Джерри Хилл - Kara’s Moon

"Turn here," she said, motioning to the house. "And I am not scared," she insisted.

They unpacked in silence, Ginny feeling very crowded as he invaded her room with his things.

"I like your room," he said. He sat on the bed and took her hand possessively, enclosing it in his larger one. "I’ve missed you. I’ve missed making love to you."

"Phil…" she shook her head but he pulled her down beside him.

"Nana won’t be home until six," he said. "She told me."

Ginny smiled slightly, her eyes meeting his brown ones. Nana was trying her best to get her married off. She lifted her neck as Phil placed his lips there, the familiar feel of his moustache raking against her skin.

"Have you missed me?" he asked.

She closed her eyes and nodded as he pushed her back on the bed, his hands nearly groping at her breasts.

"Ginny, there’s been no one since you left," he murmured against her lips.

She was nearly overcome with guilt and she wrapped her arms around his strong shoulders, so different from Kara’s. But it wasn’t right. She opened her mouth to protest and he shoved his tongue inside urgently, pushing at hers, crushing her lips beneath his. She whimpered, feeling tears sting her eyes. Why couldn’t he make her feel the way that Kara did?

"Oh, Ginny, you feel so good," he whispered. He took her hand and placed it on his swollen groin, urging her to stroke him.

Ginny felt his power through his jeans and she let her hand move over him, once so familiar to her, now nearly alien.

"Let’s take these off," he said, his hands going to her jeans. "I’ll take care of you, sweetheart," he whispered.

She was in a daze as he lowered her jeans. Her mind was blank, completely blank as his rough, possessive hands moved over her. He paused only briefly at her breasts, then his mouth came back to hers, and he kissed her with a force that bruised her lips.

"I can’t wait," he murmured and he spread her legs with his knees, plunging deep inside her.

She cried out in shame and gasped as he thrust into her, pushing her hard against the bed. God, oh God, she thought. She squeezed her eyes shut, hearing him groan with each thrust as he pounded into her.

"Oh, Ginny," he gasped and he came inside of her, his hips shaking as he held himself over her.

She felt a tear escape and she rolled her head away from him. Why… oh, why? Surely he knew that she was not aroused, that she had not reached an orgasm. Surely he knew that she had not enjoyed that. It was sex. That was all. There had been no love involved. But, she admitted with sadness, she had let him.

"God, that was so good." He pulled out of her and took her hand gently in his. "But fast. I’ve missed you," he said again. "Tonight we’ll go slower," he promised.

Tonight. And the night after that and all week, he would be sharing her bed. She breathed deeply, feeling choked on her unshed tears. She felt nearly sick to her stomach. Why had she just allowed that? That assault on her. And that’s all it had been. She was simply an object there to satisfy him, to bring him relief.

He sat up and reached for his jeans, which had gathered around his ankles. "Get up, sweetheart. You can show me around town." She didn’t move and he reached for her. "Or are you wanting some more of that?" he asked, winking at her.

She swallowed with difficulty and forced a smile. "No." Definitely not. She made herself move, pulling her jeans back around her waist. She felt repulsed. She felt violated. She wanted to run into the bathroom and shower. She wanted to scream out in frustration. He had no idea, she thought. No idea that he had not satisfied her. And he had not even tried. Oh, Kara, I’m sorry.

"Ginny?"

She kept her back to him as she fastened her bra. "What?"

"You are going to marry me, aren’t you?"

Tell him. Tell him now. She turned back around, the words on her lips, but the look in his eyes stopped her. He looked so vulnerable, so child-like. Her shoulders slumped and she looked away.

"Let’s don’t talk about it now, Phil. Please?"

"Okay. We’ve got all week, anyway. But I warned you, didn’t I? I told you I would be coming to take you back," he said.

"Yes, you warned me."

Ginny cut into her roast, her appetite vanishing with each bite. Nana and Phil carried on a conversation without her, neither seeming to notice that she was a thousand miles away from them. She heard Kara’s name and she looked up, puzzled.

"We haven’t seen her work, though," Nana was saying.

"That’s amazing. Mr. Bradshaw just bought one of her paintings," he said. "Hung it in the conference room."

