“I don't know.” She was impressed by everything he'd said. And she loved him more than ever. She wanted to go to him now, but she still felt she had to wait. But he was right too. It wasn't fair to expect him to wait forever.

“What sounds fair to you? A week? A month? A year? Do you want to give him a month after the baby's born, and just make sure via his attorneys that he still doesn't want any contact with the child? Does that sound reasonable?” He was trying to be fair, too, but she was driving him crazy.

“I'm not going to go back to him,” she explained. There was no longer any doubt in her mind. But sometimes Bill wasn't as sure. He still worried about it when she talked about being fair to him. And women were odd sometimes about the men who had fathered their children, they gave them more understanding, more leeway. It wasn't that way with men, who could never be entirely sure who their children were. But women could. They knew. And he wondered if in some ways, she would feel bound to Steven forever through their baby. He hoped not. But she couldn't answer that yet either. “It's just the baby, Bill …it's just …”

“I know … I know … I understand …you just scare me sometimes.” He sat down next to her on the bed and there were tears in his eyes now too. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said softly as he kissed her.

“Shall we give it a month then? A month after the baby's born. We contact the bastard after the baby comes, we give him a month to change his mind, and after that we forget him forever? Is that a deal?”

She nodded somberly. It sounded reasonable to her, and it was more than Steven deserved. He had signed the termination papers after all …termination …dissolution …it sounded almost like a murder, and in some ways it had been. In some ways what he had done to her had almost killed her. But on the other hand, Bill had saved her. And for that she would be eternally grateful. In truth, she owed Bill far more. And yet …Steven had been her husband. It was all so damn confusing. To whom did she owe the greatest loyalties? To whom did she owe the most? To Bill because he'd been there for her …and yet …she hated herself for feeling torn, but she did. In her heart, there was only one. But in her mind, there were always two. And that was the problem. But they had agreed on a month after the baby was born. And that seemed fair to her too. And after that, the door would be closed to Steven forever. For her, and the baby. He didn't even know it, but she was giving him a gift of time and choice that he hadn't even wanted.

“And then you'll marry me?” Bill pressed her, and she nodded with a shy smile. “Are you sure?” She nodded again, and then looked down demurely and spoke in a whisper.

“I have a confession to make first.”

“Oh, shit. Now what?” He was at his wits' end. It had been a long night and he was tired.

“I lied to you.” He was getting worried as she went on, barely able to look at him.

“About what?”

He could hardly hear the words as she confessed. “I'm not really a virgin.”

There was a long silence, and he scowled at her with a look of immense relief as she suppressed a giggle. “Slut!” he growled at her, and then, in spite of himself and the remorse he knew he would feel afterward, he made love to her again, and when it was over, they slept peacefully in each other's arms until morning.





ADRIAN HAD THE DAY OFF ON CHRISTMAS DAY, AND they stayed in bed for a long time, dozing and snuggling and then the phone rang at nine-fifteen. It was Adam and Tommy, calling from Stowe, where they were skiing with their mother. They were both excited and full of life, and after they hung up, Adrian smiled and wished Bill a merry Christmas. They both leapt out of bed, and went to their respective hiding places and came back with their arms laden with brightly wrapped presents. His were all wrapped by stores, and hers were wrapped the way she cooked. But he loved everything she gave him. He was crazy about the television and the phone, and he put the sweater on under a red leather baseball jacket she had bought him just two days before when she was walking down Melrose.