Eliza Jane - In Too Deep

A lazy smile crosses her lips, and I’m back to kissing her. I move to her neck again just so I can hear those sounds she makes. I press my tongue to throat and feel the way her pulse jumps.  My hands move on their own and I grasp her hips, settling her even closer into my lap. Now she’s completely straddling me. Her breath comes in quick gasps and she balls my shirt in her hands. “This. Off,” she mumbles while I continue to lick and kiss her neck.

I pull back and oblige, yanking my shirt off over my head.

She brings both her hands to my bare chest and runs them over my skin, then down my stomach. I shiver under her touch and see her mouth lift in a smile.

I quickly roll us over on the bed so she’s underneath me and hitch her leg up around my waist. I push against her and she groans, deep, throaty, full of need. Her hands are on my chest again, but this time, rather than urging me closer, she’s pushing me away.

“Colt, stop.” She pushes against my chest.

I lift myself up off of her wondering what’s wrong.

Her breathing is heavy, nearly a pant and her lips are swollen and pink from kissing. “I just need a minute,” she says, still breathless.

We both roll onto our sides, facing each other, breathing heavily, the intensity still burning between us. Despite her plea, I can’t help but touch her. I grip her waist, pulling her in closer. “What is it?”

“This isn’t going to work for me.” She motions between us. “Knowing you can’t…that you don’t want a relationship…this can’t go any further.”

Crap. I let out a deep exhale, and sit up on the bed. I look down at her, still lying against my pillow. She looks tiny and confused, and so pretty and the words still come rushing out of me. “I’m sorry, Taylor, but I can’t open myself up for that. I’m not looking for a relationship.”

She sits up, matching my position. “And I’m not looking for a booty call. I can’t give myself to someone again and be crushed when they leave.”

“Me neither.” I study her. And who said I wanted her for a booty call? Does she have that little faith in me? I’ve just made her dinner and yet she still assumes the worst of me.

Realization crosses her face, and knows I’m talking about my mom. In a strange way, we both have the same fear – losing someone we love.

She wraps her arms around her knees, hugging herself. “Well then I guess we’re at a stalemate.”

I let out a frustrated growl. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” 

Colt is shirtless sitting on his bed looking like a sex-god, but his expression is troubled. I know he’s waiting for me to say something…but when I said I needed a minute… I really meant it.

I know I’m being unfair. How can I compare my fears over what happened with Wes to his fears. He has truly lost love – his mother’s love, his father’s love according to him – his family. Love and loss pulled them apart. It was too painful to go on living like a family after they lost her. Of course he’s broken. How can I ask him to just get over something like that?

              The heart break of losing Wes lasted what…a few months? Colt lost his family – that isn’t something you get over – ever. Can I accept him…and all his issues? Can I be with him on his terms?

No. I can’t. I need more than just the physical stuff to be happy. But maybe after some negotiating…

“I could never be one of your...one nighters, Colt. I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

He laughs. The bastard actually laughs! “I know that Taylor. That’s not what I want either.”

“What do you want?” I ask in a small voice.

He pulls me closer, so we’re lying together again, my head resting against his chest. “I like hanging out with you. And I want to be able to kiss you and touch you too.”

I swallow roughly as his hand glides up the side of my neck and into my hair. “Colt, that sounds like a girlfriend.”

He shakes his head. “No…I’m not good with… the girlfriend thing. I told you that.”

“Only because you won’t let yourself be.” I prop myself up on one elbow and look down at him.

He looks deep in thought while he considers my words. “Maybe we could try something…” A mischievous smile crosses his lips and I doubt I’ll have the willpower to say no twice tonight. He runs his hand up my thigh and my breath hitches.

I blush ferociously.

“I know how much I affect you. I can see it in your eyes, the way your body responds to me.” He brings his hand up so it’s resting on my belly. I suck in another breath at the intimacy of it. “And when I touch you…I love the noises you make.”

I inhale at his choice of words. Damn, my body is totally giving me away. I blush and look down.

“Don’t.” He lifts my chin. “You do the same to me.” He places my hand over his racing heart. I look up and meet his eyes. They are soft with desire. He removes my hand from his heart and laces his fingers with mine. “You have to know the effect you have on me. I thought it was obvious.”

I take a deep breath to clear my head. “Colt, you’re probably effected like this by any girl that walks into the room.”

“Not like this.” He shakes his head slowly as if he’s in disbelief. “You do this to me, Taylor. Just you.” His voice is soft and it washes over me. “With you, it’s different. I can’t explain how, it just is. I never know what to expect with you.”

My heart squeezes tightly in my chest. “Maybe we could try some sort of compromise then?” I offer. That is so the hormones talking.

“Compromise?” He tips his head.

I imagine it’s hard for him to concentrate with all the blood rushing to a certain part of his body. I let a giggle escape.

“Tell me what you mean,” he coaxes.

“Well, some of what I want…and some of what you want.”

He smiles.

I continue, “For instance, hanging out…that’s suitable to me.”

“Me too.” He brushes the hair off my neck, and trails his fingers over my throat, grazing my collarbone, down to the edge of my shirt.

My hormones riot, silently begging his hand to continue south.

“Me touching you?” he asks, huskily.

“Yes,” I whisper. “That’s suitable.”

He grins and kisses my jaw. “Good girl.”

I suck in a deep breath, desperately trying to keep a level head. “But no sex.”

His lips freeze momentarily on my neck. Then he recovers and places another kiss, near my ear this time. “Okay.”

“And no sex with anyone else either.”

He stops his assault on my neck and meets my eyes. “No sex at all then?”

I nod smugly, feeling clever.

His jaw drops.

Crap. Maybe I’ve gone too far. I look down, staring at my hands.

He lifts my chin and kisses me swiftly. “You either then.”

Now I’m the one with my mouth hanging open. He uses my position to his advantage and leans forward, running his tongue along my bottom lip. “Any more rules?” His mouth still rests against mine.

“Just one.”

He pulls back just a bit.

I feel kind of dumb at this last one, maybe I’m crossing the line into girlfriend territory even asking, but knowing it’s what I want, I press on. “Dates. I like you taking me out.” I look down. I know I like it because it makes me feel different and special. MJ said he never dated before me. I like that this applies only to me.

“No.” He shakes his head, his expression firm.