“Neither am I. I'm not sure if I'm asking you or telling you, or if either is relevant. We don't have any idea yet where things are going with us, or if it will work out, no matter how much we love each other.” She was being honest about that, and he admired her for it. And what she said was true. He was in love with her, but whether or not it would prove to be a relationship for life, or one that even worked short-term, neither of them could judge yet. This was just the beginning for them. They hadn't even been to bed yet, although the prospect of it was certainly appealing. But a baby was a major commitment. They had no argument about that. “All my life,” she struggled to explain to him, “people have been telling me what to do in that area, as well as every other. My parents made me give Lizzie up. Bobby Joe made me have abortions early on, and then I had them because I didn't want his kids. Jack forbade me to have kids, so I had my tubes tied. And then he forbade me to see Lizzie. And now this baby comes along, and I want to be sure that I do what I need to do, what's right for me, not just for you. Because if I give him up, in order to have you, maybe I'll always feel that I gave up something I shouldn't have. On the other hand, I don't want to lose you over a baby who isn't mine anyway. Do you see what I mean?” she asked, looking confused, and he smiled and sat down next to her on the bed, and put an arm around her and pulled her close to him.

“Yes, I see what you mean. Although it sounds a little complicated when you say it. But I don't want to take something away from you that's right for you either. You'd wind up hating me for it, or feeling cheated someday. Particularly since you've never had a baby since Lizzie, and you're not able to, and you missed nineteen years of her life. I've had all that. I don't have a right to deprive you of it.” It was what Jack should have said to her seven years before when he married her, but hadn't. But they hadn't been honest with each other, and this was extraordinarily different. Bill had absolutely nothing in common with Jack Hunter. And the woman she was now bore no relation to the woman she had been when she married Jack. It was a whole new world.

“On the other hand,” Bill went on, wanting to be scrupulously honest with her, so he didn't mislead her, “I don't know if I'm willing to turn the clock back that many years, or even if I'd want to. I'm a lot older than you, Maddy You should be having babies at your age. I should be having grandchildren. This kind of makes me face that. It's something for both of us to think about. I don't think it's even fair for a baby to have a father my age.” She was sad to hear him say it, and she didn't agree with him, but she didn't want to sell fatherhood to him either.

“There's nothing wrong with having a father your age,” she said, believing what she said. “You'd be wonderful with a baby. Or a child. Or anyone.” It was kind of a crazy conversation anyway, since they weren't even talking about marriage. “We're kind of putting the cart before the horse about all this, aren't we?” They were, but she also had a decision to make about this particular baby, before someone else adopted him, and it became a moot point for Maddy. And she knew she wouldn't go out looking for any other baby. But this was different. He was the product of a life-altering event, and she wasn't entirely willing to ignore that. Andy's sudden arrival in her life felt like an act of fate.

“What do you want to do?” he asked her simply. “What would you do if I didn't exist?” That simplified it for her.

“Adopt him,” she said without hesitation.

“Then do it. You can't live your life for someone else, Maddy. You've done that all your life. I could die tomorrow or next week. We could decide that we're both terrific people but we'd rather be friends than lovers, although I hope not. Follow your heart, Maddy. If it's right for us, we'll work it out eventually. And who knows, maybe I'd love having a kid to play baseball with in my dotage.” She loved him all the more for the way he said it. And she didn't disagree with him. She didn't want to give something up that had perhaps been meant to be. She felt there was a reason why God had given her another chance, not only with Bill, but Lizzie, and this baby.

“Would you think I'm completely nuts if I adopt him? I don't know if I even have a job now. Jack threatened to fire me.”

“That's not the issue here. You'll have a job in the next five minutes, if you don't now. The question is if you want to bring up someone else's child, and take on that responsibility for the rest of your life. That is something to consider.”

“I am,” she said seriously. He knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't make the decision lightly.

“To answer your question, no, I wouldn't think you're crazy. Brave. And young. And energetic. And incredibly honorable and decent and loving and giving. But not crazy.” It was all she needed to know and it helped her with her decision.

