“I don’t know, man.”

Vic jumped in. “Walsh, she wants you. She’s a good girl. You have nothing to lose. Stop being such a closed-off prick and give her a chance.”

I was going to respond, but Annie walked out of the house, carrying a beer and some food.

She smiled and I couldn't help but think that even though I didn't fit in her life, she sure seemed at home in mine.

19.

After a few hours at the party, we said our goodbyes. As we drove in my beat up black truck from Chula Vista through Imperial Beach on our way to Coronado, I couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling that I shouldn’t push her away. I’d been alone for so long, I didn’t even know what my life would be like with a girlfriend. Even if she didn’t cheat, what’s the point when you can barely be together?

The view of the Silver Strand beach was on our left and Annie just stared out the window.

“You okay?”

She blinked back tears. “Yup.”

I touched her thighs, sliding my hand in between them. Not to start anything, just to touch her. It would take me a lifetime to comprehend what she’d been through.

“Tell me.”

“It’s nothing.”

“I want to know.”

Her hands shook. “I was having fun at the party, just being normal. Everyone was so nice to me. But I kept thinking that they were all looking at me. No one brought up that I’ve been on the cover of every magazine, flashed across all the news networks. And if you haven’t told any of the guys that you, Vic, and Kyle were the ones who rescued me, wouldn’t everyone wonder what you were doing with a hooker?”

I had no idea she’d felt that everyone was judging her. “First, you aren’t a hooker.  Any of them who recognized you were probably in awe of your strength. And all the other Team guys were just jealous that I had the hottest girl there.”

“Thanks, Pat. You’re full of shit but I appreciate your effort.”

We pulled in to the Naval Amphibious base and I decided to give her a quick tour. When I showed her the obstacle course, her eyes got wide. “I want to try it.”

“Who are you G.I. Jane?”

“I could do it. I don’t quit.”

Totally off limits to chicks. I stared at the course. Some of my toughest memories were climbing a rope, carrying logs over my head, maneuvering under barbed wire, scaling walls. I didn’t think women should ever be allowed to train as SEALs. Hell, I didn’t even think they should be in the military. Call me a misogynist asshole, but why can’t men just be men? Like we couldn’t even have porn anymore because we couldn’t risk offending women. Fuck that. It would be fine if they wanted to just do admin shit or be nurses, but they wanted to shoot guns, be on the front lines. They wanted to be so equal they might as well be issued dicks. But the thought of seeing Annie, dirty and sweating, writhing on the ground, begging me for mercy, made me willing to make an exception.

“Maybe someday I’ll let you try. If you’re a good girl.” I smacked her tight little ass, imagined taking her from behind. I wanted to dominate her, make her scream my name. But after what she had been through, I was also worried about scaring her.

We found a secluded spot on the beach. Most of the tourists had deserted by then and we were blessedly alone, shrouded by the trees and warmed by the remnants of the sun. As the sun began to set I threw the blanket down, pulled Annie on it, and wrapped her in my arms. Whatever this was, she felt right there, like she belonged. Her hair smelled like vanilla, and it drove me wild remembering the night that I had her wrapped around me.

“You know, I never was a beach bunny. Chris surfed, and my girlfriends spent all their time down here sunbathing, but it was never my thing. Once I was taken, though, every time I had a chance to look outside, I would try to see the ocean. It meant freedom to me. A way off the island.”

“I actually hate the ocean. You’d think as SEALs, most of us would love it. But after going through Hell Week, spending all that time training wet and sandy, the last thing we want to do is spend our free time near the beach.”

She squeezed my knee and smiled slowly. “I’d love to see you wet and sandy.”

Grrr. I wanted to make her wet, but not from the ocean. From my mouth, from my hands, from my cock.

I reached into my pocket and took out a small box. I shoved it in her hands. “Here. I got this for you, to replace the shitty one I bought you in Curaçao.”

She opened the box and pulled out a tiny necklace. It was also gold, but this time it was a small trident. Our symbol. My code.

“I love it! Thank you, Pat.” She turned her back to me and I unhooked the fake necklace I’d given her.

