Trey ordered another beer and sighed. The empties lined up in front of him told him it was time to go home. Only problem was, which he hadn't thought of earlier, he was probably too drunk to drive. Not that he felt drunk. He felt stone-cold sober. Nah, that wasn't true either. The room had taken on a bit of a fuzzy glow.

He could easily walk the few blocks to his apartment. With that thought, he tossed back the remainder of the beer and lifted a hand to signal the bartender for another. What the hell. If he had to walk home, might as well have a really good reason. And the alcohol was finally starting to make him feel pleasantly numbed to the pain that was constantly with him.

The laughing group of women caught his eye again. One of them was getting up to dance. A man led her onto the dance floor, a good-looking guy with shaggy blond hair. The woman, too, was blonde, a long sheet of platinum hanging down her back. They danced well together, a snappy two-step, and when the song ended, they returned smiling and breathless to the table. The man pulled out a wallet and tossed bills onto the table, then wrapped his arm around the woman.

Apparently, they were leaving, waving goodbye to her friends, weaving their way across the bar to the exit. As they passed by Trey, he got a look at the man's face.

Trey's reflexes were slow due to his excessive alcohol consumption and it took a minute before he realized Sheldon Barnes had just walked past him. Escorting a woman out of the bar.

Trey jumped unsteadily to his feet. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. He started after them, knocking a chair over in his inebriated haste. People were looking at him, but he didn't care. Adrenaline kicked in. He stumbled out of the bar into the dark parking lot and saw a brown Ford leaving.

"Shit!" he yelled, and ran for his own vehicle.

His heart was going to explode out of his chest. He grabbed the cell phone clipped to his belt and made the urgent call for back-up. Even as he stabbed the key into the ignition, he knew this wasn't a good idea, but desperation and determination to stop that psycho killer, to save that woman from God knew what, overrode his common sense.

He squealed out of the parking lot, trying to keep the Ford in sight. They turned left at the first lights and he followed, narrowly missing an oncoming vehicle that blared its horn at him as it swerved. Fuck. He pressed on the gas pedal, trying to catch up to them, trying to talk on the cell phone, trying to focus on the road ahead of him.

"I'm on Market Street," he yelled. "Coming up to Park Boulevard. He's about two blocks ahead of me."

There was too much traffic. He blinked, trying to clear his vision, and pulled out to pass the vehicle in front of him that was impeding him. He pulled into the oncoming lane just as a Jeep Liberty turned from a side street right in front of him. The lights blinded him and with wrenching metal, exploding air bags and squealing tires, the collision was head-on.

Chapter 22

The words came out a lot easier than he'd expected. "I wasn't sure if I was ready to have kids, but, hey, it'd happened, so I was kind of getting used to the idea. Actually"--he gave a mirthless little laugh--"I'd started to look forward to it. It was kind of cool."

Marli was still studying his face, and he pushed her head down against his chest, unable to bear the pity he knew he'd see in her eyes. "It was pretty tough," he said, in outrageous understatement. "My marriage was destroyed, I was no longer going to be a father, and my brother had betrayed me. That was almost the worst thing. It was humiliating, even at work. People felt sorry for me. My family was devastated. They were pissed at Travis, which they should have been, and they felt sorry for me and it was brutal."

"It must've been." Her fingers moved on his shoulder in warm, comforting circles.

"I was hurt, angry, sad. I was so furious, I was mad at the whole world, not just Lisa and Travis."

"Oh, Trey. How do you possibly get through something like that?"

"Not very well. I was stupid. I didn't give a shit about much, except for catching Sheldon Barnes. I worked all the time and like I told you, if I wasn't working, I was drinking." He paused. "I could almost numb the pain with enough booze."

"Did he...kill her? The woman in the bar that night?"

"No. Lucky for her, she got away. But..." He couldn't say it.

"What about the people in the other car? Were they okay?"

"Yeah, lucky for them, too. But I got suspended from my job, lost my license for six months, went through torturous rehab. When my suspension was up, I could drive again, so I bought a new vehicle I couldn't really afford and decided to take one more month and go see Kent in San Francisco. 'Course, I never made it there."