She lay awake thinking about it all night, and in the morning, she called the social worker, and told her she wanted to adopt Andy. The social worker congratulated her, and told her she'd put the paperwork in motion. It was a heady moment in Maddy's life, and first she cried with joy and relief, and then she called first Bill and then Lizzie, and both of them sounded pleased for her, although she knew he had reservations. But if it was going to work with them, she couldn't give up her life's dreams for him either. And she knew he didn't want her to. He just didn't know if he wanted to be coaching Little League baseball at seventy, and she couldn't blame him for that. All she could hope for was that it would prove to be a blessing for everyone, not only for her and Bill, but especially for Andy.

When she left the hospital that day, she was wearing the clothes Bill had bought for her, and she went straight back to his house. She was amazed by how tired she still was, even though she hadn't gotten seriously hurt, the trauma of the explosion at the mall had taken a lot out of her. But she called her producer and promised to go back to work on Monday. And Elliott had called her several times, in awe of what had happened to her, and grateful that she had survived. It seemed like everyone she'd ever known had sent her flowers at the hospital. It was a relief to be peacefully at Bill's house. And the next day she was going to get her things in spite of Jack's threats that she could keep nothing. She had hired a security guard she knew to go with her. She hadn't heard a word from Jack since she told him she was leaving.

And that evening, she and Bill sat in front of the fireplace and talked for hours, while listening to music. He had cooked her dinner and served it by candlelight. She felt utterly spoiled and pampered. And neither of them could believe their good fortune. Suddenly, she was staying in his house, and she was free of Jack. They had a whole new world before them. Although it felt strange to Maddy. It was suddenly as though Jack didn't exist, and their entire life together had disappeared.

“I guess the abuse group really worked,” she beamed at him. “I'm a big girl now,” but she could still feel tremors of the past from time to time. She worried about Jack, and felt sorry for him, and feared he was depressed over what she'd said, and how ungrateful she appeared to be to him. She had no way of knowing that he had spent the weekend with a twenty-two-year-old girl he had met and slept with in Las Vegas. But there was a lot Maddy didn't know about him, and never would now.

“All it took,” Bill teased, “was blowing up an entire shopping mall to bring you to your senses.” But they both knew how seriously he took it. He had been devastated watching the tragedies all around him as he waited for them to rescue her. But it had been such a shocking thing that they both needed to lighten the moment a little. “When are you getting Andy, by the way?”

“I don't know yet. They're going to call me.” And then she asked him something she had thought of from the moment she decided to adopt Andy. “Will you be his godfather, if you won't be anything else to him?” she asked him seriously and he took her in his arms and held her.

“I'd be honored,” and then after he kissed her, he reminded her of something. “I haven't said I wouldn't be ‘anything else to him.’ We still have to figure that out. But if we're going to have a baby, Maddy, there are a few details we still need to attend to.” She laughed, and understood instantly what he was saying.

They put the dishes in the dishwasher, and turned the lights off, and walked quietly upstairs together, with his arm around her, and she followed him cautiously into his bedroom. She had discreetly put her few possessions in the guest room, not wanting him to feel pressured. She knew from everything he had said to her that there had been no other woman in his life since Margaret's death, but it had been just over a year now. The anniversary of it had been excruciating for him, but he had seemed freer and a little more lighthearted ever since.

She sat on his bed and they talked for a while, about the mall, his kids, Jack, and everything she'd been through. They had no secrets from each other. And as he looked at her, with love in his eyes, he pulled her slowly closer to him.

“I feel like a kid again when I'm with you,” he whispered, which was his way of telling her he was scared, but so was she, though only a little. She knew she had nothing to fear from him.

And when they kissed, all the ghosts of the past fell away from both of them, or were at least put away for the moment, the good as well as the bad. It was like starting a new life with a man who had been her friend for so long she could no longer imagine a life without him.