“Wait. Stop. I want to wear that one also.”

“Why? It’s fake. Cost me fifty cents.”

She clutched the old necklace to her chest and the sight caused me to feel oddly protective. “But it’s worth fifty thousand dollars to me. It gave me hope. Hope that you would return and save me.”

I hooked it back on and just placed the other one around her neck. “I’ve never met anyone like you. You never gave up hope.”

“I told you. I believed you were sent to me.”

I took her hand. “I leave again in three weeks. For three weeks. After that, I’m not sure how long I’ll be back here until our next mission.”

“I don’t care, Pat. I waited for five years for someone to save me. I’d wait for you for another five years to come back home to me. I’d never cheat on you—”

“Wait, hold on. What are you saying?” I didn’t want to hear this wrong. I didn’t want my fucked-up brain to hear something she wasn’t saying.

“I’m saying I can’t connect with anyone back home. My parents, my friends, Chris. It’s so crazy. Everyone expects me to be this pathetic, shattered girl. But I’m not. I’m a woman. I want to fall in love. I want to take control over my body. I want to feel pleasure. Those men took five years of my life and I won’t allow them to take a second more. Being kidnapped is something horrible that happened to me, but I refuse to make it define me. I hate to be a bitch, but I hear my friends whining about stupid stuff, like not having enough money for new clothes, or their boyfriends spending too much time with their friends. Who gives a fuck? I mean, I was raped every day for five years. I’m a heroin addict. I’ll always be an addict even though I’m clean.”

I shook my head, trying to process this. “I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t get what that has to do with waiting for me…”

“I’m trying to tell you that with you, I don’t have to explain myself, apologize for what happened, lie about the past. You know what I’ve been through, and you’re still here. You don’t see me as a victim. You see my strength. I want to be the woman you think I am.”

Now that I understood.

"I don't want you to be anything other than what feels right to you, Annie. You're perfect just the way that you are and no one or nothing can change that, apparently not even the atrocities you've had to overcome."

She was angled in my lap with her legs thrown over mine, her head resting against my chest and in that moment I realized that I didn't want whatever it was between us to end. I wasn't ready to call it more than lust or an attraction born out of our circumstances. All I knew was that I wasn't ready to let her go.

"That means a lot to me. I haven't really been able to connect with my friends and my parents just act all awkward whenever I'm around. You're the only one that seems to treat me like a person."

The breeze coming off of the water surrounded us with the salty sea air, effectively surrounding us in a warm cocoon. With the lock of her gaze on mine the rest of the world seemed to fade away and it was just us, wrapped in each other. "Stay with me tonight."

She pulled out of my arms and her brows creased. "What?"

It had just slipped out, but the more that I thought about it, the more I was growing to like the idea. The time without her those first few weeks had been hell and the more I was around her, the more I wanted to throw caution to the wind.

"I'm serious." I pushed a lock of hair off of her forehead, tucked it behind her ear. "I know I said that I didn't want for us to take this any father than the embassy, but apparently nothing stops you, which I admire more than anything. I do enjoy spending time with you and although I can't promise anything more than the time I have in between assignments, I want you." I moved my lips just a hairsbreadth from hers and I could feel her deep inhalation at my declaration. "Be with me, Annie."

She smiled and her delicate hand drew up to press against my cheek in a soft caress. "I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. I don't know how or where this is going to go, but I haven't been able to stop thinking of you. You're the only one I feel comfortable with."

I relinquished what small hold I had on my control and pressed my lips to hers. I poured every ounce of pent up lust and frustration into the kiss. My hand on her waist crushed her to me, the other tilting her head to the side to take the kiss deeper. I was thankful for the seclusion because it had been over a year since the last time I'd had sex and I didn't think I could wait any longer. Especially when she shifted in my lap and straddled my legs to press herself directly on top of my cock.

Her hand shifted into my hair to hold me against her and the kiss turned feral and more demanding. She whimpered and the sound reverberated in my mind, echoes of the cries she made the first time I made her come. Her hips retraced the memory, riding slowly up and down the length of me with careful precision, only breaking rhythm to torture us both.