Kara’s eyes bored into hers. "One last time? Cheap thrill?"

"Don’t be like that. It’s not you," Ginny said softly. "You know how I feel about you," Ginny insisted.

"Ginny, go back where you belong," she said, motioning with her head.

"I don’t belong with him," Ginny said.

"Well, you certainly don’t belong with me."

Ginny felt as if she’d been slapped and she stood by silently as Kara slammed the door and sped off.

She walked slowly back to the fire, accepting the burning marshmallow without a word.

"Kara sure was quiet tonight," Nana said after an eternity of silence.

"She’s different," Phil commented.

Certainly different from you, Ginny thought. And I’m in love with her and she doesn’t want me anymore.

They packed their things and drove back, Ginny thankful there was no more talk about a wedding. When Phil would have followed Nana into the house, Ginny stopped him.

"I’d like to talk to you. In private," she said, glancing at Nana. When Nana closed the door, Ginny turned on him, eyes flashing. "How dare you?" she hissed.

"Ginny…"

"How dare you tell Nana that? You know how much she wants us to get married."

He had the audacity to smile at her. "I needed all the help I could get."

"You bastard," she spat, wanting to slap the smile from his face.

"Ginny! You act like this is a surprise. We’ve talked about it."

"I’m not going to marry you. You knew that last night." Her voice softened. "Phil, I’m not in love with you."

"What do you mean?"

"I don’t love you. I’m not going to marry you."

"Ginny, we’ve spent four… nearly five years together. We’re good together."

"Good?" She shook her head. "You call what you did to me last night good? No."

"Ginny, let’s talk about this. I was trying to make love to you."

"Make love? You forced yourself on me, after I asked you to stop."

"Ginny, we’re a couple. Couples make love."

"I want you to leave," she said. "In the morning."

"I’m here a couple of days, you get pissed off and you’re sending me away?" He laughed. "Ginny, be reasonable."

"I am being reasonable. And you’re right," she said. "I am pissed off. I’m pissed as hell that you told Nana we were getting married and I’m pissed as hell that you’re even here in the first place." She was pacing then, her voice rising with each word. "You come up here and act like nothing has changed. You act like I didn’t leave nearly a year ago because I didn’t want to get married. How… dare… you?"

Phil stared at her and for the first time, she saw uncertainty in his eyes.

"You were just scared. Marriage is a big step, Ginny. But I love you."

"You don’t even know me anymore, Phil. I’m not the same person that left."

Phil stared at her again, silently. Finally, he brushed at his moustache with one finger.

"What’s with you and the artist?" he asked.

Ginny wasn’t afraid to meet his eyes. "My relationship with her is none of your business."

"If I didn’t know you better, I’d say…"

"Don’t, Phil," she said quietly. "You have no idea."

"I watched you. You were so quiet before she came and then when she got there, you couldn’t take your eyes off her." His voice was angry and he grabbed her arms. "Did that dyke come on to you or what? Is that what this is about?"

"Dyke?" Ginny laughed softly in his face. "Is that what she is?"

He shoved her away, his eyes searching hers for answers. "Did she?"

"My relationship with her is none of your business," she said again.

"Isn’t it? My God, Ginny, what’s happened to you?" He shoved his hands nervously through his hair and peered at her. "We were going to get married."

"No. We were not. And that has nothing to do with Kara," she said.

"Please tell me you’re not involved with her," he whispered. "Please?"

Ginny stared at him, refusing to look away. "We’re… more than friends, yes," she admitted. "And that has nothing to do with you."

"Jesus," he muttered. "I can’t believe this." He turned his back on her and Ginny was tempted to go to him, to comfort him, but he shrugged her hand away. "Was I that bad in bed? Jesus, you had to replace me with a fucking woman?" he yelled.

"Phil, this has nothing to do with you. It just… happened."

"But you’re not a… a goddamned lesbian," he whispered.

"If what I feel for her makes me a lesbian, then yes, I guess I am." She took his arm and this time he didn’t pull away. "I don’t expect you to understand, Phil. I don’t understand it myself."

"That’s why you cried last night?"

She nodded and shoved her hands in her pockets. "I wasn’t ready to accept this, I guess. I didn’t know for sure that I could be in a… a lesbian relationship like this. But she’s what I want."

