“Is that what happened to you?” He sounded puzzled, and he didn't agree with what she said. He still thought he could talk Meredith into having a baby, she was just nervous about it. Anna didn't know her. But he had always thought Meredith would be a great mother, if she gave herself the chance.

“Nope,” Anna answered him honestly. She was always honest with him. It was her style, and she liked him. “I got knocked up. Plain and simple. We'd been dating for about two months, and zap, bingo. He was panicked. And I wasn't too happy either.”

“Why didn't you have an abortion? It would have been simpler.”

“Lots. I'm Catholic. I didn't want to. I couldn't afford it. I always thought I could, if I had to. But I couldn't. My father went nuts. My mother cried. My sisters felt sorry for me. My brothers wanted to kill him. It wasn't my favorite time in my life. I was going to go back to Puerto Rico after my residency, you know, to help my own people, take care of the poor. I thought about specializing in tropical diseases for a while, but it's better for me here, working in the ER. Anyway, it's too complicated to go back to Puerto Rico now. It's easier for me here. Easier for them too. They don't have to apologize for me, or lie about Felicia. My father tells people I'm a widow.” It was amazing sometimes the things families did to each other, but nothing surprised Steve anymore. He had heard too many stories. And hers didn't surprise him either. He just felt sorry for her. She was on her own, in tough circumstances, and somehow she managed. It was such a far cry from Meredith with her big job, and huge salary, the stock portfolio she had put together for them, and their comfortable apartment. It made him feel more than a little guilty as he listened. His life was so much easier than Anna's. It made him want to help her in some way, but there wasn't much he could do for her, except get her a real job in the trauma unit one day, instead of just a locum tenens. “What about you?” she asked him then. “Do you ever think of doing anything else? Private practice? Or maybe working in a clinic in a Third World country?”

“Only in my worst nightmares,” he smiled at her and she laughed. “This is bad enough. I don't need snakes and parasites to make it any worse for me. Is that what you want to do when you grow up, Anna?”

“Yeah. One day. Maybe when Felicia's older. I can't do that with her now. That was my specialty as a resident, infectious diseases. But after Felicia was born, I switched to ER work and stayed in New York. It's safer.”

“That's a depressing statement. If you don't get shot here, you never will. It's safer on the subway after dark than it is here, all those nuts who shoot each other eventually wind up here and could come after you.”

“But at least Felicia has a normal life. I can't give her that working in the Third World.”

It was a point, but Steve knew that life was also not easy for them here.

They worked together day after day, and Steve grew fonder and fonder of her. The brittle outer shell was only skin deep, and inside there was an extraordinary, sensitive woman. And the packaging wasn't bad either. He saw her leave in jeans and a T-shirt one night, and a ski jacket, with her hair down, and she was stunning. He couldn't even begin to imagine how great she would look in real clothes, with makeup. But she never wore either, she didn't have them, and didn't want them. She was a totally natural woman, with an incredible body, a fine mind, and a kind heart.

By mid-January they were fast friends, and he had come to rely on her. She was a person you could count on, and he did, often. She was hard on him at times, when she thought he was wrong about something, and she wasn't afraid to argue with him. But what surprised him most was that he liked that about her. She had her own opinions, and she voiced them with ease. Once in a while, she even shouted at him in Spanish, which amused him.

Once she called him “hijo de putana,” and he thanked her and said no one had ever said anything as beautiful to him, which incensed her.

“I called you the son of a whore, for chrissake.”

“Shit, Anna, I thought you were telling me you loved me.” It made her laugh, and the argument was over. Besides, as he reminded her frequently, he outranked her.

“That doesn't mean you can push me around,” she pointed out to him and he was philosophical about it.

“That's right, unfortunately. But I can have a hell of a lot of fun trying,” he said with a grin.

“You're hopeless.” She loved to fume at him just to let off steam, but it was also obvious how much she liked and respected him.

