Finally, it was all out there between them. No more games.
And as Taylor’s eyes searched Jason’s, she knew he was right.
He was her match.
Right from the very beginning, even when she had told herself that she hated him, he’d made her laugh. From the very beginning, he had gotten her. He knew her, he understood her. In so many ways, they were the same. She may have fussed and fought, but secretly she loved every moment they spent together. He was smart and witty and sexy as hell, but underneath it all, he was generous and kind and—surprisingly—as vulnerable as anyone else. Most important, he challenged her. And he drove her absolutely fucking crazy.
And that’s what made him perfect.
But.
As she stared into Jason’s deep blue eyes, she finally faced her deepest, darkest truths.
She had gotten lucky with Daniel, she knew that. After the shock of his cheating had worn off, she had been able to move on. Of course there had been some sadness, and mostly a lot of embarrassment, but nothing that she hadn’t been able to isolate and control with her usual degree of calm and collected coolness.
But that would not be the case with Jason.
If she trusted Jason and she was wrong, and one day she walked in on him with another woman, she didn’t think she could handle it. And even if she didn’t catch him red-handed, even if there wasn’t any cheating at all, even if he just got bored with her one day—after all, wasn’t that inevitable, Hollywood relationships never worked out—the simple truth of the matter was—
She would never get over him.
With Jason, there would be no calm and collected coolness. No feelings that could be isolated and controlled. It would be all or nothing, and Taylor feared that if she lost him, she would never find her way back.
So with a heavy but firm heart, she looked up at Jason and gave him her answer.
“I can’t.”
He stared at her knowingly. “You’re afraid.”
“Yes.”
They were both surprised she admitted this. Jason reached out and took both of her hands. He laced his fingers through hers.
“Tell me what it will take, Taylor. I’ll do anything you ask.”
So raw and naked were his words, she had to look away. Deep down, there was a part of her who ached to hear him say exactly that. Which meant that the scared part of her needed to stop him from saying anything else. She had to find a way to remain strong.
Her eye caught something on her coffee table—something she had placed there several weeks ago, one Sunday afternoon when she’d been straightening her apartment. Perhaps to serve as a reminder.
People magazine. “The Women of Jason Andrews!” article.
Taylor removed her hands from Jason’s and held the magazine between them. The parade of all his ex-lovers/dates/ whatevers.
“Did you tell all of these women the same thing?”
Confronted with his past, Jason shook his head. “No. Those women have nothing to do with us.”
“Not even the supermodel? The one you brought to London?” Taylor saw that he was surprised she knew about this. “Did you tell her—”
“I’ll save you the trouble, in case you have a whole cross-examination prepared,” he said. “Yes, I’ve done a lot of bad things. I don’t deny it. But that all changed once I met you. I haven’t thought of anyone else from the first moment I saw you in that courtroom.”
Taylor’s expression remained surprisingly impassive.
“What about Naomi Cross?”
Jason’s shoulders sagged a little at this. “Naomi was different,” he said lamely.
Taylor’s face stayed firm. It had to. “I see. Naomi’s different.”
Jason shook his head in frustration. “No—that came out wrong.” He took a step closer and peered down at her earnestly.
“What I’m trying to say is that you’re the one who’s different, Taylor.”
Ahhh . . . the magic words. The very words she had promised herself to never believe again.
But what about the look in Jason’s eyes? He seemed so forthright. So convincing.
Taylor hesitated.
She needed to stay firm. She looked down at her hands. At the magazine she held. “The Women of Jason Andrews!”
Seeing this, Jason yanked the magazine out of her hands. “Stop looking at this bullshit!” He threw the magazine against the wall and it crashed to the floor with a noisy flutter.
And then . . .
A tiny card slipped out from the magazine’s strewn pages.
Both Jason and Taylor saw it. He walked over and picked it up. Realizing what it was, Taylor looked away as Jason read the words on the card out loud.
“I’m sorry. And I love you. Daniel.”
Jason’s expression changed the moment he read the card. He turned back to her with a strange look.
“Now I see what the problem is. Tell me, Taylor, whose mistakes am I paying for?”
