J. Kenner - Heated

“It’s really good beer,” I said, and clinked bottles with him. “But no. Honestly, I’m not sure why I came. The car sort of drove itself.”

“All the way from Indiana? You must really be going out of your mind on this medical leave.”

“Chicago,” I said, and that was as good a lead-in as any. I gave him the basic rundown, leaving out the more titillating details. If we ended up going there, I’d need more than one beer in my system.

“Last time I looked, kid, you didn’t have a Chicago badge.”

I eyed him sideways. “So?”

“So whatever these guys are up to doesn’t have anything to do with finding your missing friend, right?”

“Right.”

“And the girl was the reason you went to Chicago.”

“Yes.”

“So leave it alone.”

I blinked. “Leave it alone?”

“Jesus, Watson, you live and breathe this job more than anyone I know. You don’t have to right every wrong, you know. So unless those guys are killing folks in Indiana, their crimes and misdemeanors aren’t your problem.”

“Even if I’m banging one of them?”

He drew in a loud, noisy breath. “Well, shit, Watson. Now I’m gonna have that in my head all day.”

I leaned forward, my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. “I’m all twisted up, Oscar.”

“Aw, shit. Aw, hell.” His big hand came down on my back and rubbed. “You’ll get untwisted.”

“How?”

“No idea.”

I laughed. “You’re a big help.”

“Okay, try this. The heart knows what the heart knows.”

I turned to him. “That’s some flowery shit coming from you.”

“Courtesy of the wife. It’s what she used to tell me whenever Joey dragged home some yahoo I didn’t like the looks of. Like the idiot banker who followed her home one day like some determined puppy.”

“What’s it mean?”

“I think it means if you fall, you’re fucked. So you might as well enjoy yourself.”

“You know, that’s not bad advice, actually.”

“That’s me, always dispensing the knowledge. You want to hang around? Meredith’ll be home in time for dinner.”

“Nah. I should get back. But thanks.” I stood up, then considered him. “What happened with the idiot banker?”

“Turned out not to be such an idiot after all. Gave me three of the most precious grandkids on the planet.” He stood, too, then walked me around the house to my car. “You take care of that hip. And if this guys sticks, you bring him around. If there’s a man out there can trip you up, I want to meet him.”

I didn’t go to The Drake when I got back to Chicago. Instead, I went to my tiny apartment. I wanted time to think. To be alone. To let all the pieces come together in my head. What I knew. What I wanted.

And how there was no way over, around, or under the giant impasse that was cop versus criminal.

Even if Hernandez was right and I didn’t need to be slapping on the cuffs or ratting the guys out to Kevin, that didn’t change the fundamental nature of the problem—I’d fallen for a man I couldn’t have.

I wanted time alone.

I should have known that was too much to ask.

I opened my door, and found myself staring at Tyler, standing in my tiny kitchen brewing coffee, looking nine kinds of sexy in a white button-down and jeans.

“You broke in?” I said. “Well, why not? Just another crime to add to the list.”

“A minor one, all things considered.” His voice was smooth and held a hint of humor. I knew him well enough to know he was trying to keep a lid on my temper.

I wasn’t entirely sure it was going to work.

“I thought Cole was the one with the lock-picking skills.”

“No, I said it was one of Cole’s two skills. I don’t believe I discussed my many and varied skills at all.” He held up a mug. “Coffee is on the list.”

“Why are you here?” I asked wearily. I moved to the bed and sat on the edge, exhausted. I wanted to be angry, truly I did. I wanted to yell and rant and scream and rave. But I was just too damn tired and sad.

“Cole told me what happened.”

“Yeah, I kind of guessed that.”

“I never lied to you,” he said.

I exhaled. “No,” I said, “you didn’t. Skirted around the truth, but never lied. And I never looked. I was like one of those monkeys with their hands over their eyes, their mouth, and their ears. I only saw what I wanted to see.”

“You were only really looking at Destiny,” he said. “And it’s scrubbed clean. Evan insisted on that if he was going to remain a partner.”

I shook my head. “No. It wasn’t Destiny I was looking at.” I drew in a breath. “It was you. You filled my vision. Larger than life. Bold and sexy and exciting, and I lost myself in the shine. And now I’m afraid that I see you way too clearly.”

“So now you’re punishing me because I am what you thought I was all along?”

