"Are you coming, Claude?" Diane Ratner asked as she crooked her shoulder suggestively.

"You're damn right I am," he said and smiled at her. Then he put his arm through hers and embraced her tightly around the waist. She squealed with glee and flashed a look of satisfaction at me. I could just hear her bragging: "You might be our class valedictorian and you might have this big house and great party, but I have your boyfriend.

"Satisfied?" Claude asked me.

"Yes. If this is what you've decided is most important, then I am very satisfied. I made the right decision," I said.

His smile faded quickly. "Go read a book," he snapped.

"A dry one," Diane added. Their peals of laughter trailed after them as they joined the others and headed for the front door.

Catherine came running over to me. "What are you doing?"

"The sensible thing," I said. She shook her head and looked toward the others. "Go on. Don't worry about me. I'm all right."

"This was supposed to be our night to howl," she whined.

"We all howl in different ways, I suppose. Why did you let them destroy my speech? I thought we were close friends."

"It was just a joke. I knew you would be all right," she said but she averted her gaze.

"Friends protect and look after each other, but I suppose that takes some maturity," I added dryly.

Her eyes snapped back, full of fire. "I don't know what to think about you anymore, Pearl. Maybe you're too full of yourself for the rest of us. I'm disappointed," she added and turned away to hurry after the others. I watched them all leave the house, and for a moment, all the music, all the chatter and the laughter, faded. I heard only Claude's angry words and Catherine's disappointment.

I bit down on my lower lip and sucked back the sobs that clamored to escape. Even though I had eaten, I had a hollow feeling in my stomach. Was I too much of a goody-goody? Was I just a brain?

I looked back at my party. Everyone was having such a good time, and Daddy had never looked younger or happier. Mommy was in a conversation with some of her gallery friends. All of my classmates had gone. Why, on this, the night I was supposed to feel so wonderful, was I standing here feeling devas-tated? I hurried out the side doors and walked down the patio toward the pool and cabana, leaving the jolly sounds of laughter, music, and chatter behind me.

I folded my arms under my breasts and walked slowly with my head down. Suddenly the twins and two of their friends jumped out of the hedges at me, all of them screaming, "Boo!"

"Get away from me!" I cried harshly.

Pierre's jaw dropped, but Jean kept laughing. "We were just fooling, Pearl," Pierre said.

"I don't have the patience for the two of you right now. Leave me alone!" I yelled at them.

"We're sorry," Pierre said. He seized Jean's arm. "Come on. Let's go see if we can get some ice cream."

"What's the matter with her?" Jean asked, confused.

"Let's go," Pierre ordered. Although Jean was stronger, he obeyed his brother, and the four of them scurried back to the house, leaving me with my shadows.

Above, the sky that had been mostly clear with stars gleaming was growing increasingly overcast. It was as if the clouds were being drawn from one horizon to the other like some great dark curtain to shut out the heavens and shut away the happiness I had experienced this day. I planted myself on a lounge chair and listened to the sounds of the city that drifted over our walls.

"What's wrong, Pearl?" I heard someone say a short while later. I looked up to see Mommy standing in the shadows.

"Nothing."

She stepped into the pale glow of the patio lights. "I know you too well, honey, and you know I feel your sadness," she said. She did, too. We were so close at times, it made Daddy shake his head in wonder. "I carried you inside me. We're too much a part of each other not to know each other's deepest feelings. What happened?"

I shrugged. "I said no, and everyone left. They think I'm a goody-goody, a brain without feelings."

"Oh, I see." She sat down beside me. In the increasing darkness, her face was hidden in shadow, but her eyes caught the pale light and glimmered with sympathy. "I know it's painful for you to drive your friends away, but you have to do what your heart tells you is right.

"Once, a long time ago," she added, "I said no, and I think I saved my life."

"Really? What happened?"

"My sister and a boyfriend came by in a car and asked me to go along with them. They had been smoking pot, and I saw they were already high, laughing, being reckless. They thought I was a party pooper, too, and I remember wondering if maybe there wasn't something wrong with me, maybe I was too old for my age."

"That was the night of the accident that crippled Gisselle?"