"Is it any good?" Nana asked.

"Oh. Very. It’s called Tomorrow and Today. It’s a sea stack, out off the Peninsula. The sun is setting in the west and one side of the stack is orange, nearly crimson and the moon is shining overhead, in the east, making the facing side almost glow a ghostly white. It’s beautiful, really."

Ginny listened with interest, thinking how ironic it was that Phil had seen Kara’s work but she, who had spent countless hours in her arms, had not even thought to ask to see it.

"Well, I knew she would be good," Nana said.

"She must be. Cost him over two thousand bucks," Phil said.

"My, my," Nana said. "Ginny, can you image that? And here I was thinking maybe I’d like one of her paintings."

Phil looked at Ginny and smiled. "So, you’re hanging out with a famous artist and you haven’t even seen any of her paintings. Are you sure it’s the same Kara Morgan?"

"Yes," Ginny said lightly, glancing at Nana.

"Oh, we’ve seen her sketch, but nothing else," Nana said.

"Well, I’d certainly like to meet her," Phil said.

Ginny cringed, imagining having to introduce Phil to Kara.

"Oh, and I’m sure she wants to meet you, too. Ginny’s told her all about you. Haven’t you, Ginny?"

Ginny gave Nana a penetrating glance and nodded, shoving a piece of roast into her mouth to avoid speaking.

"Why don’t we have a cookout tomorrow? We can go to the campgrounds out by Drury Falls. There’s a wonderful hiking trail there. You do like to hike, don’t you Phil?" Nana asked.

"I guess so. Not that I get much of a chance in Seattle," he said.

"We can invite Kara, Ginny. Maybe have a campfire with hotdogs and chili," Nana said. "Sounds exciting, doesn’t it?"

"Yes, let’s do. What do you say, Ginny?" Phil asked.

Ginny nodded weakly, thinking she would never invite Kara. She would make up some excuse. She could not handle the both of them together. She would simply go insane if she tried.

Phil lounged by the TV while Ginny and Nana cleaned up.

"Ginny, you don’t have to help. I know you’d rather be out there with Phil," Nana said.

Ginny let out a heavy sigh. "No. I’ll help," she said.

Nana set the plates down and took Ginny’s arm. "What’s wrong, child? You hardly said a word at dinner."

"Nothing’s wrong, Nana." Only everything.

"Phil loves you," Nana said.

Ginny nodded. "Yes, I believe he does," she said.

"Good."

That night, as Ginny crawled into bed beside Phil and let him take her into his arms, she felt that she had surely reached the lowest point in her life. She nearly choked when his tongue shoved into her mouth and when his hands grasped her breasts in his vise-like grip, she finally pushed him away.

"No, Phil," she said.

"No? What do you mean?"

"I mean, no. I don’t want you to touch me. I don’t want this."

"Ginny? Are you okay?"

"No. I’m not. You come here after nine months of separation, thinking that nothing has changed. Well, it has," she said quietly. "Things have changed. I’ve changed."

"I still love you. I still want to marry you," he said simply.

"Phil, I left because I needed some time away from you. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to marry you. I’m still not sure," she said cautiously.

"Ginny, we’ve been together for years. What’s next for us, if not marriage?"

"Phil, don’t do this to me. You know how much Nana wants us to get married. She’s been harping on me since I moved here. I’m happy right now," she said, choosing her words carefully.

Phil laughed. "You can’t possibly be happy. There’s nothing here for you. And you’re too young to be an old maid, even if Nana does think you’re fast approaching that age," he said lightly. "Besides, I’m not leaving until you agree to marry me."

"I’m not going back to Seattle, Phil," she said firmly.

"Oh, Ginny. Don’t be difficult," he teased. "Let me make love to you," he coaxed. "You must have missed it, too."

"Phil, don’t," she warned, but his hands came out again and he pulled her on top of him, his arousal pushing up against her.

"See how I want you," he said and he pressed her firmly against him.

"Phil, please, don’t do this," she begged, trying to break his hold, but his mouth smothered her protests.

She hated herself as he pulled her panties down and entered her. Images of Kara’s gentle lovemaking came to her as Phil plundered her body and she didn’t try to stop the tears that flowed from her eyes.