I pressed my lips to her shoulder, and because I couldn’t help myself, I kept moving toward her neck. Tenley tilted her head to give me better access. Leaning against my chest, her hand came up and curled around my shoulder. I trailed kisses to the hollow under her ear.

“You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, that sultry voice making it hard to stop.

I stepped back so she didn’t feel the raging hard-on that threatened to make us later than we already were.

Tenley’s bottom lip jutted out in a pout. “Where are you going?”

“To get dressed.”

“Oh?” Her eyes moved down my bare chest and stopped below my waist. “Maybe you need some help with that.”

“I think I’ve got it covered.”

Tenley followed me into the closet anyway, and it took a lot longer to get dressed than I’d anticipated. Tenley’s version of being helpful included trying to persuade me to let her take care of the problem behind the fly of my pants. Eventually she gave up and picked a shirt and tie to go with my black dress pants.

She took her time as she buttoned the shirt, starting at the bottom and working her way up, covering the ink as she went. When she was done, she offered to tuck it in. I declined. She sighed, picked up the pin-up-girl tie, and slid it under the collar around my neck.

“You know how to tie a tie?”

She nodded and bit her lip in concentration as she began a double Windsor knot. “My dad taught me when I was twelve. I was better at it than he was. He used to have me preknot all his ties so he could slip them over his head rather than fiddle with them. Connor was just as bad—” She shook her head. “Sorry.”

His name was like an electric shock, she spoke of him so rarely. Her hands shook as she pulled the knot tight. Her palm smoothed down the front and I caught it, bringing it to my lips to kiss her knuckles.

“I know today is going to be hard for you. You can talk about him if you want to. It won’t upset me.” He couldn’t come back and take her away. But his memory could incite guilt, eating away at her and making it difficult for her to be open with me.

Her eyes remained on her feet. “I can’t. I’ll cry.”

“That’s okay. I have tissues.”

I pulled her into my arms and she snuggled in tight. Her slender body shook as she fought against the tide of emotion threatening to sweep her away. It had been like that the last couple of days. I’d find her standing in front of the tree, fingering an ornament with tears streaming down her face. She always wiped them away and brushed it off, but I knew what today would be like. So many years ago, I was in the same place.

When she pulled away, her focus stayed on the collar of my shirt. She adjusted the lapels and straightened my tie again, even though it didn’t need it. Her breathing was deep and even. When she finally looked up, her eyes were shiny with unshed tears and her smile was weak. She’d crack at some point today. It was inevitable.

“You look so”—she cocked her head to the side—“normal.”

“Is that bad?”

“Not at all. I like you dressed up. It’s sexy.” Her fingers skimmed the rings in my bottom lip and trailed down my throat, tracing the perimeter of the collar. “I know what’s under there. I know what you’re hiding, when other people don’t.” She stretched up on her tiptoes to kiss the corner of my mouth.

I totally understood. I loved that Tenley had my art on her back and it wasn’t on display for just anyone. It would rarely be seen in all of its intricate glory, and most of the time, only the top of the wings would show even in a strapless dress. Tenley’s delicate, little nose ring was the only visible sign of her inner self, but I knew better. And I liked that.

I turned my head and deepened the kiss. My hands went to her waist, and I barely resisted the urge to go lower and squeeze her ass. Now wasn’t a good time to start in on that kind of thing; her emotions were already so high. I reluctantly backed off.

“I want to give you a present before we go,” I said as a distraction, tucking a loose tendril of hair behind her ear.

That got a real smile out of her. “I have one I want to give you now, too.”

I followed her out to the living room. TK was rolling on the floor, batting around her catnip mouse. More gifts for her were coming tomorrow, such as the cupcake kitty bed. Tenley couldn’t get over how cute it was, or that I’d bought the damn thing. There had been a lot of laughter over that.

Some of the presents were packed in a tote box to take to Cassie’s, but quite a few were still under the tree. I dug around in the back, where I’d hidden the gift bag. Tenley dragged a large box out from under the tree and sat on the couch, propping the box against the coffee table.

“You go first.” I handed her the bag with the white, springy ribbon.

