell on,” Renee remarked, not unkindly.

Her crass observation brought a whole new level of complication to an already convoluted equation. Was Renee right? Of course she was right. Deep down I had suspected the same thing for a while now.

“But he knows. And if you’re right and he’s got these unrequited feelings, what’s to stop him from telling someone?” I moaned.

Renee didn’t say anything. There was no need to point out the obvious: If I was so worried about repercussions, I shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. If I really cared about my future, I should end things with Maxx and forget about him.

But that would make things entirely too simple. And clearly my heart didn’t like simple.

Renee reached out and stroked the back of my head. “I honestly don’t think Brooks would do that to you. He’s your friend, Aubrey. You would never have gotten close to him if you thought him capable of such bitchy behavior.” Again, my suddenly wise roommate was right. I couldn’t imagine Brooks being so hateful.

Then again, it was hard to forget the anger and hurt on his face when he realized what was going on between Maxx and me. The truth was, I just didn’t know who and what to trust anymore.

“I wish I could tell you what to do, but if you hadn’t noticed, I’m not the best one to give relationship advice. I can only tell you to be careful. I don’t want to see you getting hurt,” Renee continued, giving me a look full of sympathy.

Oh, how times had changed. Not too long ago I was bestowing those particular looks on her. I had sunk so low.

Before I could drop to the floor in a flood of self-pity, Renee’s phone dinged, letting her know she had a text message. She picked it up off the coffee table and read it, her face contorting in a mixture of anger and fear.

“What is it?” I asked, watching as she hastily deleted the message.

Renee forced a smile and tucked the phone into her pocket. “It’s nothing,” she lied.

I narrowed my eyes at her, and she lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “It’s just Devon,” she replied.

“Devon? I thought you guys were done?” I asked, hoping I hadn’t missed a major shift in my roommate’s circumstances while I had been wrapped up in Maxx.

“Oh, we’re done. He’s just having a hard time accepting it,” she muttered.

“What did his text say?” I asked. Given Devon Keeton’s stellar personality, I could hazard a guess at the contents.

“Nothing, really. He just has a fondness for some not-so-nice words.” She shrugged again.

It was on the tip of my tongue to say something nasty about her ex. But I stopped myself. Renee was holding strong, though I worried about how long that would last. And I knew my hateful remarks wouldn’t help anything, even if they made me feel better. Looking at Renee, I could see how much Devon and their relationship had taken their toll. But she still loved him. I could see that plain as day. And that love was hurting her.

I couldn’t help but wonder if I was in a similar situation. My feelings for Maxx were causing me to make decisions I never would have made in the past. I was forgetting about everything that had mattered to me, potentially throwing it all away to save a boy I was pretty sure didn’t want to be saved.

Love made us stupid.

Love made us blind.

Love could incapacitate us and leave us powerless.

And love could also make everything better.

I couldn’t let myself think anything else.

But Renee’s love had come close to destroying her. It hadn’t fixed anything. There was a new realization in my friend’s eyes that had never been there before.

I reached out and squeezed her hand, offering support, which ultimately is all that any of us wants. She tried to smile, but her mouth twisted into more of a grimace.

“I’ve got to head to the library. Will you be here tonight?” Renee asked.

“I’m not sure,” I answered honestly. Because I knew if I could find Maxx, I wouldn’t be coming home. Already, I was twitchy and anxious to be with him again. We had been together just that morning, yet here I was fidgeting and restless like a junkie needing my fix.

Maxx was my drug.

Renee’s lips turned upward in a sad smile. “Just don’t get dragged down by him, Aubrey. Learn from my mistakes,” she cautioned. I wanted to blow off her statement, but I couldn’t. She was right.

After Renee left, I gave in and tried to call Maxx again. And again he didn’t answer. I thought about leaving a message but decided against it. He’d see that I had called. I only hoped he’d call me back.

I couldn’t sit around my apartment waiting for my phone to ring. It was sad and pathetic. I had things I should be doing. I had work that needed to be done. I had been neglecting school in the past few weeks, and I would have to work my ass off to get back on track.