They had dinner with the others that night, and stayed out later than usual with them, dancing beneath the stars, and then they went for a walk on the beach in the dark, just holding hands and talking softly. They never kissed when they were out of their room, for fear that someone would see them.

And finally, the next morning, Steve called her. Cal had just left her room, and she was startled when the phone rang and she heard him. And the moment she heard his voice, she felt incredibly guilty.

“How's it going, Merrie?” Steve asked cheerfully. “Having fun?”

“It's been great so far,” she said, matching her tone to his, but she felt like a criminal when she did it. “We've been very busy.”

“I'll bet you have. It must be like taking Boy Scouts to camp.”

“More or less,” she laughed, but it was a hollow sound, and she almost winced thinking of the pain she might cause him.

They talked for a short time, and she finally told him she had to go to a meeting. “I'll call you when I can,” she promised, and he gave her dispensation, if not absolution.

“Don't worry about it, babe. I know you're busy. Just call when it's convenient.” Everything he said made her feel worse by the minute, and when she saw Cal after their first meeting of the day, he sensed her tension.

“Is something wrong, Merrie?” he asked softly, as they walked to lunch with the others.

“I talked to Steve.” She looked unhappy as she said it, and for an instant, he panicked. He was terrified of what she would say next. He didn't want their romance to end.

“Did you tell him about us?” He knew that it was an eventual possibility, but to him, it seemed early days to do that. They were still feeling their way along, trying to figure out where they were going. This was still very new to both of them, and he thought they needed some time to adjust, before she told her husband, although he hoped that she would eventually. The only thing he knew at the moment was that, if it was possible, he wanted a future with Merrie, one that did not include Steve.

“No, of course not,” she answered. “But he was so nice on the phone, I felt terrible. Cal, he doesn't deserve this.”

He nodded, not sure what to say to her, and then whispered, “No, but we do. Maybe we've earned it.”

“Not at his expense,” she countered. And there was no hiding from the fact that someone was going to get hurt. They had to. There couldn't be three winners in a situation like this. Someone was going to lose.

“What are you saying to me?” he said with a look of panic as they walked slowly behind the others. He wondered if she was already telling him that it was over, but she couldn't do that.

“I'm just saying that I feel badly for him. But at least he doesn't know anything about it.”

“I understand,” Cal said, relieved. And they walked into lunch side by side.

For the rest of the trip, they did what they had come to do, and the retreat went extremely well from everyone's point of view. And at night, they discovered new worlds in each other's arms, and cemented the bond that had been growing for months between them. By the time they left Hawaii, Meredith was so in love with him that in some ways, she wished the world could share their happiness with them. But there was no way for them to do that. More than ever, they had to be discreet.

Cal took her to her apartment when they got home, and spent hours there with her. And when the phone rang, she didn't answer it. She knew it would be Steve, and she just couldn't face it. This was rapidly becoming more than she could cope with.

Cal had to tear himself away when he left finally, and after he got home and saw his kids, he called her, and this time, hoping it would be him, she answered.

“I miss you,” he said softly, and she laughed. They were like two high school kids, head over heels in love with each other.

“I miss you too. Do you want to come back later?” she whispered.

“I thought you'd never ask,” he said, laughing at himself, and happy with her. He said good night to his children, left them with the housekeeper when they went to bed, and was back with her by eleven. And the next morning they went to work together. He had asked the housekeeper to tell the kids he had an early meeting, in case they didn't see him in the morning.

“How are we going to do this?” she asked, as she fixed him breakfast and handed him The Wall Street Journal.

“Carefully, I suspect. Wisely, sensibly. Slowly. We both have to give this a lot of thought, Meredith.” They had talked about it a lot, and they both wanted to proceed slowly. They had a lot to think about. And she had told him from the first that she was not going to leave Steve. And he said he understood that. But what that meant, for both of them, was that this could be finite. It was only a question of how long it would last, how they could manage it with the least potential damage for everyone, and if it was worth it. For the moment, they were both convinced it would be, no matter how limited their future. And Cal knew he had to accept that, although he didn't like it. He wanted Merrie in his life now, as much more than just a friend and employee.

