Eliza Jane - In Too Deep

“No?” My stomach drops. I guess he wants to keep this as far from a real relationship as possible. That thought hurts.

“I do want to take you out, but not because it’s part of some agreement. So can we just leave that out of this? You just have to trust me.”

I nod eagerly, suddenly at a loss for words.

He leans in to kiss me again while my head swims with what we’ve just agreed to. 

It doesn’t matter how I feel about Taylor. Our days are numbered, because once she discovers McAllister is my father, she’ll split. And even though I know I should tell her, I’m not ready for this to end when things are just getting good between us.

Our compromise, as she calls it is working amazingly well. The last week has been incredible. She’s still on her mission to get to the bottom of McAllister’s motivation to crash the tanker, but she also lets me distract her with…playtime, as she calls it. We hang out at night in my room, where we cuddle, give each other massages, play games and take things slow.

Today we’re sitting in the common room, which is thankfully empty watching a movie. Taylor is wrapped in my arms, leaning against my chest. I haven’t been paying attention to the movie for the last fifteen minutes. Instead I’m enjoying just holding her. Something I never thought I’d feel. But then again, she does provoke all kinds of new feelings inside of me.

I notice things about her that I guess I’ve never taken the time to notice with other girls. Like the way her shampoo smells, her contoured ankle bones, her cute earlobes, and the collar bone framing her chest. I run my hand up the back of her neck, into her hair. “You’re so soft,” I whisper, kneading her neck.

She grins at my distraction from the movie. “You’re not watching this at all, are you?”

“Nope.” I kiss the side of her neck. “You’re too distracting.”

She laughs. “I don’t see how, I’m just sitting here.”

“Just trust me.”

“I do,” she says meeting my eyes.

Those blue eyes stir something inside of me. She shouldn’t trust me. I push the thought away, and lean in to kiss her.

Taylor turns off the movie and a few minutes later, she’s straddling me on the couch, kissing me hungrily, making those soft groans and gasps I love.

I can feel her heart beating against my chest, its steady thrumming insistent and certain. I love how alive I feel with her. Her softness, and the fact that this is all still new for her makes me want to be careful with her, to take my time, which is something I’ve never felt before.

She kisses me deeply, and works her hands under my shirt, running them along my chest. Okay, forget taking my time. I pull her closer into my lap, my jeans straining between us.

The door flies open and Taylor leaps off my lap, straightening her shirt.

I turn back to glare at whoever the hell just interrupted us.

It’s MJ, grinning like a damn fool. “Well it’s about fucking time,” MJ says, chuckling to herself.

I shoot MJ a look, imploring her to leave. She exits the room with a huge grin on her face. Taylor blushes, smoothing down her hair, and pulls away from me on the couch.

Playtime is over. Damn.

“Don’t go. MJ saw us, so what?” I kiss her hand.

She smiles lightly. “I have homework I should be doing anyways.” She squeezes my hand. “Later?”

“Later,” I confirm. 

Later finally arrives, and I’m back in Colt’s room. My nightly solace from the horrifying truth of my last assignment.

I’m still racked with guilt over the oil spill, the baby seals I see on TV covered in the sticky soot, the huge ship resting unnaturally on its side against the reef, and the millions of gallons of black oil lapping at the once pristine shoreline.

But with each day that’s passed since the disaster, my fear that I’ll be discovered and removed from class in handcuffs has subsided.  And Colt has been the best distraction I could have hoped for. I wish he could see our compromise for what it is, but I know I can’t rush him. And regardless of whatever label we’ve placed on our non-relationship, I am incredibly grateful for him. I wouldn’t be coping nearly as well if it weren’t for Colt.

But I am far from okay with how things are. I still want Colt’s realization at what we have, and of course I still want revenge on McAllister too.

I take a deep breath, willing myself to be brave. “Colt?”

“Hm?” He’s absently massaging my hand, tracing the lifeline over and over with his fingertip.

“I want to talk about our compromise.”

He straightens and looks at me.

“What about it? You don’t like how things are going?”

I shake my head. “It’s not that.” It’s the opposite in fact.

He smiles, relaxing into me once again. “Then what is it, baby?”

His nickname for me always makes me smile. “It’s just that, I am enjoying it…but I think I could enjoy it more if I knew where we stood. What we… are.”

Crap. I totally sound like the high school girl that I am. But it’s too late. Colt’s brow creases with understanding. “I’m listening…what did you have in mind?”

I look at him, my eyes sparking with hope. “So I’ve been thinking lately…” I take my time, not wanting to rush this.

His eyes are bright and beautiful and he’s watching me again.

“What we have, what we’re doing…what’s the difference between this and a real relationship?”