Helena Hunting - Inked Armour

“I’ll put it away—”

“I’ve got it.”

He grabbed the pen and put it back in the drawer, slamming it shut. I pocketed my phone and stayed put. Waiting. His hands went to his hips as his eyes traveled the room in search of misplaced items. The tension in his shoulders didn’t ease in the slightest.

“Where’s your glass?”

“I got distracted by TK.”

It was a partial truth. If I told him I put it in the dishwasher, he would check and know I was lying. He zoned in on TK, nuzzling my chin. His paranoia was painful to witness. Cassie was right.

“Why don’t you get dressed and I’ll make you something to eat,” I said gently, hoping if I did something nice I could smooth the transition to a conversation I didn’t want to have.

“I’m not hungry.”

“But you haven’t eaten today.”

“Because I’m not hungry,” he snapped.

His volume startled TK. She launched out of my lap and bolted down the hall, likely seeking refuge under the bed. I wished I could join her.

“Well, I am.” I gave him a wide berth when I passed him on my way to the fridge.

I collected the items necessary to make a sandwich and dumped them on the counter. My method of sandwich assembly was likely going to give him an aneurysm, but I needed to stay occupied while I figured out how to approach the topic. His hand went back to his hair as he watched me. I was glad it was too short to rip out at the roots.

I took four slices of bread out of the bag. Even if he wasn’t planning to eat, I was going to make him something.

“You should let me do that.” Hayden moved in, prepared to take over.

“I can manage.”

“It’s my kitchen.”

I bit back a comment about going back to my place to make food. He would freak out over the possibility of my being more than ten feet away from him.

“I think I can handle making a sandwich.”

“But you’ll make a mess.”

“Which I’ll clean up.”

He snorted with derision.

I slapped the Black Forest ham down on the cutting board and turned to face him. “Hayden, I love you, and I know you’re particular, but this is too much. Do you even realize what you’re doing?”

“It’s not my fault you can’t remember where to put things when you’re done with them.”

“Excuse me?”

“We both know you’re not very tidy.” He made it sound like a felony.

My cool slipped a little. “For Christ sake, Hayden, compared to you, Martha Stewart is a slob! I can deal with your compulsive organization. Most of the time I like that about you. But I can’t even make a sandwich without you crawling up my ass now!”

He blinked, taken aback that I’d raised my voice. “I’m not that bad.”

I clenched my fists to keep my hands from flailing. “You’ve been two steps behind me fixing my so-called mistakes for the last few days. It’s giving me a complex.”

His rigid stance deflated. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the counter, eyes on the floor. He bit down on the spot where the viper bites used to be.

“I can’t keep waiting for the bomb to drop, Hayden. You’re on edge all the time,” I said softly.

When he stalked across the kitchen, I put my hands up to fend him off. He walked right into my palms. He brushed my hair over my shoulders, fingers skimming my collarbone. “I don’t want to be up your ass like this. I’m sorry for being a dick.”

“You’re under a lot of stress.”

“I’d like to apologize.”

“Apology accepted. This week has been hard on you.” I wasn’t sure if I should trust his sudden shift in mood.

“I could do a better job, though.” His hand came around my backside. He pulled my phone out of my pocket and dropped it on the counter so he could grab my ass and squeezed.

Gone was the dissonant hostility, replaced with something altogether needy. Apparently, Hayden responded better to frustration than coddling.

“Sex isn’t going to make this go away,” I said.

“But it will make me feel better.”

I grabbed his forearms. His fingers were perilously close to places they shouldn’t be if I was to have any hope of finishing this conversation. “We need to talk first.”

“We can talk after.” His hands went down the back of my jeans.

“You’re evading.”

“I know. And you’re going to let me.” His lips parted against my neck, his tongue swept out, and his teeth followed. I closed my eyes and reveled in the sensation for a fleeting moment.

“You need to talk to someone,” I said, amazed my voice stayed steady considering his wandering hands and mouth.

“I’ll talk to you, after I’m done using my tongue for other things.”

“I mean a professional.”

He retracted his hands. His lips left my skin. I’d definitely gotten his attention.

“I can handle my own shit,” he bit out.