Her eyes widened. “This is from Tiffany’s.”

I wasn’t surprised she knew where the bag was from just by looking at it. It seemed to be a girl thing. Tenley reached inside and withdrew the small blue box. Removing the lid, she took out the black box inside. She looked at me, then opened it, inhaling with a soft gasp. “Oh, Hayden.”

“Do you like it?” I asked, unable to read her reaction.

“This is really”—she hesitated—“extravagant.”

“Isn’t that what the holidays are supposed to be about? It reminded me of you, so I wanted you to have it.”

The tears she’d been holding back since she woke up this morning slipped free, which wasn’t quite the reaction I’d been going for.

“If you don’t like it, I can take it back and get you something else.”

“No, no. It’s beautiful. Too much, but beautiful.”

“You’re sure you like it?”

“Absolutely.” She swiped the tears away with the back of her hand. “I love it,” she whispered.

With gentle fingers, she lifted the chain and cradled the tiny cupcake in her palm.

“Can I put it on for you?” I took the chain from her and unclasped it. Tenley lifted her hair and I carefully fastened it around her neck. Then I pressed a kiss against her nape.

Paired with the pale pink dress and her long, dark hair, the tiny cupcake looked perfect. I adjusted it, mostly to feel the warmth of her skin. I just wanted to be close to her.

“I don’t deserve this.” She touched the charm and looked up at me through wet lashes. Grabbing hold of my tie, she tugged me forward, kissing me with lips that quivered. “I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s not true,” I whispered, hating how pained she sounded. Wishing I could make it better, knowing I couldn’t. Today was going to hurt for both of us.

18

TENLEY

I wanted so badly to let Hayden know how much I loved the necklace. Though Connor had given me plenty of jewelry, none of it reflected me as much as the charm hanging around my neck did. Which was exactly why I was falling apart.

The absence of my family made the holiday celebrations overwhelming. Add to that the ever-heightening awareness of my feelings for Hayden, and I was a ticking time bomb. The anxiety made it hard to think, so I just climbed into his lap and fused my mouth to his.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he ignored it, but when mine went off a few seconds later, he sighed and pulled away. “That’ll be Lisa calling to see if we’ve left yet.”

“What happens if I don’t answer it?”

“She’ll call until you do.”

He was right. My phone stopped ringing and Hayden’s started up again. He moved me over to the cushion beside his and dug around in his pocket.

“We’re leaving in five minutes,” he said by way of greeting.

I couldn’t hear Lisa’s response, but Hayden’s frown told me some admonishing might have been going on. I checked the time. We were supposed to be at Cassie’s already. Hayden was rarely late for anything; I’d been the one to procrastinate.

We had fallen into old habits over the past few days, isolating ourselves, blowing off offers to get together for drinks in lieu of spending time alone. Mostly in his bed. Not sleeping. The physical connection helped keep me out of my head.

“We’ll get there when we get there,” Hayden said a little more forcefully. “Yeah. . . . No. . . . Fine. I won’t forget the salad. . . . No, it’s not from a bag. I’m offended. See you in a bit.” He hung up the phone with an irritated sigh.

“We should probably get going, huh?” I felt bad that people were waiting on us.

“Cassie doesn’t serve dinner until five. We have plenty of time. Lisa just wants us to get there so she can start on the cocktails.”

“And she can’t do that until we arrive?”

“She can. She’s just being a pain in the ass.” He lifted the box propped against the coffee table into his lap. “I’m opening this before we go.”

Hayden was careful as he slid his finger under the taped edge. He managed to remove it without tearing the paper. I fidgeted impatiently as he lifted the lid from the box and removed the foam padding that buffered the edges. Then he turned over the canvas print.

“Holy mother of fuck.”

His eyes moved over the black-and-white image that started at my neck and ended at my hip. The body was angled slightly so the swell of my breast was visible, but the focus was my unfinished tattoo. Lisa would do another shoot in full color when it was completed.

“This is you.”

“Do you like it?” I asked, worried about his dark expression.

“I’m going to ask you something, and I don’t want you to get upset with me.” When I didn’t say anything, he continued. “Who took this?”

“Lisa took all of them.”