Eliza Jane - In Too Deep

“No.” He shakes his head.

I stand beside the table while he opens the door.

A beautiful blonde with long, lean legs and sky high heels stands pouting at his door. “You didn’t answer your phone.” Her voice is light, seductive.

Holy shit! This is Yes.

“Oh.” Her eyes dart past him to me. “I didn’t know you had company.” The tension on her face is visible. She doesn’t like the idea of Colt being with anyone else.

Colt, who seems stunned and unsure, recovers just slightly, motioning her to come inside. “This is Taylor, my girlfriend.” He says it so naturally. My heart swells with pride.

She sucks in a breath, her eyes moving over me with hatred.

“This is Samantha.” He walks back over to me, snaking his arm around my waist, which is good, because my legs feel shaky.

She’s gorgeous. This girl makes Bria look homely. Holy shit. This is not good. Not good at all. Samantha comes closer, her heels clicking across the wooden floor. She extends her hand to me, shaking mine once. She looks a few years older than Colt. Her face is impassive, confident and poised. She gives nothing away.

Meanwhile my cheeks flame red, remembering the loud groans and bed knocking against the wall that night. And then her seeing me crying in the hall. She doesn’t seem to recognize me though, thank God.

Colt clutches my hip, and I’m not sure if he’s trying to convince me, himself or Samantha that we’re together. Holy hell. Breathe Taylor. Seeing her in his room is more than I can handle.

“Why are you here?” Colt asks.

“I thought you’d be alone and might want some company.”

“I didn’t answer my phone. That should tell you I’m not available.”

The banter between them is thick with tension. I can feel their closeness, that they know each other well. And I really freaking hate it.

I slip out of Colt’s grasp, needing to make a break for the door. “I’ll let you guys talk.”

“No, Taylor. You don’t have to go.” Colt reaches for me again.

“It’s okay. You guys probably have some things to sort out, I’ll just be outside.”

He nods, almost reluctantly, like he doesn’t want me to leave him alone with this girl. I don’t want to leave him alone with her either, but I can’t watch them together.

I step out into the hall, leaning against the wall. I leave the door cracked open behind me. I’m not going to leave them completely alone and unsupervised in his room. I trust Colt, it’s her I don’t trust.

Samantha’s heels click across the floor. I don’t like knowing that she’s so comfortable in his bedroom. “So that’s who’s captured all your attention lately.”

“Yes,” he returns, polite as ever.

“She looks awfully young. Does she satisfy you, Colt?”

“That’s none of your damn business, Samantha. Why are you here?” His voice sounds tense.

“I don’t get what you see in her. Why does she get all your attention and I don’t anymore?”

Colt stays quiet and my heart thumps against my chest, waiting.

Samantha’s heels click across the floor again. “I was your go to girl. I know you. And I know you must miss it.”

“Miss what?”

“The sex,” her voice is teasing, playful.

Holy God. I can’t breathe. I hold my breath, waiting for Colt to answer. He must miss it.

“No,” Colt says, his voice firm.

Oh, thank God. Air surges into my lungs again. Samantha isn’t the meaningless fling Colt always assumed she was. She likes him. I can hear it in her voice. Her desperate pleas. She wants the side of him that I have captured.

“I outlasted all your other play things. You’ll get bored of this one too.”

“I am far from bored by her,” Colt says.

“Oh.” Samantha laughs. “I get it. You haven’t had her yet. Well once you get her out of your system, baby you know I’ll be there for you.”

My insides flame with jealousy. I want to storm in there. I want to cause her physical pain, but instead, I stand in the hall trembling.

“That’s enough. I think you should go now.”

Her heels click across the floor again. “Just remember how good we used to be, baby.”

“Goodbye, Samantha.”

I disappear down the hall, not wanting Samantha or Colt to see me cry. 

I should never have let Taylor leave while I talked to Samantha. Hell, I shouldn’t even let Samantha in my room, but I was so stunned when I saw her at the door, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I should have escorted her back to the front doors and told things were over between us.

I’d always suspected she wanted something more from me. She knew we weren’t exclusive, that I saw other girls, and she never seemed threatened by it before. Then again, I’d never had a girlfriend before. This was all new for me. But now Taylor’s disappeared and I’m terrified I’ve fucked this up already.

After searching the dorms, then the rec room, I realize I know where she is. I head for the fourth floor, and find her in front of her computer.

Her eyes dart up when she hears me come in. Deep blue eyes sear into mine, damp with tears that she quickly wipes away with the backs of her hands. Something in my chest tightens, filling me with longing and confusion.

I keep making her cry. I go to her, falling on my knees in front of her chair. “Baby I’m sorry.”

She stifles a sob, and laces her fingers in my hair. “S’okay.”

I rest my head across her knees, letting her play with my hair, knowing I don’t deserve it.

I lift my head, meeting her eyes. “No it’s not. I shouldn’t have let her into my room. And I didn’t want you to leave. You’re with me now. She means nothing to me. Everything’s over between her and I.” A single tear rolls down her cheek and I wipe it away. “Okay?” I ask, taking her hand.

She nods. But I can tell she’s still sad. I hurt her, and I hate that.

All this raw emotion is stirring up forgotten feelings inside me. Things I’d long ago stowed away. I knew not to let myself get attached. It was a lesson I taught myself after I watched my mom waste away and pass on, when my little brother broke and shattered, and my father, no longer wanting to look at the two boys who reminded him of his wife, threw himself into his business. It was so much easier not to feel, not to get attached…to anything or anyone.

I rest my head on Taylor’s knees, completely at her mercy. I know I don’t deserve her. I know I’m not worthy and won’t be able to give her what she needs, but I’m just selfish enough to try.

The next morning, I catch McAllister in the hall, a rolling suitcase in tow. He stops when he sees me, a guilty look flashing across his face, then he straightens his shoulders and turns to face me.

“I need to go away for a few days on business. I just sent you an email. You’re in charge of day-to-day decisions. If anything bigger comes up, call my cell.”

Without so much as a goodbye, he turns and continues down the hall, rolling his bag behind him. Watching his retreating back, bag in hand brings up an unwelcome memory. After my mom died, he began leaving on overnight business trips more and more, to the point where he was rarely ever home.

“You can’t just run away this time,” I call after him.

He stops stiffening and turns to face me once again. His eyes meet mine and I can see he’s trying to decide if he should just keep walking.

I press on before he has the chance to decide. “I know you think I was too young to remember, but I remember everything.”

His eyes dance nervously on mine, unsure of what I’ll say next. And frankly so am I. But I’m on a roll now. I take a step closer to him.

“After mom passed, you threw yourself into this place like never before. You were rarely home, you even started spending the night here, leaving me and Reis with Mrs. Lee just so you didn’t have to face us.”