Maya Banks - Hidden Away

He wanted to taste her and for her to taste him. Sweat beaded his forehead and his breaths had shallowed until it embarrassed him. He was panting after her like a moron, but she flipped every one of his switches, and some he hadn’t even known he had.

He wanted to make love to her. He wanted her to trust him enough to take that step. He wanted to show her that he’d never hurt her.

Her surprise turned to hurt, her gaze growing dim. He hated the sadness that was deep seated there. It was like watching day turn to night as some of the light went out and shadows stretched like storm clouds through her eyes. She pulled her hand away and he let her this time.

“You were right, Garrett,” she said in a brave voice that trembled with the effort it took her to make the admission. “Someone did hurt me. More than that, he took something away that I’m not sure I’ll ever get back.”

It was hard to control the rage that mounted with every breath he took. He willed himself to remain still and not to outwardly react. She seemed so hesitant—and vulnerable—almost as if she expected him to back away as though she had the plague.

But he knew. Goddamn it, he knew that Cross had been the one who raped her. Everything clicked together at light speed. Her quitting her job with Cross and not taking one since.

It even made sense why Lattimer had killed the son of a bitch, and as much as Garrett loathed Lattimer, he understood why. There was plenty to condemn Lattimer for, but not this.

Sarah turned her haunted gaze to Garrett, and he saw her visibly withdraw. The walls went up, almost as if bracing herself for his rejection.

Instead, he eased forward, moving inch by inch until he slid his hand over hers again, cupping it protectively in his palm. “You’ll get it back.”

“He raped me,” she blurted. “I trusted him and he raped me.”

He wished he was one of these guys who always knew the right thing to say at the right time, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t subtle. He didn’t know how to be sensitive and he sucked at words. He acted. That was who he was.

He reached out and tenderly nudged her chin with his free hand until their gazes met again. Tears shimmered in her beautiful eyes and he remembered all the times before when she’d been so stalwart, on the verge of tears but never letting them fall. Had she ever cried for herself? Had she ever given herself permission to grieve?

“Honey, you gave him your trust. He shit on that. That’s on him. Not you. Never you. I’d like to find the bastard and cut his nuts off, but I know that doesn’t help you now.”

She gave a shaky laugh and a single tear slipped down her cheek. He caught it with his thumb and whisked it away but continued to stroke her cheek.

“He’s dead,” she whispered. “Marcus killed him.”

“I know,” he said gently. “But it was a nice image, wasn’t it?”

This time her laughter was stronger and some of the light flooded back into her eyes. And damn if he didn’t want to pull her into his arms and tell her it would be okay. But he had no way of knowing that. It was just words, and she didn’t need platitudes.

And just as quickly, her face crumpled and she took her hand from his and wiped at her eyes. “Oh God, I’m laughing and a man died because of me. Because I didn’t stand up for myself.”

“He deserved to die,” Garrett said fiercely. “Any man who preys on a woman deserves a long, painful death. He doesn’t deserve your regret or your guilt.”

“It’s not just him. My brother killed him for me. When he found out what Cross had done, he was so furious. I shouldn’t have told him. But he knew. He knew something horrible had happened.”

She was babbling now, talking fast, the words tumbling over each other, but he remained silent and let her get it out.

“I was so devastated. I couldn’t even go out of my apartment. Isn’t that ridiculous? I was afraid to go out because it would mean unlocking my door. I didn’t want to chance seeing him even though the odds of our paths crossing when I no longer worked for him were nil. I didn’t go to the police because I heard Allen telling me over and over that no one would ever believe me. It’s so stupid. Why did I believe him? Why did I allow him control even after it was over?”

“Not stupid,” he said.

Her eyes were glassy, and she was lost in another time and place. Locked in her past. Reliving it with each breath. He’d asked for her trust, but he hadn’t realized what it would cost her. And he hadn’t realized how painful it would be for him to hear. Even though he’d strongly suspected what had happened to her.

“Marcus doesn’t visit. I mean, not often. I’m sure you know he ...” She shook her head. “He doesn’t spend much time in the States. But we email often. He always looks out for me. Wants to know if there’s anything I need.