“Don’t,” I said, and now the temper was rising. “Don’t play games. Not now. Not with this. I’m a cop, and you know it. Maybe I’ve been living in a fantasy with you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m sworn to uphold the law.”

“You became a cop to punish yourself, Sloane. You made a cage out of the rules and the laws. But you don’t have to do that. You don’t need to be punished. Justice won that night, I promise you.”

I shook my head. “No. This isn’t about Harvey Grier—it’s not,” I said, though he had raised no protest. “It’s important to me, those rules, those codes. It’s my life.”

“And if I wanted you to be my life?”

His words, said so simply and plainly, were nothing more than a sucker punch. And I had to work not to shake. Not to cry out. Not to shout for him to please not say that again, because just the mere idea of it was too damn tempting—and I couldn’t afford to be tempted.

Slowly, when I thought I could manage it, I shook my head. “We both know that’s never going to happen.” I felt the tears behind my eyes, and as I sat with ramrod posture, I kept my eyes wide open, determined not to cry.

He stood by the sink, his eyes firmly on my face. “I have never wanted a woman the way I want you,” he said, his voice so full of promise and raw emotion that it almost broke me. “And I’ve never let a woman see into my cracks the way I have you. I understand your hesitations. I respect them. But know this. I’m damn well going to push against them.”

I ran my fingers through my hair. “I’m tired. And I’m confused. I want to be with you, but I don’t know how. I told you. This is the chasm, and I don’t see a way across. I mean, Christ, Tyler. You’re running an extortion scheme.”

“No,” he said. “Not extortion. Those tapes weren’t for money, but for protection.”

“What do you mean?”

“You might be surprised to know that not all politicians are fine, upstanding citizens. As it happens, the newly elected Alderman Bentley used to be a cog in a wheel that the guys and I ran.”

“The kind of wheel that I’d disapprove of?”

He hesitated only a second, then said flatly, “A money laundering scheme. Bentley was right in the thick of it. And that means he knows too much about our operation. And now that he’s an elected official, he may be inclined to try to use that information to gain pull.”

“Use it and he exposes himself.”

“Maybe. But it might be worth it to him.”

“But it wouldn’t be worth it if those pictures got out,” I said.

“That’s the plan. He stays quiet, the pictures are never released.”

“That doesn’t make it any less illegal.”

Tyler shrugged. “Not really my main concern.”

“What is?”

“Lately? Lately, it’s you.”

“Tyler …” I felt like a hand was squeezing tight around my heart.

“It’s true. It’s why I’m here running off at the mouth. Do you know how much I’m risking letting it out in the open? Because when you get right down to it, what I’ve told you could destroy us. And I’ve never been so careless before.”

“Why now?” I asked, both dreading and craving the answer.

“Because I’m an idiot,” he said. “I’m an idiot for falling in love with a cop.”

“Tyler.” Just one word, but it was full of passion and apology and, yes, love.

He moved from the kitchen to kneel in front of me. “This is more than a game to me, Sloane. And you’re more than just a prize. I want a woman who burns with me. Who melts into me. Who fits into all my hollow places. That’s you, Sloane. Do you see that? Do you know it? You’re my everything. You’re my whole world.”

I swallowed, overwhelmed with emotions—confusion, fear, love.

He rose up and brought his mouth to mine, his kiss both possessive and tender.

“I told you once I want no secrets between us,” he said, as he trailed his fingers up and down my arm. “I meant it. I want to tell you everything. I won’t bore you with a laundry list, but if you have questions, just ask.”

I had so many, but I didn’t know where to begin, or even if I wanted to ask them all. “You said Destiny was clean. But it wasn’t always, was it?”

“No,” he said.

“And it is now because of Evan. He gave it up for Angie, didn’t he? Because what he does could damage her father.”

“Yes. And I think the thrill was fading. He likes business, plain and simple. I like taking a different approach.”

“Could you do that, though?” I asked, realizing how much hope was lacing my voice. “Could you give it up?”

He was silent so long I thought he wasn’t going to answer. When he did, it wasn’t the response I’d expected. “Could you give up being a cop?”

“It’s not the same. I’m enforcing the law. You’re twisting it around to your liking. And you can’t do that. You can’t push the envelope and not expect to pay.” I licked my lips. “That’s the crux of it. I love you, too, Tyler. Desperately. It amazes me because it’s hit me so hard and so fast. But it’s true.” I sighed. “Even so, it’s not enough, because I don’t know how to get past this.”