Eliza Jane - In Too Deep

Crap. Maybe I’m being too harsh. I shift my weight, leaning back on my hip. “It’s just... I had a little run in earlier. The second year girls aren’t too happy about me and you and the lack of attention you’re paying them.”

His brow creases. “Someone said something to you? Who was it?”

I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. Listen, I want you to go back to being the old you.” The words taste bitter in my mouth. I don’t mean it! I scream inside my head.

“What are you saying? You want me to go with them?” His eyes are pure confusion and my heart leaps into my throat.

I nod. I cannot speak.

“Oh.” He turns away from me, and runs his hands through his hair. I want to wrap my arms around his waist and tell him to stay with me, but I can’t. I can’t expect him to change, so I know this is for the best. This will end this little illusion between us before I get really hurt.

There are a million things I want to say to him, but I can’t. I press my lips together and head to the door, leaving Colt standing alone in the center of the room.

On my way into the hall, I pass by Britt and Bria. Together. Coming for him. Wow, they do not fight fair. I shudder picturing Colt with a girl on each arm. I don’t want to wait around to see him leave with them. That visual is more than I can handle.

The next morning, I arrive for training a few minutes early, but Colt is already there. We’re quiet as we go through the moves together, all business, nothing more than small talk and instruction exchanged between us. I have no idea why things suddenly feel so awkward. My goal had been to get things back to normal, not make things worse.

I’m dying to ask him about yesterday, but of course I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t care.  “So…” I can’t help it, I know I need to shut my mouth, yet my curiosity wins out. “Did you have fun with Bria and Britt last night?” I offer a weak smile.

His face softens, unsure. He bites his lip, hesitating, then meets my eyes. Oh this is not going to be good. He looks like he’s about to admit to a murder. It was a just a threesome – that I pushed him into. Breathe, I remind myself.

I hold up my hand. “Never mind. Don’t answer that. I’ll use my imagination.” I laugh, but it sounds hollow, even to my ears. I turn away from him, nearly in tears.

“We didn’t. I didn’t,” Colt says in barely a whisper.

“Oh.” I turn to face him again. I want to ask why, but I hold my tongue. Our eyes stay locked on each others, communicating so much without speaking a word. I know he’s drawn to me, just like I am to him. Only I have no idea if it’s because he wants me to be another conquest or something more. I need to stop kidding myself. He isn’t capable of something more. He’s said so himself. I release a deep sigh, letting go of some of the tension I’ve felt since yesterday. Colt looks like he wants to say more, but instead we begin our lesson.

We make it through the rest of the training in silence, neither of us willing to speak what’s on our minds. A few times Colt looks at me like he wants to ask something, but stops himself.

Once training ends, I rush off toward the showers, relieved to have survived another day without saying something that will betray my true feelings for Colt.  I cannot let that happen. And with our two-week summer break coming up, it seems I’ll be safe for a little while longer.

I was sick. I had to be. Or dying. Hopefully dying. I’d turned down a threesome. A fucking threesome.

I throw my fist into the punching bag, slamming the bag away from me, letting a growl rip through my chest.

How can one small, argumentative girl be getting to me so much? It’s infuriating. Annoying. Sexy. Frustrating as hell. I’m fucked. Actually, that was the problem. I wasn’t. I couldn’t concentrate on other girls until I had Taylor. She was like a drug to me. I’d had one small taste and it was nowhere near enough. I was torn in between breaking all my rules about not messing around with younger girls and pursuing her whole-heartedly until she said yes. To me. To everything I wanted.

But as I’d spent more time with her, become friends with her, confided in her about my mom, I knew I couldn’t use her like that. Which made this all the more maddening. There was no way out.

I couldn’t go on acting like a pussy-whipped fool. I had to get her out of system. And I knew of only one way to do that.

My tension faded almost instantly having made that decision. Good. It was settled. I would have Taylor. Soon. Or I’d go crazy. 

MJ pushes up her sleeve. “I think a nice little saying or symbol. Right here.” She touches her wrist. MJ’s been talking about getting a tattoo for the past week and a half.

“Bad idea,” Logan says. “They’re permanent, in case you hadn’t heard. Whatever you like now, you’re not going to like when you’re forty.”

“He’s got a point.” I back Logan up, even though I know there’s no talking MJ out of something she wants.  I toss another handful of candy into my mouth. Logan’s mom sent yet another care package, this one filled with every type of candy imaginable and of course he’s sharing with us.

MJ’s head swivels to the door, mid-bite of a large chocolate bar.

“What?” I turn and follow her gaze.

Colt’s striding through the center of the cafeteria, heading straight for our table, his eyes locked on mine, completely unaware of all the others watching him.