“Hayden, I love you more than anything, and I know this is bringing up a lot of things you’d rather not deal with—but I feel like a target, not an anchor. You’re not acting like yourself, and it’s frightening me.” Pretending everything was fine wasn’t an option anymore. “I can’t stay here if things don’t change.”

“You can’t— What do you mean?”

“I can’t walk on eggshells all the time.”

His eyes flared with panic. “So you’d fucking leave me?”

“No, Hayden—I won’t leave you. But I can’t stay here when you’re like this. It’s not good for either of us.”

“You’d go back to your apartment?”

“If this continues, I’ll have to.” My chest ached at the possibility, but I needed him to see what this was doing to us.

With more lip biting he mulled it over. “I don’t want to screw up this relationship. Not when I’ve just gotten you back.”

“So you’ll talk to someone?” I smoothed my hands over his shoulders.

“What if I don’t like it?”

If he agreed, he was going to sit down with a perfect stranger and talk about his past and his perceived shortcomings. He was not going to like it. But if I could get him to go once, I wasn’t above bribing him for subsequent visits.

“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to go back.” I didn’t say anything about finding a potential alternative. I’d worry about that later, if I needed to.

He sighed. “Fine.”

“You’ll go?”

“Yeah. I’m only committing to one session. We’ll see what happens after that.”

“That’s all I’m asking for. I’ll call Nate to confirm the appointment.”

“Wait. What?” His expression hardened.

The room suddenly felt small, and he was way too close. “Nate scheduled a tentative appointment. He said he had someone he thought you might like.”

“You talked to Nate about this?”

“I talked to Cassie. She talked to Nate. He suggested it and I agreed—for the reason we’ve just talked about.”

I was fully prepared for him to lose it on me, and for a moment I worried that was exactly what would happen. He glared at me, teeth grinding as his nostrils flared. I could sense his panic. I was sure he was mentally searching for a way to get out of this. The idea of confronting his past terrified him for obvious reasons.

“Please, Hayden. I love you. I want to stay, but it can’t be like this.” I put my hand on his chest.

He looked down to where my palm rested over his heart. He was silent for a minute. I started to drop my hand, but his came up to cover mine. “What time’s the appointment?”

“Four this afternoon.”

He was silent again. His fingers wrapped around mine and squeezed. Then, finally: “Okay. I’ll go.”

Therapy sucked. It was like being under a microscope for an hour. I told the therapist I wasn’t coming back. She scheduled another appointment four days from now anyway. Then she said how fortunate I was to have so many people in my life that cared about me. I grudgingly pocketed the appointment card. I could call and cancel later.

I left the quaint, little house situated among kitschy shops and crossed over to the café where Tenley was having tea with Cassie. They were sitting at a table in the back corner. Neither one noticed when I walked in, too absorbed in their conversation. In front of Tenley was a half-eaten piece of cake and a pile of torn-up napkins.

A girl dressed in a pale pink shirt and black pants stepped in front of me. She was way too close. I was used to people giving me a lot more personal space.

“Hi! Table for one?” She stared up at me with a strange look on her face. “Wow. You have the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen! They’re, like, superblue.”

“Uh . . . thanks? I’m meeting my aunt—”

“That’s so sweet!”

“—and my girlfriend. They’re already here.” I gestured to where they were sitting.

“Oh.” Her smile fell but she didn’t stop staring. It was fucking odd.

I maneuvered around her and headed for Tenley and Cassie. Cassie stood up as soon as she saw me. I couldn’t figure out why she looked so stunned, until I remembered no one but Tenley and the police had seen me since I’d taken out the facial piercings. She gave me a warm hug and whispered “Thank you” in my ear. I wasn’t sure what she was thanking me for, but I returned the embrace.

I nabbed a chair from an empty table and pulled it up next to Tenley’s. She looked anxious as hell. I hoped she’d ordered a decaf, or she was going to be a jittery mess for the rest of the day. Before she could ask me anything about the appointment, a waitress bounced over and did the same weird staring thing. I ordered a black coffee and an extra fork so I could finish Tenley’s cake.

“Everything go okay?” Tenley’s hand fluttered close to my arm, but she didn’t make contact. Instead she clasped her hands in her lap and tried to keep them still.