“If you bring it in to work today, I'll pick it up sometime before work tomorrow morning. My good one just broke.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.” She tried to sound up, so he wouldn't know how depressed she had been. “How's the rest of you?”

“Fine.” He sounded cool. “You?”

“I'm okay. I miss you.”

“Apparently not enough. Unless something's happened I don't know about.” He went right back to the same point. There was no compromise, no change, no sign of his relenting, and Adrian wondered suddenly if Zelda was wrong, and their marriage was actually over. It was difficult to believe, but so was his moving out because of the baby.

“I'm sorry you still feel that way, Steven. Do you want to come over this weekend and talk?”

“There's nothing to talk about, unless you've changed your mind.” It was almost childish the way he kept insisting that she get an abortion, “or else.”

“So now what? We live like this forever and I send you an announcement when the baby is born?” She was being facetious, but he wasn't.

“Maybe so. I thought we should wait awhile, to see if you feel any differently in the next few weeks. And if you decide to … to go ahead …then I'll start looking for an apartment.”

“You're serious, aren't you?” She still couldn't believe it.

“I am. And I think you know that. You know me well enough to know that I'm not going to play games for long, Adrian. Make up your mind and let me know so we can both get on with our lives. This isn't healthy for either of us.” She couldn't believe it. He wanted to be notified as soon as possible so he could start dating and look for an apartment. She just couldn't believe it.

“It certainly isn't healthy. And it will certainly be interesting to explain to your son or daughter.” But the barb didn't hit its mark. He didn't seem to care what she told them.

“Why don't we let it rest for a few weeks and you can let me know how you feel by then. I'm going to New York next week, and back to Chicago after that. In fact, I'm going to be traveling a lot in the next few weeks. Why don't we leave it until mid-June. That gives you a month to figure out what you want to do.” She wanted to kill herself, that was what she wanted to do … or kill him …she didn't want to wait until June while he decided whether or not he wanted to divorce her.

“You're really ready to throw away two and half years over a temper tantrum?”

“Is that all you think it is? Then you don't understand very much, do you, Adrian? It's a question of life's goals, and yours and mine are apparently very different.”

“You're right, I'm not willing to sell my soul, or my child, for a new stereo and a trip to Europe. This isn't a game show we're talking about. This is our lives, and our child. I keep saying that to you, but I don't really think you hear me.”

“I hear you, Adrian. But I don't agree with what you're saying. I'll talk to you in a few weeks.” And then, “Call me if you have a change of heart in the meantime.”

“How will I find you?” And what if there was an emergency or if she needed him? He was still her next of kin on all her papers. That made her feel panicky too. Everything did. She felt totally abandoned.

“Call my office, they'll know where I am.”

“Lucky them,” she said sarcastically.

“Don't forget my razor.”

“Yeah …sure …” He hung up then and she sat in her kitchen for a long time, thinking of what he had said, and wondering if she'd ever known him. She was beginning to doubt it.

She brought the razor to the office that day and the next day it was gone. He had picked it up that night and hadn't left so much as a note for her, but she didn't say anything about it to anyone. Not even Zelda. And she hadn't told anyone at work that Steven had left her. It was too embarrassing. And when they got back together in a few weeks, it would be less awkward if no one had known he'd been gone, except Zelda.

And when Zelda heard about the call, she assured Adrian that he would come to his senses in no time.

But in the meantime, the weekends were endless. He didn't call, and suddenly Adrian realized that she was so used to being with him that she didn't know what to do without him anymore. And Zelda had her own life to lead. She had a new twenty-four-year-old boyfriend, who was a model. And as concerned as she was about Adrian, she was busy with her own life, and Adrian didn't want to be a bother.

It was quiet while Adrian knew Steven was away, and in some ways it was restful. She stopped expecting to hear from him, or to run into him. She didn't lie in bed hoping he'd come to the apartment to pick something up, or turn up in her office to tell her that he'd been a fool and he was desperately sorry. She knew he was back in Chicago by then, and she hadn't heard from him in weeks, but maybe when he came back, they could finally sort things out and get back to the business of living.