"Yes and killed the boy. I'm not saying something terrible has to happen all the time, but you've got to follow your instincts and believe in yourself."

"It was fun being with Claude sometimes; he's the most popular boy in school. But I didn't have a strong enough feeling for him. The fact is, I haven't had a strong feeling for any boy yet, Mommy. Is that odd? Am I too analytical? Am I just a brain?"

"Of course not," she said, laughing. "Why do you have to become seriously involved with someone while you're still so young?"

"You did," I said quickly and then regretted it.

"It was different for me, Pearl. I came from a different sort of life. I told you that. My childhood was rushed. I wish I had had more time to be young and carefree."

"But you did fall in love with Daddy soon after you met him, didn't you?"

"I suppose." Even in the darkness, I could see the tiny smile on her lips as she remembered. "We had our first kiss out here, in that cabana, a kiss that changed my life. But that doesn't mean it has to be that way for everyone, especially for you," she continued quickly. "You're going to have a career, and you're dedicated to higher things than most of your friends are," she added.

"Is that good?" I wondered aloud. "Will I miss something important?"

"I don't think so, honey. I think you're destined for more important things, and when you fall in love and someone falls in love with you, it will be a greater relationship than you can imagine now."

"I almost feel as if I should go to Marie Laveau's in the French Quarter and get some love powder," I said, and Mommy laughed.

"Who told you about that? Don't say I did," she added quickly.

"No, I read about it. You never did anything like that, did you?"

"No, but once in a while I'd burn a candle or Nina Jackson would burn some brimstone to keep away evil spirits she thought might be hovering about me. I suppose you think that's silly," she said. "And maybe it is."

"I don't know. Maybe if I were less scientific, I'd be happier," I said. "I know my friends would like me more."

"Nonsense. Don't be someone you're not just to please someone else," Mommy warned.

"Hey," Daddy called from the patio doors, "are you out here, Ruby?"

"Yes, Beau."

"Some of your friends are leaving and want to say good night."

"I'm coming."

"Something wrong?" Daddy asked when he saw I was with Mommy.

"No."

He stood there, skeptical. "Are you sure?"

"I'm fine, Daddy," I said. "We're coming in." I rose, and Mommy put her arm around me.

"And you are fine, too," she said squeezing me. "I'm proud of you, not just because you were the valedictorian and made a wonderful speech, but be-cause you're sensible and mature. You don't know how wonderful it is to have a daughter you can trust and rely upon."

"Thank you, Mommy." I kissed her on the cheek and smelled her hair and perfume and felt my heart lighten. I was lucky, and I would not let anything darken this wonderful day and this wonderful night, I thought.

After our guests left, the twins whined and begged for me to open some of the graduation presents. Mommy wanted them to go to bed, but Daddy said it was a special night and they could stay up a little later, so we all went into the sitting room, and I unwrapped some of the gifts.

There was clothing for college and some expensive reference books. Dr. Portier and his wife had given me the latest edition of Gray's Anatomy.

The twins became bored with my presents rather quickly. The two of them sank back in the larger settee, resting against each other, Pierre's arm over Jean's shoulders, Jean's eyes blinking and battling the weight of his eyelids. Finally Daddy nudged them and ordered them to bed. They had no resistance left and stumbled along. He guided them upstairs, and Mommy followed to be sure the two of them were all right.

Daddy returned first. "Happy, princess?" he asked.

"Yes, Daddy."

"It was the happiest day of my life," he said.

"No, it wasn't, Daddy."

"What?"

"The happiest day of your life was the day you met Mommy."

He laughed. "That's different."

"But it was-your happiest day, wasn't it?"

"I didn't know it at the time, but yes, it was. I met her right outside this house, and I thought she was her sister in a Mardi Gras costume."

"How does a man know when he's in love, Daddy? Do bells really ring in your head?"

"Bells?" He smiled. "I don't remember bells. I just remember that my first thought every morning when I awoke was of being with your mother." He stared at me. "Trouble with Claude?" I nodded. "The problem is simple, Pearl. You're too mature for him."

"I'm too mature for all the boys my age."

"Maybe."

"Does that mean I'll be happy only with a much older man?"