“She was and I was stupid. I don't know, Sasha. What can I tell you? Other than Beth, you're the only woman I've ever loved. Maybe I'm a slow learner, or dyslexic or something. All I know is I get it now.”

“It's too late,” she said sadly. She didn't want it to be, but it was. For both of them. They couldn't do this again, no matter how tempting.

“It's not,” he insisted.

“It is.” She was as stubborn as he. More so this time.

“I'm going to get drunk in a minute if you don't stop arguing with me. You give me no other choice.”

For a minute, she thought he meant it. “Do you want a drink?”

“No, I want you.” He got down on bended knee in her kitchen. They still hadn't made it out of the kitchen, and she laughed at him.

“You look ridiculous, stop that. Get up, for God's sake.”

“I won't till you agree to try again. Oh hell, Sasha, what have we got to lose?”

“Our sanity. Mine anyway. I damn near lost it last time.”

“I won't do that again. I promise.”

“You'll do something else worse. I know you will.”

“Then what? So we'll fight for a while, and figure it out. It's a learning process. I'm a slow learner, but God, woman, I love you.”

“You're impossible.”

“Maybe I am. But this relationship isn't.” He walked over then and did what he had wanted to do all evening, and the night before, and hadn't dared. He kissed her, and put his arms around her. He didn't stop until they were both breathless. “I love you,” he said hoarsely.

“I love you, too,” she whispered. “Please, Liam … don't do this to me.” She was absolutely incapable of resisting him, and she knew it. She wanted him too much.

“Please, Sash, give us a chance …,” he whispered back. She looked at him long and hard, and then as though someone else had done it for her, totally out of her control, she nodded yes, and then closed her eyes.

With a single gesture, he swept her up in his arms, walked into her bedroom, and laid her down on the bed they had shared that summer. She lay watching him while he undressed, wondering at the insanity of what they were doing, and profoundly unable to resist him.

“I think I'm possessed,” she said, as she watched him take off his shoes, and then his pants. “I need an exorcist.”

“I need you,” he said, as he dropped his trousers on the floor and then his shirt. She nearly swooned as she watched him do it, and then he turned off the light. “All I need is you,” he said as he joined her in bed.

“I love you, Liam…we better get it right this time,” she warned as he started to make love to her.

“We will, Sash, I promise.”

They made love as though they were addicted to each other. What they shared was beyond reason, beyond promises, beyond words. All they knew, as they lay together, was that they both believed that it was possible again.





Chapter 20




Sasha woke up in the morning, lying next to Liam, and all she could do this time was laugh. “Tell me I'm dreaming. I must be on drugs … we are both nuts to try this again.”

“Yes,” he said, rolling over on his back with a broad grin, “we are and I love it. Think how boring life would be otherwise.”

“Yeah, and maybe even sane. God knows what that would feel like. I can't remember anymore.”

“Sane is boring,” he said, smiling at her.

“Oh God… don't tell me that…”

“What are we doing today?”

“I don't know about you, Sir Wacky Artist. As for me, I have to work for a living. I have children and artists to support.”

“Not me. I'm sold out,” he said with a look of glee, as he rolled over and kissed her. They were happy again. Life was sweet. “I'll come back here after Vermont.” He had been planning to fly to London from Boston, but now, in the blink of an eye, all his plans had changed. “I can fly back to Paris with you if you want. I don't want to intrude on you and Xavier for Christmas. I can go back to London for a few days.”

“No,” she said firmly, “I want you there. Xavier would love it.” Tatianna wouldn't be there for Christmas anyway. With her father gone now, she found Christmas too depressing with just her mother and brother. But Xavier was ever loyal to her and wouldn't have left her alone. “Liam,” she said, looking serious, as she sat up in bed. She looked as though she had an announcement to make. “I'm not going to lose you this time. I don't give a damn what it takes. I don't want to mess this up again. And if you storm out this time, I'm coming with you. I want you to know that. We'll either make this work or kill each other trying. I'll be goddamned if I'm going to lose again.”

“Yes, ma'am.” He saluted, and marched off to the shower. It was so good seeing him there again, with his tall, gorgeous naked body and his long blond hair.

