“I worry about it sometimes. He's a good-looking guy, and I like him actually. But I trust her. Merrie wouldn't do that.”

Anna was polite enough not to tell him that she wasn't so sure. People were people, and if they got lonely enough, they did foolish things. “We've never cheated on each other.”

“I admire that about you,” she said honestly. She knew how lonely he was, and how unhappy, but he had never made a pass at her, or implied anything, or even given her the impression that he would have. Meredith was a lucky woman. Maybe they both were. She hoped so, for his sake.

“I just don't believe in fooling around. Besides, Meredith would know. I think being straight about it is the only way we can do this.” It had been almost four months since she'd left New York, and living bicoastally was the greatest challenge they'd ever faced. It meant he never had anyone to do things with on weekends, when she was in California, or talk to at night when he got home, or complain to when things were difficult at work, or laugh with, or make love to in the morning. It was hard as hell, but it was only temporary, and they knew that. He didn't want to do anything stupid that would permanently screw up their marriage. And he had said as much to Anna.

“Well, you'd better get your ass out there one of these days, Steve, before one of you gets too lonely, or has too many drinks at a party one night, and blows it.”

“I know,” he nodded. He had actually been thinking about the ER job at San Francisco General ever since Meredith left the previous weekend. It was just getting too difficult to be apart. “She offered to give up her job a few weeks ago, and come back, but I don't want her to do that. It's a great job, and it wouldn't be fair to her,” he said with a sigh.

“You're a nice guy, Steve Whitman. I just hope she deserves you.”

“She does,” he assured her. But when he went home that night, he found himself thinking of Anna and the hard life she led, in the cockroach-infested apartment she shared with her daughter. She deserved so much better. It was hard to accept how unfair life was at times. He and Meredith had so much, and people like Callan Dow and Anna's ex-husband had more, and she had so little, almost nothing. And yet she didn't seem to mind it. She believed in the integrity of what she was doing.

And as he went to bed alone that night, as usual now, he found himself thinking of what she had said, about Meredith going to Hawaii on her retreat, and whether or not he minded. And the fact that one of these days one of them would get too lonely, or have too many drinks, or maybe worse yet meet someone they cared about. The prospect of it was terrifying, if he really thought about it. But he also knew that for him or Meredith at least, that could never happen. But he lay awake for a long time that night, thinking about Meredith at first, and then about Anna and Felicia. And he was glad that they were friends. In a short time, they had come to mean a lot to him.





Chapter 13

THE RETREAT THAT Callan had planned for Dow Tech's senior management was scheduled to last four days, and was booked into the Mauna Lani, on the island of Hawaii. More than thirty of his staff had been invited to attend, and eighteen of them were bringing spouses. It was a large group, and managing the arrangements was like organizing the transport of an invading army. Meals had to be planned, activities for every night, luaus, dinner parties, hula displays, and of course meetings.

By the day before they left, Meredith was ready to throw them all out the window. And when she complained to Cal about it, he thought it was funny.

“People turn into children when they go somewhere,” she moaned, as they went over the last details for the meetings. They had to be planned in the morning, so people could play tennis or golf, go to the beach, take island tours, or go shopping. The meetings weren't supposed to be too long, too demanding, or too boring. In truth, it was more of an excuse to get everyone acquainted, but suddenly there were requests for special rooms, special meals, and in two cases, massages.

“Just do the best you can,” he told Meredith and the two women who were in charge of arrangements. Meredith was involved, because she had to keep track of expenses, and he trusted her judgment.

“Why don't we just send everyone a check, and tell them to go to Las Vegas for the weekend?” Meredith grumbled.

“We'll try that next year,” Cal agreed, remaining good humored. He was looking forward to it, and only sorry he couldn't take his children. He knew the hotel well, had been there before with them, and knew they would have loved it. But this trip was strictly for adults, although they were behaving like high school kids going on tour with the school band. Before they even left, there were squabbles about room assignments. Several people were familiar with the hotel, and had preferences about floors, corners, heights, views, and air conditioning.