She was happy for him when his wife came to town. But it was a difficult weekend for Meredith and Steve. They were trying desperately to make their lives mesh with the little time they had with each other, and it seemed to be getting more challenging from week to week. Steve was in surgery all night before Meredith arrived, and when he met her he was irritable from lack of sleep. She had gone out of her way to make the weekend nice for him. She'd brought the sourdough bread he loved, fresh crab, and two bottles of an excellent California wine. But he was too tired to eat or drink, and after they argued over petty irritations over lunch, he wound up sleeping all afternoon. Meredith hung around the house waiting for him to get up, but it was nine o'clock that night when he finally did.

They chatted for a couple of hours, and things were better than they had been earlier in the day, but there was no denying that the atmosphere between them was different than it had once been. They felt like strangers with each other now at times, and they were increasingly aware that they lived in separate worlds. It was no longer as easy falling into step with each other, and they seemed constantly out of sync.

By the time Meredith flew back to California on Sunday night, they were both depressed, and the treats she'd brought him from San Francisco were still untouched in the fridge. And an hour after Meredith left, Anna called and invited Steve to dinner at her place. On an impulse, he brought the bread and wine and fresh crab with him.

Her apartment was a tiny hole in the wall, with barely enough heat, a cracked window the landlord had refused to repair, and an army of cockroaches scurrying everywhere, just above 102nd Street, but it was the best she could do for herself and her daughter. It shocked him to realize that this was how she lived. Particularly knowing that the father of her child had a trust fund.

“It's no big deal,” she said to him, but it was, and they both knew it. But something about her dignity and pride and stubbornness touched him deeply. And the little girl was adorable and was a blond version of her mother. She looked just like her and when she didn't like something her mother said, she stamped her foot and told Anna she was naughty.

“She's got your personality. You're going to have your hands full in a few years.”

“I know,” Anna smiled proudly. “Her father was a real wuss, but cute though,” she said and Steve laughed at the description. But something about him must have appealed to Anna, his looks or his brains, or his distinguished origins. Knowing Anna, it was unlikely that it was his money. She didn't seem to care about that much. Steve would have liked to invite them to his place for dinner, but he was embarrassed by the extravagance of his apartment. It was easier for him to come here. Anna was embarrassed by the crab and the wine he'd brought, but enjoyed them anyway, and they talked late that night about the stresses of living three thousand miles from his wife. Anna was sympathetic, and sorry for him. And when he went home that night, Steve realized he'd had a lot to drink, but in spite of that, they had both behaved. He and Anna were just good friends.

He missed Meredith when he went to bed, and wanted to call and tell her he was sorry the weekend hadn't been better than it was, but he realized, as he glanced at his watch, that she was still on the plane. He thought about leaving a message on her machine, but he was tired and a little drunk, and went to sleep instead.

He saw Anna and Felicia again for dinner later that week, after they had worked together all day. He took them to a deli near her place for sandwiches and ice cream. Felicia had a great time with both of them, and afterward he walked them home and read the newspaper while Anna put Felicia to bed. It was easy and relaxing just being with them.

“You're a good guy, you know,” she said, when she walked back into the living room and sat on her broken couch next to him. “Your wife is a fool to leave you on the loose here.” They were both tired, but comfortable in the tiny living room. It had been a nice evening after a long, hard day.

“She doesn't have any choice for the moment,” he said honestly, “as long as I can't find a job in California. We have no choice, Anna,” he said, looking glum, thinking about it again.

“There's got to be something for you out there, Steve,” she said sympathetically, as he tried not to stare at the way she looked in a T-shirt and leggings. It was beside the point. The friendship they shared was important to both of them.

“That's what I keep telling myself, too, that there's got to be a job in San Francisco for me, but so far nothing.” He had called all the hospitals in San Francisco to tell them he was available. “I'm almost getting used to it.” But his words didn't convince either of them and it didn't help that the next week Meredith was off to Hawaii for her retreat, so it would be another two weeks before he could see her again.

“Doesn't that bother you?” Anna asked thoughtfully about Hawaii. “Do you worry about her getting involved with the guy she works for?” She asked him questions sometimes that probed too deep and made him uncomfortable, but forced him to think. And he always answered her honestly, no matter how much it hurt.