Jill Shalvis - Instant Attraction

“You know. How you feel about him.”

“I don’t know how I feel-” But she did. She so did. “You don’t understand,” she whispered, her throat thick. “I’ve hammered him and hammered him to open up, to share, and then when it came right down to it, when he asked me for the same, I backed off.”

“Well, welcome to the Wilder House, where we all screw up, and often. Luckily, we’re hardheaded but pretty forgiving. You’ll figure it out, and so will he.” Standing up, he gave her a shoulder squeeze, then took the file he needed and left her alone.

She leaned back against her desk. She’d figure it out? When? And how? She was leaving in less than a week.

Being at Wilder had truly been one of the most amazing experiences of her life, and she knew for many reasons, on so many levels, she’d never forget it. Never forget him-

The entire lodge suddenly shook with a loud, thundering boom. In blind panic, she whirled, and plowed right into Cam’s hard chest.

“Hey.” He pulled her in close. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s just Nick closing one of the steel doors on the Dumpster outside.”

She lifted her head. Her ears were ringing. “What?”

“I know, it’s loud as hell, but it’s not gunshots if that’s what you were thinking.”

“No, I-” She’d been thinking of the shuddering boom sound the bridge had made right before it’d collapsed, but she swallowed hard and fought for composure, which meant relaxing the fingers that had fisted tight in his shirt. “Just caught me off guard that’s all!”

“It’s more than that.” He backed up. “You want to be mad at me for earlier, for what I said, fine, but at least admit it. You dwell on the past as much as I have.”

“I have nothing to admit,” she said coolly, her heart still hammering. “And less than nothing to be dwelling over. I didn’t lose a career. A life. A loved one. In fact, I’ve lost nothing, so I feel obligated to do the opposite of dwell.” All in the name of those who hadn’t lived.

“Katie.” His hands were on her arms, still steadying her, when Stone poked his head out of the office. He took one look at her and frowned in concern.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

“She’s lying,” Cam said.

“You be quiet.” She moved past him to the filing cabinet. He’d showered and smelled like heaven, of course. He’d also changed into a pair of threadbare jeans that were so loose they’d sunk low on his hips, and a long-sleeved Henley that smelled so good she wanted to bury her nose in it again.

Or maybe that was the man himself.

Stone had said she had feelings for him, and Stone had been right. She loved him. She loved him and had no idea what to do with that.

Annie came up the stairs and as she did every day, tossed the day’s mail onto Katie’s desk. She wasn’t smiling and was back in her baggy clothes. Her apron said: EAT ME. “Don’t start,” she said, then turned to Cam and Stone. The three of them stared at each other awkwardly.

“Stone told you,” Annie said to Cam.

“I’m trying to forget it if that helps.”

“Stone told Cam what?” Katie asked.

“Nothing,” Annie said.

They all stared at each other some more.

“Okay, seriously,” Katie said. “What’s going on?”

The silence got even heavier. “Okay, here’s an idea. Maybe each of us should just spit out our problem and move on.”

“We already talk plenty.” Annie sent the guys a scathing look. “We see plenty. I’m going on record as not needing to be seen again.”

“Why don’t you go first?” Cam said to Katie, arching a brow.

“Fine. I was stupid enough to get drunk last night, okay? I needed a ride home, and then I puked. I puked in front of Cam, which means now I can’t even look him directly in the eyes. There.” She let out a breath and tossed up her hands. “I feel so much better. Now who’s next?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Cam said quietly.

“Hey, I get brownie points for going first. One thing at a time. Who’s next?”

They all just looked at her. Not a single one of them was free with their feelings, and who was she to judge? At least they loved each other, through thick and thin, to hell and back. Sure, their love was in the form of yelling and shoving and bullying, but it was there, it was real, and she…and she wanted to be a part of it. Damn. Damn, that was really unexpected. “Anyone?”

Cam kept his mouth firmly shut.

So did Stone.

Annie crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, my husband is an idiot. There. You’re right. I do feel better.”

“You’re giving him a complex,” Stone told her. “And now he’s trying too hard.”

“He’s trying too hard? Are you kidding me? I’m the one trying too hard!”

“All you do is yell at him.” Cam put his hands up when she whirled on him. “Hey, I’m just saying that you could try something else.”

“Really? Should I try something else, Cam? Like maybe try to seduce him, only first ruin his painting, and then strip naked in front of Stone?”