"So, it’s over? Just like that?" he asked, his tone hurt again. "Because some dyke came on to you?"

"Stop calling her that," she said sharply. Then her voice softened. "Don’t you see? This has nothing to do with you. I tried, Phil. That’s why I let you come up here. But it’s me. Something was missing with us. That’s why I ran. I just didn’t know what it was."

"And you can’t know now," he insisted.

"Phil, she’s not the first woman I’ve been… attracted to. It was before I met you and nothing happened. I couldn’t allow anything to happen. But… with Kara…" She clutched at her heart and closed her eyes. "This is who I am. I’m so sorry."

"You’re sorry? That’s all you can say? What the hell is Nana going to say?"

"She doesn’t know. And I’m not ready to tell her."

"Well, maybe I should. Maybe she could talk some sense into you."

"Phil, please don’t be this way. It’s not you. It’s me."

"I think you’re sick," he said bitterly. "This whole thing is sick."

"I’m sorry you feel that way then." She faced him squarely and didn’t flinch from the anger in his eyes. "I’ll tell Nana you’re leaving in the morning."

She walked inside, slamming the door behind her. Why did she tell him? Did she honestly expect him to understand?

She got her pillow and tossed it on the sofa, unmindful of Nana watching.

"Ginny?"

"What?" she asked.

"What’s wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything."

"Ginny?"

"Nana, I don’t want to talk now."

"Where’s Phil?"

"Outside, I suppose," she said curtly.

"You’ve had a fight? Ginny, you just got engaged," Nana said innocently.

"Nana, I’m not engaged. I’m not getting married."

"But, Phil…"

"Phil is leaving tomorrow," Ginny said between clinched teeth.

"Leaving? I don’t understand," she said. Nana sat on the sofa beside Ginny and took her hand. "What is it, child?"

"Nana, I’m not… I just… I don’t want to marry Phil. Let’s just leave it at that."

"But he loves you."

Ginny smiled gently and kissed Nana’s hand.

"But I don’t love him."

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

"KARA! OPEN UP, please," Ginny yelled through the door. She walked around to the porch, but the door was locked, the inside dark. Where could she be? She leaned her back against the wall, tucking her hair behind her ears nervously. Where is she? She had been calling all morning, but she had just assumed that Kara was just not answering. Finally, she could stand it no more and she left Nana at the store with a mumbled excuse.

"Kara!" she yelled. Damn it all!

She waited nearly thirty minutes, pacing back and forth, before giving up and driving home. Nana was in the kitchen but she didn’t come out. Nana wasn’t speaking to her today. Because of Phil. Ginny had tried to explain, after Phil had left, but Nana would have none of it. She just didn’t understand how she could let a good man go.

She walked to the phone and punched out the Dobson’s number, counting ten rings before she hung up. Where was she? Was she all right?

They ate their dinner in silence until Ginny couldn’t stand it another second.

"Nana, how long are you going to be this way?"

"What way?" she asked.

"I’m not in the mood, Nana. I’ve had a very bad day," she said wearily. "Why won’t you talk to me?"

"It’s your own fault you’ve had a bad day, sending that poor man away like that," she said.

"Would you have me marry him, knowing that I don’t love him?"

"But he loves you," Nana insisted, as if that was enough.

"But what about me? Don’t I count?"

"You’re nearly thirty," Nana said.

"Twenty-eight," she corrected. "And so what?" She leaned forward. "I don’t need a man, Nana," she said.

"Oh, pooh. Everyone needs a man."

"For what?" Ginny challenged. "I’ve got a job. I can support myself."

"Babies," Nana countered.

"I don’t think I want babies," Ginny said.

"Ginny! Of course you do. I want to be a great-grandmother," she said.

"You already are."

"As if I’ve ever seen Becky’s kids."

Ginny shrugged, certainly not wanting to bring her sister into the conversation. She didn’t want to completely ruin her day.

"Ginny, what’s been wrong? If I didn’t know better, I’d say you changed when you met Kara, but that would hardly be fair to her."

"Nana," Ginny said seriously. "I can’t tell you what’s wrong. You would never understand."

Nana opened her mouth to speak, but Ginny held up her hands. "Enough. Let’s call a truce."

When Nana took her book into the living room, Ginny sat nervously in the kitchen, her hand reaching for the phone. She was actually startled to hear a voice on the other end.