Taylor’s eyes narrowed. How dare he.
She picked the magazine off the floor and held it up. Her words were cold. “Your own.”
And with that, Jason’s eyes filled with hurt. But then, almost as quickly, they turned stony. Dead. His voice was flat and emotionless.
“If that’s how you feel, then I guess there’s nothing more we have to say to each other.”
And without so much as another look, he turned and walked out of her apartment.
When she heard the door slam, Taylor sat down on her couch. She fought hard against what happened next. She took a deep breath.
There’s no crying in baseball.
She blinked.
There’s no crying in baseball.
She wouldn’t do it. There’s no crying in baseball.
But it was a futile struggle. For the first time in her adult life, a tear ran down her face. And then another.
Taylor sat quietly on her couch, alone.
She did not brush the tears away.
Thirty-three
LINDA HELD UP the last of the remaining boxes, one marked “Miscellaneous.” Taylor gestured to the stack they had collected by her office door. “That one gets shipped to Chicago.” Linda nodded and put the box with the others.
They had been going at this for the past two days. For only having been in Los Angeles for a few months, Taylor had managed to collect a lot of files.
“I think that’s the last one,” Linda said.
Taylor nodded. She felt tired. Probably from all the packing, which seemed endless. When she wasn’t packing at the office, she was packing at home. The movers were coming to her apartment first thing the next morning, and then she’d be off to the airport. She already had several meetings scheduled for tomorrow afternoon in the Chicago office. As a new partner, she wanted to hit the ground running.
At the thought of being back in Chicago, Taylor looked out her office window. She knew Linda wanted to ask about Jason but Taylor really hoped she wouldn’t. It was bad enough that she was a mess at home. Every time her phone rang, she ran and checked the caller ID, hoping to see Jason’s number. She’d even skimmed the cable guide a time or two, looking to see if any of his movies just “happened” to be on.
Sensing that Taylor needed a moment alone, Linda turned to leave the office. But then she stopped in the doorway. “I just realized, we forgot to pack your desk drawer.”
The desk had one narrow drawer in the center. Taylor glanced at it, and then waved Linda off. “It’s no problem. I’ll take care of it myself.”
“Are you sure?”
Taylor nodded. “Yep. There’s not much in there anyway, just a few pens and notepads.”
Linda nodded and left. Taylor stayed at her desk until she knew the coast was clear, then walked over and shut her door. When she got back to her desk, she slowly opened its one drawer. Folded inside was the “Shit Happens” T-shirt.
Taylor took the shirt out and set it on top of her desk. She ran her finger over the words. It was where it had all begun.
She got up and headed over to the box marked “Miscellaneous.” Being careful to keep the shirt neatly folded, she placed it inside the box, smoothing it to make sure it didn’t wrinkle.
She took a step back and nodded. That was that.
She closed the lid of the box and tightly sealed it with the roll of packing tape Linda had left behind.
LATER THAT AFTERNOON, Taylor heard laughter and excited voices outside her office: the familiar chatter of the secretarial cohorts. She realized that she would actually kind of miss it.
But then she heard a man’s voice. A lazy drawl she would’ve recognized anywhere.
“Well, I’m glad to see you ladies missed me,” the voice said teasingly.
Jason!
Taylor flew out of her desk chair and ran into the hallway and—
—stopped when she saw the secretaries crowded around Linda’s desk, watching television. On the screen, Taylor could see Jason being interviewed on The View. Her face fell in disappointment.
Seeing Taylor’s expression, Linda came over. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just got back from dropping your boxes off in the mail room and found them watching the TV again.”
“It’s okay, Linda.”
The other secretaries turned when they heard her voice. “Oh good, Taylor, you’re here,” the secretary nearest the television said. “I think you might want to see this.”
Taylor couldn’t help but be curious. “You’ve seen this before?”
“I recorded it and brought it in. I thought you should watch for yourself,” the secretary replied.
Unable to help herself, Taylor watched as Barbara Walters began the interview with some standard chitchat, asking Jason about his hectic schedule. Ever the movie star, he smiled and agreed that things were crazy, promoting one film while in the middle of shooting another.
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