Eliza Jane - In Too Deep

I decide that on my way to bed, I’ll walk past his room. If I see his light on under the door, I’ll knock. If the light is turned off, I won’t. I didn’t want to have that awkward moment where he thought I was coming for a late night booty call. Awk-ward, I giggle to myself.

Heading down the hall, I can tell from several doors down that his light is still on. Its faint glow floods through the crack by the floor. My heart speeds up at the thought of seeing him.

As I get closer, a knocking sound I can’t place grows louder. I stop in front of his door, confusion setting in. I raise my hand to knock when I hear it. A faint female voice moaning, followed by the knocking sounds again. She calls out Colt’s name. Holy shit!

I drop my hand, my fists balling up at my sides. My heart pounds in my chest in time with the knocking bed post against his wall.

Tears spring to my eyes. I have to get out of here. Now.  I turn and run down the hall, stumbling blindly, thankful no one’s around. I don’t know when it happened, but the tears are freely flowing down my cheeks. I trip and catch myself against the banister, breathing hard. My heart slams against my chest, beating so painfully I fear it may just stop working. I brace myself against the wall for support and sink slowly down to the floor.

What was I thinking liking Colt? He could not be trusted. No guy could. They thought with their dicks, plain and simple. I sniff and wipe my nose on my sleeve, not even trying to stop the tears from coming. It would be pointless. Despite my best intentions not to, I’ve fallen for Colt, and he’s already crushed my heart just like Wes had.

I don’t know how long I sat there feeling sorry for myself, but after a little while, I hear voices coming down the hall. Shit. I press myself closer to the wall, but there’s nowhere to hide.

“See ya soon,” a girl’s voice says sweetly. She rounds the stairs and stops in front of me. “Excuse me,” she says, stepping around me. I don’t bother looking up to investigate. Feet clad in sky high heels, leading to tanned, well-toned calves tell me everything I need to know. Yes is superior to me in every way. I didn’t want to further torture myself by looking into the face of the girl who’d just slept with Colt, so instead I keep my eyes trained on the floor.

She hurries down the stairs, moving faster than someone in heels that high should be able to. Clearly she knows her way around here since Colt hasn’t even bothered to walk her to the door. What an ass. But that’s probably for the best, since the last thing I need is to watch them share a goodbye kiss. My stomach churns just thinking about it.

But then I notice Colt’s footsteps are coming closer, continuing down the hall. The girl gave away my hiding spot when she spoke to me. Colt’s probably wondering who is out here at this hour.

I wipe at my face, knowing there’s no hiding my tear streaked cheeks, and mascara stained eyes.

The footsteps stop behind me. “Taylor?”

“Yeah,” I croak out without turning around.

Colt walks over, positioning himself on the stair in front of me. He crouches down, studying my face, looking concerned. He sits down facing me. “What’s wrong?” He brings his hand up to my cheek. I flinch like I’ve been slapped, and he quickly drops his hand, looking hurt and confused. Welcome to the club. “What is it?” his voice is soft, pleading.

I swallow down a fresh wave of emotion at his concern and meet his eyes. “Was that Yes?”

He nods, looking down at the floor. “Does that bother you?”

Hell yes! “Does it matter?”

He leans in closer. “It matters to me.” He reaches toward me, giving my hand a squeeze.

I pull back, not wanting him to touch me. “Don’t,” I say, my voice firm, unwavering.

He lets my hand drop. “I’m sorry, Taylor. I’m sorry I’m not the guy you want me to be. I can see it in your eyes. The way you judge my lifestyle. You tell me to go have fun, but I know you don’t mean it.”

I look down. He’s right.

He lifts my chin, then quickly drops his hand, remembering my no touching rule. “You’re right, okay. I used to have no problem with the way I lived, but now I’m starting to question it. So you should be happy right?”

Maybe I am getting through to him more than I thought. I close my eyes. No. I won’t allow myself to get my hopes up. He will not regain my trust simply be saying he wants to change. I would need to see it with my own eyes. Words are meaningless. Wes had taught me that. Colt would have to prove it.

“So show me,” I whisper, my lips trembling.

Colt tips his head, raising an eyebrow. “Show you what?” He strokes my cheek, coaxing it out of me.

I swallow down my tears. “That you can be trusted. That you’re not the guy you seem.”

He chuckles. “You mean that I’m not a total dirt bag?”

“Exactly.” I smile back, wiping away the dampness still lingering at my eyes.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know.” I know he didn’t mean to. This is just who he is, which is why it’s so dangerous for me to like him.

I unfold my legs from underneath me, where they’d fallen asleep and set my feet on the step next to Colt. He lifts my sandaled feet to his lap. “I waited for you. I even picked out an old hacker movie I was betting you’d never seen.”

Is he kidding me? He says this like it should impress me. I’m moments away from slapping him and taking him to get tested for STDs.

“But when you didn’t show…and she called….I…I don’t know, I guess I just got bored.”

I roll my eyes. “Bored?” The word drips with sarcasm.

“I’m sorry, that sounded terrible.”

I press my lips together, nodding. He’d have to do a lot better than this.

His fingers trace a slow pattern in my skin, slipping along my ankle bone, dipping down to the arch of my foot. “Tell me what you want.” His voice is breathless, husky.

I swallow. “I can’t.”

“But I don’t want to see you sad like this again. And if this is about me…I need to know.”

“Colt,” I plead. “I can’t.”

“Fuck,” he growls. “I’m not good at this.”

“At what?”

“Girls,” he says.

“Yeah, right. I strongly doubt that.”

“I mean the real stuff.” He looks at me, his hazel green eyes burning with intensity on mine. “I don’t think I’ve ever been friends with a girl like this.” He smiles, coaxing a grin from me. “Don’t let me mess it up, okay?”

Friends? Awesome. Yay. Kill me now. I nod. “It’s simple, Colt. Be there. Listen, care.” And stop being a manwhore, I say in my head.

He nods. He rubs his hands along my calves, massaging away the tension and making my stomach dance with hope. But then I remember that his hands were just on her, touching her body God knows where. I pull my feet free from his lap and stand. “Goodnight, Colt.”

He’s quiet and doesn’t move from the step as I walk away.

In the morning I avoiding the cafeteria and slip out of the building quietly when my parents arrive. I don’t want to see Colt, especially after the way I acted last night. Like a love sick little girl. I’m disgusted with myself. Even though this break is only two weeks, it’s a much needed reprieve from seeing Colt. I needed this break. Another night like last night and I’d end up opening my big mouth and admitting how I feel about him, or worse, go crawling into his bed.