Amanda Berry - L A Cinderella

“Natalie.”

She stopped and stared at the ground. Please don’t come near. She could survive hearing his voice, but she’d explode into tears if he touched her. Or worse, she’d throw herself into his arms and plead with him to forgive her.

Her eyes squeezed shut when she felt him move behind her. She wasn’t this strong. She could bolt. She could run for the door and pray she didn’t trip.

“Can I…”

Can he what? She lifted her face and stared straight ahead at the door. “I really should be going.”

“Can I walk you to your car?”

She spun and almost fell back. She hadn’t realized he was directly behind her. He reached out to steady her by her elbow, but she jerked out of his reach and banged her elbow against the wall.

“Are you okay?” He reached out to steady her.

She pressed herself against the wall avoiding his hands and held her elbow as her funny bone throbbed. “I’m fine.”

“From that face you’re making, I highly doubt that.” He dropped his hands.

Her body relaxed. His eyes were resigned when she finally lifted her gaze to meet them.

“We can’t be friends, can we?” His shoulders dropped.

“I…” She wanted to tell him they could. She didn’t want to let him out of her life, but she couldn’t be with him and not watch his lips and remember. She shook her head and said softly, “I don’t think so.”

He nodded. “Can I walk you out?”

The door was a long way away, but outside a few stubborn photographers lingered, waiting for just the right photo op. “I don’t think so, Chase.”

His smile was a shadow of the one he used to give her. “You are probably right. Have a good weekend.” His hand lifted as if to brush her cheek.

Her breath caught, and she couldn’t move. He dropped his hand and spun on his heel, leaving her in the hall with a throbbing elbow and a broken heart.

“I know you’re in there.” Rachel yelled through the door.

“No, I’m not,” Natalie told her pillow. She hugged the pillow closer, knocking a dozen tissues off the edge of the bed. It still smelled like him. It was only a throw pillow, but it smelled like him.

“I don’t have to go out of town. I can tell the company I have personal business to attend to.” Her voice was muffled by the door.

“You need to go. I’ll be fine.”

“I got more ice cream.” There wasn’t enough chocolate ice cream in the world to make the pain go away, but Rachel didn’t need to know that. “I’ll have my cell phone on. If you need me, call. I don’t care when or why. I’ll answer. I also picked up some of those frozen meals that are low-fat. You know, to counteract the ice cream.”

“Thank you.” She lifted her face from the pillow. “Go. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, I’ll see you Wednesday. Try to get out of bed sometime between now and then.”

Natalie waited until the door closed and she heard the snick of the locks. She pried herself off the bed and wandered into the living room. Grabbing the remote, she cued up If Only and wandered into the kitchen to grab a fresh carton of ice cream.

There was a note on the fridge. Try to eat something besides ice cream. R. “Well, chocolate sauce isn’t ice cream.”

She piled her blanket, the pillow that smelled like Chase and her ice cream onto the couch with her as the beginning credits rolled.

She found herself caught up by the story. The pressure on her chest lifted as the love affair between Tom and Elizabeth played upon the screen. Every touch, every gesture placed so perfectly to create this growing love that echoed within her chest. She rode the wave of their love, so thoroughly enraptured that when the final scene came the ice cream had been set aside, and she hugged the pillow to her chest.

Tom stood on the stage watching Elizabeth walk out of his life for good. He looked down at his hands and flexed his fingers as if realizing she was slipping through them.

“I can’t lose you.” Tom called out to her.

“It doesn’t matter,” Elizabeth responded, her hand on the doorknob. “If you can’t accept me for who I am, there is nothing left of us.”

Tom jumped down from the stage. He opened his arms wide. “I’d give up my entire world for one more moment in your arms. One more night by your side. I want it all. All of you. I want you to have it all. All my love, all my heart, all of me.”

Elizabeth turned with tears filling her eyes. His stride ate up the distance between them and he drew her into his arms. Their mouths met and the camera held until the end credits rolled.

That man playing Tom wasn’t Chase. Those smiles and looks she’d thought were so similar to the movie weren’t. They were smiles Chase only gave to her. The kisses, the touches, the looks, they’d all been real. He hadn’t been onstage. He’d been with her. And when he’d told her he loved her and wanted her to stay, she’d thrown it in his face.

