“Adrian? Oh, congratulations on the baby!” Bill had told everyone about Sam, but those who knew him well thought he was strangely quiet. And they just figured he was tired after a long night with Adrian in labor. As it turned out, he had happened on the party completely by accident. After he left Adrian, he'd gone home, and then, needing to clear his mind, he had gone to the office. And he had arrived only slightly later than he should. It was as though, with or without her, he had been destined to get there.

“Is Bill there?” Finally, she had found him.

“He just left. He said there were some things he had to do. But it's a hell of a party.” The A.D. sounded more than a little drunk, and they were having such a good time, they hardly missed their guest of honor. He had slipped away, touched by what they'd done, but anxious to be alone. It had already been quite a birthday.

Adrian tried to call him at home again, but he had the machine on. She couldn't believe that he had just slipped through her fingers like that, or that he wasn't going to give her a chance to explain what had happened. He had always known that she wanted to contact Steven after the baby was born, but he hadn't expected to see him sitting next to Adrian, in her hospital room, holding the baby, and he had immediately made a brutally painful assumption. And as Adrian continued to lie in her hospital bed, waiting for him, she began to fear the worst when he never came back to see her. He must have been so angry at her that he didn't want to see her again, and there was nothing more she could do to find him. She couldn't leave her room, or the hospital, and she felt trapped and helpless.

She held the baby for most of the afternoon, and put him in his little bassinet next to her for the entire evening. When her dinner tray came, she sent it away, and she put the big blue bear in a chair, and sat looking sadly at his roses. And all she wanted was to see him and tell him how much she loved him.

“Would you like a sleeping pill?” the nurse asked at eight o'clock, but she only shook her head, and the nurse made a note on the chart about possible postpartum depression. They had noted the fact that she had eaten nothing for dinner or lunch, and she even seemed unexcited about nursing her baby. She was quiet and uncommunicative, and as soon as the nurse left the room, she dialed the apartment again, and the answering machine was still on, and she left an anguished message for him to call her.

She picked up the baby again, and held him close to her for a long time, looking at the tiny nose, the sleeping eyes, the perfect mouth, the tiny, gently curled fingers. He was so sweet and so tiny and so perfect, and she was so engrossed in watching him that she didn't hear the door whoosh open at nine o'clock, and he stood there for a long minute, watching her, willing himself not to feel anything for her or the baby, as she turned her head suddenly and saw him. Her breath caught, and without thinking, she reached out a hand, and then started to get out of bed, which wasn't entirely easy.

“Stay there,” he said gently, “don't get up. I just came to say good-bye.” He sounded cool and calm, and he walked closer to the bed, but he kept his distance. He looked remarkably dressed up, and somehow she sensed that it wasn't from the party. The party had been a surprise, and he had been wearing a sweatshirt and jeans for that, but now he looked as though he was dressed for something important. He was wearing an English tweed suit, a cream-colored shirt, and Hermes tie, and serious-looking brown shoes, and there was a winter coat over his arm, and suddenly she knew that he was going.

“Where are you going?” she asked worriedly, sensing instantly that everything had changed between them. All in a few hours, since that morning. Only twelve hours before they had been like one heart, one soul, and now he had torn himself away from her and he was leaving. But she knew why. She only wondered if she could heal the hurt she had caused him.

“I thought I'd go to New York to see the boys for a few days.” He glanced at his watch. “I have to leave in a few minutes, to catch the red-eye.” She felt her heart sink as she looked at him, and all she could feel was panic, and a desperate fear that she would lose him. It almost took her breath away as she watched him look uncomfortably around the room and then back at her, but he seemed anxious to avoid looking at the baby.

“Do the boys know you're coming?”

“No,” he said somberly. “I thought I'd surprise them.”

“How long will you be gone?” She didn't know what to say to him, except to tell him that she was sorry, that she'd been a fool, that she shouldn't have cared what Steven thought, that he was a jerk, and she was, too, and that she loved Bill more than life itself, and Sam was going to grow up to be their baby … if he stayed, if only Bill would stay … if only he would forgive her.