In the meantime, she felt as though everything was on hold. She worked, she ate, she slept, she didn't go anywhere, she didn't go out. She didn't even go to a movie. She'd been back to see the doctor once, and he told her the pregnancy was progressing well, and everything was normal. Everything except the fact that her husband had left her, she thought to herself. But she was relieved that the baby was all right. It had come to mean everything to her now, it was all she had left …one tiny little being to love … a being who wasn't even born yet. She got so lonely once or twice, she was even tempted to call her parents, but she resisted the urge, and she had lunch at work with Zelda from time to time. At least she knew, and Adrian could talk about the baby.

She ran into Bill Thigpen at work, too, and now that they had officially met, they seemed to run into each other everywhere, in the elevator, the parking lot, and they had even run into each other again at the Safeway. She had run into him at the apartment complex, too, and he didn't tell her he had seen her husband leaving their town house several weeks before with a staggering amount of luggage. He knew he had to be going somewhere but he didn't ask where, and Adrian didn't mention it when they saw each other at the pool. Instead they talked for a long time about favorite books and movies they had loved, and he told her about his children. It was obvious that he was crazy about them and she was touched by the way he spoke about them.

“They must be very important to you.”

“They are. They're the best thing in my life.” He smiled at Adrian, admiring her as she put on more suntan oil. She looked happier than she had when he'd run into her before, and somehow more peaceful, but she still seemed very quiet. He wondered if she was always like that, or if she was just a little shy with strangers.

“You don't have kids, do you?” He assumed she hadn't, because he had never seen any with her, and she hadn't mentioned it, and she would have surely said something if she had children. Most people in the complex didn't. There were a few couples with newborns, but usually they moved out and bought larger homes after they had babies.

“No.” She seemed to hesitate and he looked at her, wondering if there was more to the story. “No, we don't. I …we …we've both been pretty busy working.”

He nodded, wondering what it would really be like to be friends with her. He hadn't been friends with a woman in a purely platonic way in a very long time, and in an odd way, there were times when she reminded him of Leslie. She had the same kind of seriousness and intensity, the same decent values about many things. And Bill found himself wondering more than once if he would like her husband. Maybe they could all be friends. All he had to do was forget that he thought she was sensational-looking and had a really sexy body.

He forced himself to look into her eyes then and discuss her future in the newsroom. It was one way to forget how she looked in her bathing suit, and the fact that he would have given anything to lean over and kiss her.

“When is your husband coming back?” he asked conversationally, and she looked startled by the question. She hadn't known that Bill knew he was gone. Maybe she'd said something, she thought, as she wondered.

“Pretty soon,” she said quietly. “He's in Chicago.”

And when he came back, they were going to try and settle, once and for all, the matter of their marriage. It was no small thing, and she was both dreading his return and looking forward to it. She was dying to see him, but she was also dreading telling him that she had had no change of heart about the baby. The baby was part of her now, and it was going to stay that way, until it was born. And she knew Steven wasn't going to be happy to hear it.

She heard from Steven finally the second Monday in June, at nine o'clock, almost the moment she got to the office. Her secretary said he was on the line, and she pounced on it. She had waited almost a month for his call, and there were tears in her eyes when she heard his voice, she was so happy. But he didn't sound friendly, He asked how she was, and seemed to be asking pointedly about her health. She knew what he wanted to know and she decided to face it squarely.

“Steven, I'm still pregnant, and I'm going to stay that way.”

“I thought so,” and then, “I'm sorry to hear that.” It was a cruel thing for him to say but it was honest. “You haven't changed your mind, then?”

She shook her head as the tears spilled from her eyes and rolled slowly down her cheeks. “No, I haven't. But I'd love to see you.”

“I don't think that's such a good idea. It'll just confuse both of us.” Why was he so afraid of her? Why was he doing this? She still didn't understand it.

“What's a little confusion between friends?” She laughed through her tears, and tried to keep things light, but they just weren't.