Her hand on her lips, Natalie whispered, “What have I done?” She shrugged out of the blanket and raced to her room.

A half hour later, Natalie’s car stopped in front of the intercom outside Chase’s gate. Her heart still thundered in her chest from her mad dash through her apartment, jerking on clothes over her jammies and tying her hair back.

Her hands shook as she coached herself. You can do this. She glanced down the street at the man sitting in a car with a camera around his neck. If this didn’t work, she would be shooting herself in the foot.

The headlines would read Accountant Couldn’t Take a Hint. But what was the point of being in love, if you didn’t at least try?

She pushed the button and squeezed her eyes shut. An eternity passed while she waited, her heart in her hands. Maybe he wasn’t in. Or worse, what if he already had someone there?

Fearing the worst, she put the car into Reverse.

“Hello?” The muffled sound of birds came across the intercom with Chase’s voice.

“Chase?” Oh, crap, why hadn’t she practiced what she was going to say? Everything she’d thought of on the drive over slipped out of her mind and left her fumbling for the words. Mercifully the gate opened, and she didn’t have to make a fool of herself to the box on a stick.

The photographer shifted up in his seat and put the camera to his eye. She couldn’t tell if he was taking a photo or not. She didn’t care. The car pulled through the gates.

A garage door was open, and she drove the car into it. The garage door closed behind her with finality. She couldn’t go back on her decision now, but she didn’t get out of the car. Her pulse beat so loudly that she couldn’t find the train of her thoughts.

What if he wouldn’t forgive her? What if he didn’t want her anymore? What if he’d never loved her? What if he laughed in her face? Her eyes burned as tears worked their way to the surface. No, he’d loved her, even if he didn’t now. He’d loved her.

The thought gave her strength. She stepped from the car, expecting to find Chase in the garage. She glanced around and didn’t see him. She ran clammy hands over the back of her jeans.

Maybe he was in the kitchen. She forced her feet to propel her forward. The kitchen was empty, except for the memories. They clung to her as she moved forward. She could picture him making her an omelet.

She peered into the dining room and spun through the media room, where they’d spent an evening watching movies and laughing as he’d shared stories from the set. Her curiosity built as she made her way toward the green-house. Why not meet her out in the garage? Why force her to find him in his favorite room?

She pushed through the doors and swallowed the thick, fragrant air. The whispered rustling of wings and the discord of birdsongs filled the room. The hot moisture clung to her, and she discarded her sweatshirt, leaving it behind on the path. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered, but Chase.

Yanking out the tie in her hair, she let it slip from her fingers to the stone below. The atmosphere of the room pulled at her. The fact that after everything he wanted her in here had to count for something. His favorite room.

She rounded the bend and stared up at the colorful birds perched on branches as if waiting for her. As one they lifted off, flooding her view with rich colors.

Leaving the birds behind, she moved down the path to the gazebo. She could see his shadow in there. Her heart pounded in her chest, and her stomach clenched. She reached up to straighten her glasses only to realize she wasn’t wearing them.

She stopped at the door to the gazebo. He stood inside leaning against a pillar. His face was in shadow. Her hand went out to the door frame to steady herself. What if he hated her?

“Why are you here?”

She couldn’t take her eyes off his. This was it. She either wimped out or tried for the gold. She cleared her throat. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of you. Of me. Of the cameras. Of what I feel.”

He straightened from the pillar. “Why are you scared of me?”

“Because I can’t tell when you are acting.” She held up her hand to stop him from speaking. “My past experiences with guys haven’t been great. You know I was homeschooled before I went to college?”

He nodded but didn’t interrupt.

“Well, my first boyfriend, Bill, seemed to care about me until after we had sex. The door didn’t even hit him on the way out. The guys who pretended to like me to get close to Rachel were even worse. I trusted them, and they lied to me.” She still couldn’t see his face to read it. “Your performances are award-winning. Theirs weren’t.”

His body relaxed back against the pillar.

“I never felt for any of them what I feel when I’m with you. I want it to be real.” She stepped into the gazebo, dropping her hands to her side. “What I feel is real. I love the way I feel when I’m with you. I love that you take care of me. I love you.” Her heart pounded in her chest.