Jewel Ann - Idle Bloom

She has no idea how hard it was for me to look at her back today. Those scars represent how much she’s really given herself to me, how much she trusts me. Vivian’s all in, no holds barred, take me as I am, and I’m the luckiest bastard alive. She deserves the same and every time I think the words of truth, my truth, are ready to come out, they don’t. I can’t give them to her. It’s like they’re glued to my soul and it’s only a matter of time before she rips them out of me.

“You’re awfully quiet, Mr. Konrad. Too much sex today?” She grins while breaking down the boxes by the door, which is what I should be doing. Instead, I’m lost in my own world of self-pity.

I hold out my hand and she takes it, once again giving me everything with complete trust. Pulling her between my legs, I rest my cheek on her chest while feathering my fingers over the back of her legs. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“I do.” She slides her fingers through my hair.

“Good, because someday you may question my love for you, but don’t.” I look up at her and I see the concern etched in the wrinkles on her forehead.

She moves her hands to my face, resting her palms on my cheeks. “O-kay.”

“No matter what, I’m serious. Promise me you’ll never forget how much I love you and how much I don’t deserve you, but I’m selfish and letting you go is too impossible.”

“Oli, you’re scaring me.”

I hug her tight as if I can physically draw her into me so we’re connected in a way that nothing could ever separate us.

“Don’t be scared.”

She leans back and looks at me. “Are you dying?”

I laugh. “We’re all dying, and when you don’t wear underwear you kill me a little faster every day.”

She rolls her eyes. “I’m serious.”

“I am too.” I grin. “But, no, I’m not dying any more than you are.”

She steps back, opening the last box. Pulling out a fleece blanket, she tosses it on the bed next to me, then she pulls out a pillow and hugs it to her chest. Worrying her teeth over her bottom lip she stares at me. “I like to rest my head on a pillow when I sleep.”

Fuck!

I swallow hard and shake my head slowly. “I can’t.”

“It’s not for you, just for me—”

“I can’t.” I try to keep the anger out of my voice.

She steps toward me with the pillow, and I feel the sweat bead on my skin. “Vivian?” I hold up my hand and shake my head faster. She stops. “Remember what I just said to you?”

She nods.

I try to control my breathing and steady my voice. “Good, then you need to get rid of the fucking pillow before I tear it to shreds.”

The woeful frown on her face guts me, but I can’t change what’s happening and I hate myself for it. As much as I want to put on an act and pretend the anxiety inside isn’t eating me alive, I can’t.

A few tears escape her eyes then she turns and puts the pillow back in the box and carries it downstairs. I can’t breathe as sweat drips down my face. I shrug off my clothes and jump into the cold shower. Regret washes over me faster than the water.

I hate her. I hate her. I hate her.

Oliver

We go to work, eat, sleep, and even make love like it’s the first and the last time. She’s still her playful, funny, and sexy-as-hell self, as if I didn’t nearly have a breakdown in front of her over a damn pillow. I try to smile at the right times and act engaged in our conversations. I’m living with the woman I love more than life itself, yet I’m miserable.

“Are you excited for your birthday tomorrow?” Lively eyes gaze up at me as we take the Red Line to work.

Shaking my head, I cup her ass and pull her close to me. “It’s just another day.”

She sucks in her lips biting them together. Then she whispers in my ear, “We’ll see if by the end of the day tomorrow you’re still calling it just another day.”

And … I’m hard. Just great.

“Thanks for the boner. This is my stop.”

She kisses me and grins. “Love you.”

“Mmm, you too.” I turn to get off the subway and she smacks me on the ass. I whip around to see the devilish temptress in her eyes and catch a few snickers and grins from the passengers around her. As soon as I step off and the doors shut, I text her.

Me: Paybacks are a bitch, my love!

Vivian: I hope so!

* * *

Chance and I have started a new project at a park near the harbor. It’s going to be a back-breaking day with over six tons of rock and fifty bags of mulch to haul by wheelbarrow.

“What’s Vivian got planned for your big day?”

“She won’t say.”

“I bet it involves leather, whips, and icing on her cupcakes.”

I dig the shovel into the pile of rock. “I don’t think about her that way.” Lie.