They spent the day together at work, as usual. And Steve called her before lunch. He was busy, dashing in and out of surgeries, and still covering for Harvey Lucas. Lucas was scheduled to be out for another month, or three weeks at least. But Anna was still helping keep all the balls in the air. The trauma unit was like a circus act, and he was on the high wire most of the time, riding a unicycle, and juggling flaming torches.

Steve barely had time to ask her about Hawaii, and inquired if she was still coming home that weekend. She said she was, and then the moment she hung up, she regretted it, when Cal walked in and asked her if she wanted to go to Carmel with him and his children.

“I'd love to,” she said, looking disappointed, “but I just told Steve I'd come home.” She saw something flicker in Cal's eyes, but he said nothing. “Maybe I should call him and postpone it.”

“That's up to you,” he said quietly. He didn't want to put undue pressure on her. But as she thought about it, she hated leaving him, and she knew she wasn't ready to see Steve yet after everything that had happened in Hawaii.

She called Steve back that afternoon, and told him that something had come up at the office, and she had to see customers that weekend. He said he understood, but he didn't sound happy about it. And she felt like an ax murderer again when she hung up. She was doing something she had never done with him before. She was lying to him. And it also occurred to her that she was doing exactly what Cal's ex-wife had done, and he had hated her for it. She was sleeping with her boss, and lying to her husband. It wasn't a pretty picture, and she said as much to Cal that night, when they were at her apartment. He had come over after having dinner with his kids, and he was tired. But he didn't like what she said about Charlotte.

“This is not the same thing, Merrie,” he said emphatically.

“How is it different? It's almost exactly the same situation.”

“She was involved with him when I married her, and she never told me. She continued the affair after our marriage, and on and off while we were having children. We were married for seven years, and she was involved with him the entire time, and had been for several years before that. She never told me what was going on, and she left me for him. I'd say that's very different. I never knew any of it until I figured it out for myself afterward. And it's just a miracle that none of my children are his. If they didn't all look so much like me, I'd be worried.”

“That must have been awful,” Meredith sympathized with him, but she still didn't like the similarities in the two situations, and undeniably, there were some.

And that weekend they went to Carmel with his children. They stayed at the Lodge at Pebble Beach, and she had a separate room, but surprisingly, none of his children seemed to mind her being with them. They had accepted her as a friend. She shopped with the girls while Cal and Andy played golf. And they went to Platti in Carmel, and had pasta for dinner. And the conversation was lively. The children teased their father about a number of things, his hair, the way he dressed, the kind of women he liked, or didn't, even the way he played golf. But it was all in relatively good humor. It was obvious that despite whatever foibles they saw, they genuinely loved him. And they gave Meredith safe passage, because they knew she wasn't his girlfriend, and was married to Steve.

“It must be hard not having your husband live here,” Mary Ellen said sympathetically, which startled Meredith. It was a surprisingly adult thing to say, and she nodded in agreement.

“It is. He's trying to find a job, but it's not easy, and right now he's stuck in New York anyway, because his boss had an accident,” she explained.

“He fixes people who get shot, right?” Andy asked sensibly and she laughed.

“That and a few other things.”

“People must shoot each other a lot in New York to need a special doctor for it,” he added, and they all laughed. It was an interesting perception, and not entirely inaccurate, but it reminded her again that Steve was very much part of her life, and she couldn't avoid him forever.

She and Cal talked about it again that night, and she said she really had to go home the following weekend. But when Thursday came, she found she truly did have to see customers, coming in from Tokyo. And she didn't know what to tell Steve, since she had already used that excuse for the weekend she'd spent in Carmel with Cal and his kids.

“Again?” Steve said unhappily when she told him she couldn't come home that weekend. “Christ, Merrie, do you ever plan to get back here? You know how stuck I am, with Lucas gone.”