Meredith had told Steve about it, and asked if he wanted to come. But he was on call, and he knew she'd be busy. And with his schedule, he really couldn't get away.

“I'm going to miss you,” she said to him on the phone the night before they left.

“You won't even know I'm not there. It sounds like you'll have your hands full keeping everyone happy.” He was pleased for her. It sounded like a nice change, and in spite of the headaches, he was sure she'd enjoy it. Meredith was far less certain. Everyone had been real pains in the neck so far.

But on the day they left, as they congregated in the airport wearing everything from Hawaiian shirts to white linen suits, they were all in good spirits. It looked like a traveling cocktail party, and when she finally settled into her seat on the plane next to Cal, in first class, she was exhausted. Only a handful of them were traveling first class, the chief officers of the company. The others were in coach, in a large block of seats she had gotten for them at a healthy discount.

“Do I want to know what this is costing us?” Cal asked her with a look of amusement, as a flight attendant served them champagne, and Meredith declined it. At nine in the morning, it was just too early, and she asked for coffee instead.

“You only want to know, if they let me give you oxygen on takeoff,” she said, sipping her coffee.

“That's what I thought. Don't tell me. It's good for morale. Or it's supposed to be anyway.” And once they took off, she relaxed, and settled into her seat with a stack of reading. He scolded her for bringing her briefcase with her.

“I can't go anywhere without it, Cal,” she smiled sheepishly. “It makes me feel too guilty.”

“We'll have to sign you up for hula lessons to distract you. I don't want you working too hard on this trip, Meredith. You have to get a little fun out of it. Everyone else will.”

“Not if they don't get their special diets, or their rooms are on the wrong floors, or they can't get into the luau.”

“They'll survive it.” They went over the schedule for the meetings, and the groups, and the outlines he had drawn up for discussions, and eventually, Meredith put her papers away, and let Cal talk her into watching the movie. They were on a direct flight to Kona, and the flight was just long enough to allow for one meal, a snack, the movie, and a short nap between takeoff and landing. And halfway through the flight, she saw Cal looking pensively out the window, and couldn't help wondering what he was thinking.

“Are you okay?” she asked him gently.

“I'm fine.” He looked at her. “I was just thinking. We've brought this company so far in a short time. I feel very lucky.”

“It's not luck, Cal. You've worked hard for all of this.”

“So have you in the past four months.” No one had ever worked harder. He was grateful, every time he thought about it, that Charlie had left, and Meredith had joined them. She was one of his greatest assets. “I hope you're as happy with us, as we are with you,” he said gratefully.

“I am. If we ever get Steve a job out here, my life will be perfect.” She looked sad as she said it. It was so hard never having him part of her daily life anymore. He seemed so far away now. And he was. He was someone she visited once or twice a month, like an old friend, or an old boyfriend. There were times when he no longer seemed like her husband. He was no longer part of her daily activities, never there to laugh with or talk to, or share her problems with, except when she could reach him on his pager. He seemed to be home less and less often these days. Like her, he was always working. He had nothing else to do without her.

“I know it's hard on you, Merrie,” Cal said quietly. “I wish there was something I could do about it.”

“Maybe one day there will be. In the meantime, we just have to get through it.” But it wasn't easy. He was one of the only spouses who hadn't come on the trip. And she hated the fact that he wouldn't be there.

“It's a damn shame his job fell through in the East Bay. That was rotten luck.”

“Maybe it was fate,” she said philosophically. “Maybe something better will turn up soon.” She was still hopeful.

“I hope so.” Cal sounded sincere as he said it. More than anything, he wanted her to be happy. Because if she wasn't happy, there was always the chance that she would leave the company, and the thought of that terrified him. Dow Tech needed her now, and so did he, to run the financial end of his business. More than that, he needed her personally. He told her everything, and shared all his fears and joys and confidences with her. They were almost like partners in the business. And there was more than that to it now too. He even confided in her about his children. They were confidants and coconspirators, and best friends.