“He’d been trying to get in touch with me and was worried when he couldn’t reach me so he came to my apartment. It had been months. Months. And for me, it was like it had just happened the week before. At first I refused to tell Marcus, but he wouldn’t relent. He was so worried. He wanted to take me to a doctor. He thought I was ill. When I finally told him, he went crazy. I thought it was all talk. People say things in the heat of the moment all the time but they don’t mean it.”

“He meant it.”

“He meant it,” she repeated bleakly. “He spent so much time with me that it slid away, his threats, the words he said when he was so angry. He took me places. Bullied me to eat. Made me laugh again. I don’t know what I would have done without him. He saved my life. I know that sounds so dramatic, and I know you think I’m probably still a mess and I’m this scared little mouse, but it was so much worse then. It felt like something broke inside me and I didn’t know how to fix it. I’ve always been naïve. I know that about myself. I’ve been called a Goody Two-shoes. Miss See the Best in Everyone. He took that from me. I never imagined in a million years that he would have done something like that.

“I’ve always considered myself a good person. I’ve never done anything to purposely hurt anyone. I was in shock that this happened to me, and because it did, I turned into this vengeful person. I’ve never truly hated anyone, but I was glad when I saw him lying there on the floor.”

Garrett could stand it no longer. The ache in her voice, the absolute devastation was tangible. He pulled her into his arms and pressed her cheek to his chest. She didn’t resist as he stroked his hand through her hair. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to the top of her head.

When she spoke again, her voice was muffled by his shirt. He shifted and pulled her more firmly against him, but turning so that he could hear.

“Marcus began making plans. He talked of taking me away. I let him take charge. I thought at the time he was still worried and wanted to take me someplace he could keep an eye on me and so that I would get away from where it all happened. I didn’t realize what he’d planned until the day we were supposed to leave. I was packed. Marcus had made all the arrangements. His jet was waiting for us. And then Marcus said he had a last-minute appointment. He asked me to wait and that he’d send his driver for me as soon as he was finished and he’d meet me at the airport.

“If I hadn’t been in such a fog, I would have realized much sooner that Marcus would never have let it go. He was too furious after I told him. But that’s just it. I didn’t think. I never imagined ...”

Garrett squeezed her lightly and rubbed his hand up and down her arm to offer her the comfort she needed.

“I think I know the rest,” he said softly. “You went to try to stop Marcus. Allen was already dead. I think I know why you bolted instead of going ahead with the plan to go away with your brother.”

She shifted and turned her face upward, which sent her body snuggling even closer to his chest. He caught her, wanting to keep her there as her gaze found his. “If I stayed—if someone saw me or placed me at the crime scene—I’d either be a suspect or I’d be forced to testify against Marcus. No one knows of our relationship. No one would have reason to connect us. It was better if I was as far away from him as possible.”

Garrett was torn. Well and truly torn. If he didn’t hate Lattimer so much, he’d shake his hand for taking care of the scumbag who’d hurt Sarah. Somehow the idea of taking him down didn’t hold quite the appeal it did before. Sarah had been bitterly betrayed by a man she trusted, and now she’d be betrayed again. By a man who’d asked her to trust him, even knowing how much it cost her.

She was quiet for a moment before she laid her head back down against his shoulder and tentatively trailed her hand up his arm until she tucked her fingers around the ball of his other shoulder.

“I owe so much to Marcus. I can’t—won’t be used against him. He should never have done what he did. But he did it for me. Because he loves me. I know he isn’t perfect. I suspect he’s done some not-so-nice things, but thinking and knowing are two different things. No matter what he’s done, I won’t have him imprisoned because of me.”

Garrett had to bite his tongue to keep from telling Sarah just what a bastard Marcus was. She’d already been dealt a shock, on top of a traumatic attack. He couldn’t—and wouldn’t—further destroy her illusions. Not until he had to.

DESPITE her conversation with Garrett, Sarah pulled out her laptop from where she’d hidden it underneath the sofa cushion and carried it into the bedroom so she could check her email while she packed. Or that was her excuse. She hadn’t unpacked. All she had to do was put on her shoes and she was ready to leave. Again. This time not alone. With Garrett.