“I mean it!” she shouted after him as he turned on the shower. “And I'm telling Tatianna today.” She said it as much to herself as to him. She knew Tatianna would be fine with it this time. And this was her life anyway, not theirs.

“I love you,” he shouted back in answer to whatever she'd said. That covered it for him.

She made bacon and eggs and English muffins for both of them. An hour later, he was reading the paper, back in bed, and she was ready to leave for work. He looked like he had never left, and it felt like he hadn't.

“The maid comes at noon,” she reminded him, as she stood smiling at him, with her briefcase in her hand.

“I know. I remember. I'll be up by then. You look very grown up today,” he commented, amused.

“I am.”

“No, you're not. Don't lie to me, Sasha. You're no more grown up than I am. If you were, we wouldn't be doing this.” She was glad they were. Very glad. So was he. Ecstatic in fact. She felt as though she had her life back, what she had back was him. The truth was that she made him grown up, and he made her young. Somewhere in the middle lay the realm of possibility they had been chasing for a year, and seemed to have found. The secret was to keep it. She was ready for the challenge, and so was he. They both knew it wouldn't be easy, but it was worth it to both of them. “Can you have lunch?” She nodded. “I'll pick you up at one. I have to do some errands first. I want to do some Christmas shopping for the kids. What do you think they want?”

“I don't even know them, Liam,” she said, laughing at him. He had moved right back in, and lay there in her bed like a king.

“I want to change that soon. Let's go to Vermont together the next time you come to New York.”

“That's a deal.” There was no secret to their relationship now. If they were going to do this, she knew they had to do it for real, no holds barred. She was prepared to do that now, and so was he. It had taken them a year to get in sync, which wasn't as bad as it might have been. Losing him for four months had shown her just how much he meant to her. And he had discovered the same thing. She kissed him before she left, and he leaped out of bed shortly after. He wanted to buy her a Christmas present too. He was going to do it that afternoon. Not just a gold bracelet this time, something better. He had made a lot of money that week, and he could hardly wait to spend some of it on her.

He picked her up at the gallery at one. They went to Gino's for lunch, and then he walked her back to the gallery, before he went to do his errands. He came back in the late afternoon, and hung around with Marcie, while Sasha finished working with a client. She introduced Liam to him before he left, and said that he was their most promising young artist. She kissed Liam's cheek then, and it was obvious that he was far more than that to her. And not a secret anymore. He was beaming when they left the gallery.

“That was nice, what you just did in there.”

“What? Introduced you to the client?” She knew what he meant, and she was happy he liked it. She knew what it meant to him now to be accepted, and sometimes even shown off. He needed that, and if that was what it took to make him happy, she was willing to do it. More than willing. She wanted to, because she loved him, and knew he loved her.

It was amazing to both of them how quickly it all fell back together, as though they'd never been apart. He moved to her apartment from his friend's in Tribeca. Sasha told Tatianna, and she called Xavier in London. She didn't make a fuss this time. She was leery of Liam, but accepted her mother's decision, and was even willing to give him a chance. She realized now how much her mother loved him.

Everything was back on track, better than it had ever been before. It was as though each time they came apart, when they found each other, the mesh that bound them tightened, and they were closer than ever. She felt almost married to him this time, and he commented on it too. She wondered if they ever would, but it didn't seem important. All that mattered was that they were back together. Their relationship had never seemed more possible than it did at that moment, and she felt absolutely certain that this time they would win and it would stick. She had said as much to Marcie that morning, who was happy for her too.

For the next two days, they had lunches and dinners, went shopping, he hung out at the gallery when she was busy, and they fell into their familiar rhythm of making love night and morning, and once in a while in between. Liam was leaving for Vermont the next morning, his presents for his children were packed. And he had a present for Sasha hidden in a drawer in Xavier's room. He had bought her a narrow diamond bangle bracelet this time, similar to the gold one he'd given her before, but this one sparkled and was far more “grownup.” He could afford it now. He couldn't have in May. Everything had changed after his show. He had some real money coming in finally, and he was anxious to get back to work again.