"Oh, Trey, you've been through hell." She was silent, stroking his shoulder softly. "Is this the first time you've talked about it?"

"Basically, yeah. The bureau sent me for counseling, but it was too raw to talk about it back then. I had no one else to talk to. I couldn't face my family. I wasn't going to work, and that was fine because it was humiliating just to see the look of pity on everyone's face."

His marriage was over, but there really had been no closure. He'd never spoken to Lisa again since that night, even though she had now given birth to his brother's child. Lisa was irrevocably a part of their family, whether married to him or not, whether he liked it or not.

He'd gotten the e-mails and voice mails from his family, telling him he now had a nephew, but he'd never responded to them. Didn't know what to say. Couldn't bear to see the pity in everyone's eyes, couldn't face Travis who was now a father to what should have been his baby. He waited for the familiar ache in his chest that always accompanied that thought. But it wasn't there. Huh.

"And you still haven't talked to your family about it?"

"Christ, no. Don't you see what a fucking mess it is? Lisa had the baby a month ago. He's part of our family. She's part of our family."

"But you're divorced, right?"

He hesitated. "Um...no. No, actually."


Marli went very still. "Oh."

She'd been sleeping with a married man. She was in love with a married man. She drew away from him, taking the sheets with her to cover her nakedness. She pushed back and sat up.

"I went to see a lawyer right after it happened," Trey explained. "He was going to start working on the divorce. Then all that other shit happened and I just didn't care enough to bother with it."

"Oh," she said again. "Were...are you hoping you two will get back together?"

He ran an agitated hand through his hair and leaned his head back against the headboard. "Christ, I don't know."

That wasso not the answer she'd wanted to hear.

She wanted to hear an emphatic "No!" Not that ambiguous response. Her heart hurt so bad she couldn't breathe.

"Well, your trip to San Francisco didn't turn out so well," she said lightly. "I'm sorry about that."

"God, Marli, don't."

"Well, it is my fault. Although, you could've just left. I never really understood why you stayed around."

He closed his eyes. "Don't you see, Marli? Krista would still be alive if I hadn't fucked up that night and let Barnes walk right by me."

She turned to stare at him. "You blame yourself for Krista's murder?" Wow. She turned that concept around and around in her mind, looking at it, thinking about it. "Hey, buddy, that's my turf."

"You don't have the market cornered on guilt," he said wearily.

She nodded. Well, that sort of explained it. Once he'd found out what was going on, guilt had made him stay and try to fix things.

Just like she'd been trying to do. She knew only too well the power of guilt to make you do stupid, irrational things. It was almost funny, and she started to laugh, but it was hollow laughter, her throat burning, eyes stinging.

"You are such an idiot." She stabbed a finger into his chest, and he looked at her in surprise. "Yeah. You are. You already told me Krista's murder wasn't my fault. What the hell are you thinking, feeling responsible?" She smacked his shoulder. "Jesus, how stupid can you be?"

His eyes went wide with shock. He stared at her speechlessly.

"I guess you expected me to be all sorry for you. Poor Trey. Well, I'm not. You're acting like a big baby."

"What!"

"You are. Wallowing in self-pity, running away from your problems. You haven't dealt with your wife, your brother... anything. And you won't deal with me."

"What the... That's bullshit."

"Think about it, Trey." She glared at him. "I love you. I know you care about me."

"Don't love me," he shouted. "I'm not worth it. Look at me!"

She gave him a long look, her heart tight in her chest. "I'm looking at you. And I'm seeing a man who is strong and caring and protective, someone you can count on, someone who saved my life. More than once."

"That's not what you said a minute ago," he muttered, shifting his eyes away from hers. "Marli, I have nothing to offer you. Who knows what's left of my career after all this. I'm married to another woman; my family is a mess. Christ."

"I know. But I love you anyway." Her lips twisted. "Don't worry, Trey. I'm not going to cry, or beg, or stalk you or anything. But you need to know how I feel. I'm sorry if you don't like it."

"Oh, Christ, Marli, don't."