“Well, Jesus Christ, Annie.” Stone was already cringing. “You’re supposed to scope out the room first. I was standing right there.” He rubbed his eyes, like the sight of her was still burned on them and he needed to get rid of it.

“Well, there won’t be any need to scope out anything,” Annie informed him. “Because he doesn’t get a third shot at me. No way, no how.”

And with that, she stormed off.

Stone looked at Katie. “Yeah, now see, that’s why we don’t do much talking.”

“No, that was good. She’ll feel better for having vented.”

“Maybe some of us should try that,” Cam said, and sent her a long look.

She pretended not to look at him.

“We’ll all be eating our boots for dinner,” Stone said a little glumly.

“Or,” Katie said. “One of you could just go to Nick and have him reverse the damage. Tell him how badly Annie wants to reconnect, that she’s trying to get him back, and if he could just meet her halfway, that would be great.”

“She broke his heart,” Cam said.

“So you think he has no interest in getting back together with her? Are you kidding me? It’s all over his face how much he loves her.”

Cam was already shaking his head. “It’s not that easy, Katie. It’s never that easy.”

“Maybe when it comes to matters of the heart, it is that easy. You just follow its lead.”

“Down Fuck-You-Up Road maybe.”

“Pretty damn cynical.”

“Hello, Ms. Pot, meet Mr. Kettle.”

Stone headed toward the stairs. “Tell you what. You two keep snapping at each other. I’m sure that will fix everything.”

Cam sighed and headed toward the stairs as well.

“Cam.”

He turned back. “I’m not sorry about what I said to you,” he said.

“I know you’re not. And I’m not sorry about what we’ve had.”

“Okay, that makes two of us.” He was looking at her with frustration and heat and affection and temper. “So where does that leave us?”

She held her breath. “With a few nights left that we could spend together?”

“Not talking,” he guessed.

“Not talking. Will you come?”

He blew out a breath as that heat in his gaze flamed to life. “Yeah, I’ll come. And so will you.”

Later that day, Cam walked into Stone’s office and found his brother sprawled back in his chair, booted feet up on his desk, hands folded over his belly as he spoke to the speaker phone. “And Cam just walked in, so you can tell him yourself, Teej.”

“I’m held up by a bitch of a storm in Seattle,” T.J. said, his voice tinny and faraway sounding. “But I should still be there by tomorrow.”

“Just in time.” Cam headed for Stone’s computer. “Annie might kill Stone.” He opened the browser thinking as he typed “Santa Monica bridge collapse” into Google that he should have done this weeks ago.

Nick opened the door. “Holy crap, it’s icy today. What’s going on?”

Stone set his feet down. “What are you talking about? There’s no ice out there.”

“I meant Annie. She’s icy.”

“Yeah, that’s because you’re a little slow on the uptake.”

“Huh?”

“Your wife’s trying to patch things up, and you’re not paying attention,” Stone told him.

“I’m paying attention all right. She’s trying to drive me crazy. Giving out signals one minute and yelling the next.”

Through the speaker, T.J. said, “That’s what women do. Deal with it.”

“Says the guy who slept his way through every woman in town,” Stone interjected. “Several times.”

“Hey, not every woman.”

“No? Name one.”

“Harley.”

“Yes, because she was the only woman who ever turned you down, remember?”

T.J. sighed heartily. “I remember.”

Cam’s gaze was glued to the news reports and pictures of the bridge collapse. Horrifying, devastating pictures of cars smashed into sheets of steel. The fiery fire of the brush on either side of the collapsed bridge. People lined up on the streets trying to find out about their loved ones.

Thirty dead.

One survivor.

Katie.

Jesus. Cam rubbed a hand over his mouth and thought so much about her made more sense every day. Her needing out of Los Angeles. Heading north to snow country, where everything would be new and different, where nothing could remind her of what she’d faced.

But things had reminded her, that couldn’t be helped. And whereas he’d slowly come to accept that, she’d not gotten there yet. Ironic, since all along he’d thought she was the one of the two of them to have their shit together.

If anyone had asked him even a minute ago who’d gotten more out of this past month of knowing each other, him or Katie, he’d have laid down his very last dollar that it had been him.

And yet now he could see, that maybe, just maybe, he’d given her something too. That he had more to give still. Lots more. He turned to face Stone and Nick. “I slept with Katie.”