Catherine McKenzie - Hidden

“Someone may have heard that,” she said eventually, smiling against my lips.

I kissed her again. “Shh. Don’t worry. No one heard.”

“The birds did. And the stars.” She let out a sob, then caught it. I felt a few tears fall against my cheek.

“I’m so sorry, Tish. This is my fault.”

“That’s not why I’m crying.”

“Why then?”

“Because I feel so happy. And I know I’m never going to feel this way again, and that makes me sad.”

“Do you want to? Feel this way again?”

She pulled my hips closer and it was my turn to gasp. “Of course I do. But, we said…we said we wouldn’t. We shouldn’t have done this. We can’t.”

“We can’t,” I agreed, though maybe she’d been asking a question. “A one-time thing.”

“Yes.”

Her hands moved to my face, forcing me to look her in the eyes I was already lost in.

“We can’t tell, okay? We have to…this has to be our thing. Ours.”

“Yes.”

“Promise?” she asked.

“Promise,” I agreed.

Once again, thank you to my constant earliest reader, Katie, for giving me the courage to go on when it would’ve been easier to stop.

To my agent and friend, Abby Koons, for telling me this book wasn’t good enough until it was. I am always listening, even when you think I’m not. And to the whole team at Park Literary for making it possible for me to keep writing books.

To my editors at HarperCollins Canada, Jennifer Lambert and Jane Warren, for being there from the beginning of this one and encouraging me to continue. And for that great lunch in Toronto, where we worked the last third out. And to my U.S. editors, Liz Egan and Katie Salisbury for their valuable input.

To the writers in my life, particularly the members of the Fiction Writers Co-op, for being a source of information, a circle of trust, and a constant support system. And to Shawn Klomparens, whose own words made me want to do better this time around.

To Nancy Tan for copyediting this book with a fine hand. Any mistakes that remain are mine. To the whole team at Amazon/New Harvest for giving this book a chance at an American life.

To my friends Tasha, Phyllis, Janet, Tanya, Eric, Presseau, Candice, Kevin, Lindsay, Marty, Annie, Phil, Christie Brown, Patrick, Sara, Dan, Katie, Stephanie, Thierry, Amy, and Olivier, what would I do without you?

To the many readers who’ve taken the time to write me or connect with me on Facebook and Twitter, your kind words mean more than I can say. And to all my readers, for making this fourth (!) book possible.

And to my family: Mom, Dad, Cam, Scott, Owen, Liam, Mike, Katherine, Alex, William, Jennifer, Michael, my amazing grandparents Dorothy and Roy, and David. Your love and support help get me through.

1. Claire and Seth must cope with Jeff’s sudden disappearance from their lives, and they are obviously in shock at the news of his death. Do you think it is more difficult to cope with a loved one’s death if it’s sudden than if you have had the chance to prepare yourself for their passing, as in the case of a prolonged illness?

2. Although Jeff is one of the narrators of the novel, he cannot answer any of the questions Claire is left with after he passes. How do you cope with unreconciled questions about someone you love after they are gone? Do you think Claire finds any amount of peace after visiting Tish?

3. Claire’s family takes an active role during her bereavement—her parents, her in-laws, her sister, and even her brother-in-law surround and support her—while Tish must face the true extent of her grief alone. Have you ever had to hide the extent of your feelings from the closest people around you? Did you end up confiding in someone?

4. Is Jeff’s pre-funeral a grim foreshadowing of his future, or just a cruelly ironic coincidence? Do you agree with Claire that “if you [are] prepared for the worst, you might make it come true”?

5. Throughout the novel, it appears that Jeff and Tish’s affair begins as an emotional attachment rather than anything physical. Is having an emotional affair as damaging to a relationship as a physical one? Is it possible to be in love with more than one person?

6. Jeff and Tish agreed to put a deadline on their relationship, after which they would no longer contact each other for the sake of their respective families. Have you ever had to end a relationship you really wanted to continue?

7. In the end, Tish holds true to her pact with Jeff to keep what happened between them a secret. Do you think it is selfish of her not to tell grieving Claire the truth? Do you think it is better for Claire not to know?

8. Do you think Claire is justified in going through Jeff’s emails once she becomes suspicious of his relationship with Tish? Would you feel comfortable if someone close to you had access to your cell phone or computer?

9. Do you think Claire’s past relationship with her husband’s brother provides Jeff with some amount of justification for his affair with Tish, or contributes to its development? Do you think Jeff is truly reconciled to the idea of Tim and Claire’s relationship?

10. Tish and her daughter, Zoey, are both intellectually gifted individuals, and they also end up sharing anxiety about performing in front of an unseen audience. Does this factor in to larger issues in the novel surrounding the idea of being observed and judged by others? How important are other people’s opinions of you, and of your relationships?