“Sure you don’t. That’s why you couldn’t even get out of Mom and Dad’s driveway before nailing her in the backseat of your car.”

“And there it is.” I shake my head and lift the handles of the wheelbarrow. “I was actually surprised and kind of proud of you for not mentioning it all week when I thought for sure you’d be razzing me about it on Monday.”

“It is impressive, isn’t it?” He tosses a couple bags of mulch over his shoulder.

“Was, it was impressive, but not anymore.”

“Mom and Dad are worried about you.”

“What’s new?”

“They think you’re going to mess this up by not telling her.”

“I’m going to tell her. Everyone else needs to just butt out.”

“When?”

I dump the load of rock onto the landscaping paper. “After we get back from her parents’ house next weekend.”

“Good call. Then they’ll have a face to put with the name of the guy who broke their little girl’s heart.”

“I’m not going to break her heart!” There he goes pushing all the right buttons.

“Hey, man, don’t get upset. I understand—”

“You don’t fucking understand! Nobody does! You weren’t there, you didn’t see what I saw!”

Chance looks around to see if anyone’s hearing me. He doesn’t say anything … for the rest of the day.

* * *

Vivian

“Oli?” I whisper while straddling him. “You’re going to miss the sunrise on your big day, baby.”

He flops his arm over his face. I take a mental picture of him hoping that in fifty years we’re doing the same thing and that I will still remember this day. Kissing my way up and over the bumpy muscles of his abs, I pull his arm off his face. He squeezes his eyes shut like a defiant little boy.

“Fine.” I crawl off him. “I’ll be on the deck if you change your mind.”

“Wait!”

I smile and don’t have to turn around to know that he’s opened his eyes. “You like?”

“Get back here.”

I turn around so he can see the front of my sexy red lace teddy connected to G-string bottoms. “I’ll meet you on the deck.”

“Vivian!”

I grin all the way to the deck. As soon as I open the door his hands are on my bare ass, caressing it.

“Have a seat, birthday boy.”

He sits in the lounge chair and grins like I’m just about to make all his dreams come true … and I am. The sky is still dark but there’s a small line of light teasing the distant horizon.

“Have you ever had sex while watching the sunrise, Oli?”

He shakes his head as his eyes follow me. I spread his legs and kneel on the chair between them. “Good. Now, I believe you’re thirty today, correct?”

He nods and his mouth goes slack as I release him from his briefs.

“Well lucky for you I don’t have a strong gag reflex so you just sit back and watch the sunrise while I give you a thirty minute birthday blow job.”

His breath catches as I take him in my mouth. “I-I don’t know if … I’ll last … thirty minutes.”

I look up at him while my tongue makes a slow stroke to the tip. “Oh you won’t, baby.” I take him in as far as I can then suck and swirl my tongue around him as I release him. “But that’s okay, I’ll swallow and start over again.”

* * *

Thirty minutes, one quick, and two long orgasms later, Oli gets dressed while I make breakfast.

“Here, baby.” I set his plate down as he takes a seat at the table.

“Mmm, smells good.”

“Ground turkey hash and wheat toast. Coffee?”

“Please.” He turns as I walk back to the kitchen and he’s still staring at me as I return with two cups of coffee.

“What?” I raise a brow.

“Are you going to wear that to work?”

I look down at my red teddy. “Yes.”

His eyes attempt to pop out of their sockets.

“Maggie said business has been a little slow lately so I thought I could stand out front, like a mascot, and draw in some new customers.”

His toast falls from his hand back to his plate.

“Kidding, Oli.” I laugh and shake my head. “Relax, I’m just kidding.”

He struggles to smile as he continues to eat.

“You’ve been kind of quiet, even a little withdrawn since the sunrise. I sort of expected the opposite, I mean … you enjoyed it, right?”

He chuckles looking down at his plate. “Yes, it was enjoyable and unexpected.”

My appetite vanishes. I can see something is bothering him. There’s really nothing more humiliating than dressing up in lingerie and sucking a guy’s dick for a half hour only to be given the cold shoulder and told it was “enjoyable.” A good movie or dinner with friends is enjoyable, an epically long birthday blow job deserves a better adjective.