“I don't know how long I'll be,” he answered, holding his coat in his arms and looking at her longingly. “A week …two … I thought maybe I'd take them on a little vacation after they get back from Vermont, if Leslie will let me….” He was always at the mercy of someone else to get to the people he loved …Leslie, Adrian …Steven …but he couldn't let himself think of that now. It would just be good to see the boys again, and get out of California. He'd had enough. He needed a break. And his birthday present to himself was to get out of town and let someone else take care of his problems. They had plenty of scripts to work with while he was gone, and if they couldn't figure it out, they could invent it.

“I hired a nurse for you, by the way. She'll come in by the day, or stay overnight if you need her, when you leave the hospital. I didn't meet her myself, but the agency said she's terrific.” He thought of everything, and Adrian's eyes welled up with tears as he said it.

“You didn't have to do that. I can take care of myself.”

“I thought you might need help with the baby. Unless …” He hadn't even thought of that, and then he looked at her curiously, feeling even more foolish. “…Are you going back to my place, or Steven's?” She realized then what he thought, and her heart ached for him. And it was all her fault, which made her feel even worse for the pain she had caused him.

“I'm not going to Steven. Now or ever. I'm not going anywhere with him.” She said it so absolutely that he looked at her very strangely.

“I got the impression this morning that … I thought … I knew you were going to call him,” he explained. “I just didn't know you were going to do it quite so soon. I should have been prepared for that,” he said quietly, “but I wasn't. It took me by surprise when I walked in on the three of you …and I was so excited about Sam and everything, and …” He looked so sad as he looked at her that the tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked at him and then down at the baby.

“I just wanted to get it over with …I know it was wrong of me, but I wanted him to see the baby …and release him, spiritually, or give him his blessing, or something. I don't know what I thought, I don't know what crazy delusions I've had all this time about owing Steven something because of the baby. Maybe I felt guilty about taking something so wonderful from him and walking off with it, and maybe even sharing it with you. But the truth is, he doesn't even realize what having a baby is. He doesn't know what love is. And to him the baby is nothing more than a hardship. He's a jerk and a fool, and I was an even bigger one to even marry him in the first place.” She looked miserably at Bill and started to sob, as she held the baby, and suddenly the baby started to wail, too, and Bill put his coat down and rushed forward to help her.

“Here, let me do it …” He was calm and smooth and his hands were sure as she watched him. “Is he hungry?”

“I don't know. I nursed him a little while ago, but I don't think he's figured it out yet.”

“Maybe he's wet.” He checked expertly, and then deftly wrapped him up tightly again in the blanket while she silently marveled at how good he was at everything he touched, from screenplays to souffles to babies. “He just wanted to be wrapped up tight again, I think. You kind of let him get unwound. They like to be all bundled up, like a cocoon. Here, I'll show you.” He gave her a quick demonstration and handed the baby back to her with sure hands, while she blew her nose and thanked him.

“I don't know what I was thinking of when I called Steven. But as soon as he was here, I knew it was a mistake, and then you walked in, and before I could say anything, you were gone again.” She started crying all over again, and a nurse walked in and shook her head again, thinking that Adrian was definitely manifesting the early signs of postpartum depression. Either that or her husband was giving her a hard time, but there was something going on here. “And I tried to call you all day,” Adrian went on, “and I couldn't find you anywhere!” she said accusingly. “And today was your birthday!”

“I know it was.” He smiled. She looked so pathetic and so upset, and so childlike with a blue bow in her hair. She looked like a teenager, holding someone else's baby. “But it was so damn awkward when I walked into the room and he was here. I didn't expect him. And it just all looked so cozy.”

“Well, it was very moving at first,” she explained, wishing Bill would sit down, but she didn't want to suggest it for fear that he'd remember he had to catch the red-eye. “He looked at the baby as though he'd never seen one. But he's such a goddam horse's ass, and so pompous. I don't think he's ever loved anyone or anything in his life, except maybe his tennis racket or his Porsche. He was 'willing to forgive me for betraying him, and take me and the baby back on a trial basis.' Can you imagine?” She was still angry when she said it.