Jill Shalvis - Head Over Heels

He gripped the headboard again, tight enough to turn his knuckles white. “Christ, Chloe. You’re killing me.”

Ditto, she thought, transfixed as the sight of him spread out for her viewing pleasure now, so perfectly in proportion from head to toe and all the glorious spots in between. Wrapping her fingers around the base of his hot, silky length, she licked him delicately, then not so delicately, until he shuddered and slid his fingers back into her hair to pull her away. “God, Chloe. You’re going to make me-”

“That’s the idea.”

“Not yet.” He grabbed her, hauling her up his taut, heated body until she was straddling him. She gave a little wriggle to get him right where she…wanted…him-

“Oh no, you don’t.” Gripping her hips, he held her still. “I want you to stay with me this time.”

“I’m with you,” she promised. “All the way with you. My lungs are good, see?” She inhaled as deep as she could and let it out.

“Good. Keep doing that, keep breathing,” he ordered softly. “I’ll do the rest.” Biceps flexing, he lifted her up and then allowed her to sink onto him, and exquisite pleasure washed through her as he slid home.

“Your pace,” he said. He sounded a little rough and strained, but his hands loosened their grip on her.

Her pace. Normally she’d kick into gear, desperate to get to the finish before it was too late and she couldn’t. But he’d already proven that she didn’t have to rush. So for the first time, she set an achingly slow rhythm, letting herself get lost in his eyes as she moved on him, feeling each emotion as it shimmered through her.

Love or lust?

Hard to tell. For all she’d done in her life, she’d had little experience with either. But it’d be nice to know which had driven them to this, which was fueling the passion between them, suspending her in a timeless beat. Sawyer’s chest was rising and falling quickly, as if he’d just finished a run. Watching him fight to control himself was a huge turn-on.

It was her, she realized, her making him pant. Her eyes drifted closed as a sweet climax washed over her. She heard herself cry out, and then Sawyer’s low, ragged answering groan as he joined her.

When she opened her eyes, she was lying on top of him, clinging to him with a quiet desperation that surprised her.

“You okay?” he asked, his incredibly sexy voice rumbling up from his chest where her face was plastered.

Since words were still beyond her, she nodded.

He lifted her head to look into her eyes. “Sure?”

She licked her lips. “Yes,” she managed in a croak.

“Okay, good. Maybe you could loosen the grip just a little?”

She realized it wasn’t just her arms and legs gripping him, but that her fingers were digging into his back. “Oh! I’m sorry!” She started to sit up, but he tightened his grip on her. “Just the nails,” he murmured, his hands soothing her, holding her still. “The rest stays.”

She relaxed again. Actually, slumped bonelessly against him was more like it. She had no idea how much time passed, but when she surfaced again, he was cradling her against his side, lightly stroking her back from the nape of her neck down her spine, over her bottom and the backs of her thighs, then up again as their breathing slowed.

Love or lust? she asked herself again. And if she asked him, would he have any more of an idea than she? No. She didn’t want to know. Because maybe it was a little bit of both. And besides, it wasn’t a question that needed answering now. She’d just take their odd mix of frustration, heat, affection, and desire and…enjoy it.

For as long as it lasted.

She lifted her head again to look at him. His eyes were closed, body relaxed, all the tension gone from his face. Feeling her gaze, he opened his eyes. “It’s good to be inhaler worthy,” he said.

She grinned. “I didn’t even need it, not during, not once.”

Reaching up, he tugged on a strand of her hair, mouth quirking into a smile. “I noticed.”

The joy of it surged through her, and she sat up, unable to contain herself. “I got an orgasm, and it didn’t cost me a thing.”

“I’m a regular blue-light special,” he said, shaking his head in amusement. “And you even got a twofer.”

This was true. “And no asthma attack,” she murmured, still marveling at that. “No ER visit.”

Nothing to stop them…

Clearly realizing this at the same time, he rolled her beneath him, pressing her into the mattress, his expression dialed to Wicked Intent.

He was hard, and she shivered with anticipation. “Again, Sawyer?”

“Oh yeah,” he said, dipping his head to kiss her breast. “And then again.”

Chloe slipped out of Sawyer’s bed and scooped up her clothes. Sawyer came up on his elbow to watch her dress, hair tousled, eyes sleepy, looking for all the world like a lazy, sated wild cat.

“Gotta get back to the B &B,” she told him, torn between getting under his sheets again and facing her responsibilities. “Jax is working on the spa room today. And I’m bringing Lance some lunch and a chest rub. If Renee’s there, I’m going to spend some time teaching her how to make it for him. Oh, and we have a guest. A runaway bride, actually. She’s been with us a few days and I’ve been giving her spa treatments to cheer her up. I promised her I’d give her a body wrap today before I head to Seattle. I’m giving facials at some bachelorette party thingy at the Four Seasons.”

She’d pulled on her panties and was wriggling into her bra when Sawyer rolled out of bed and headed toward her with that singular-minded intent of his.

The wild cat once again stalking his prey.

“Oh no,” she said with a laugh, backing up. “I told you I’m busy today.” She pointed at him. “Stay.”

“Stay?”

“Yes.” She put a hand to his broad chest, feeling the strength of him beneath her palm. It was ridiculous to think that she could push him around. Except he’d given her all the power she’d wanted in his bed, and at the thought, her nipples got perky.

Sensing capitulation, he reached for her but she evaded. “I don’t know what this is exactly,” she said on a shaky laugh. “But for two polar opposites, we sure get along in the sack.” Turning away, she picked up her shirt.

“We’re not all that different, you know,” he said.

She turned back to him and saw that he was serious. He’d found a pair of jeans and had them pulled up but not yet buttoned. Buttery soft, they fit him perfectly, lovingly cupping one of her very favorite parts of him. “Okay, so maybe we’re both…well, sort of single,” she allowed. “Alone.”

He looked at her for a long moment. “You like believing that, I think. That you’re on your own.”

“I am on my own.”

“And your sisters are what, chopped liver?”

“Noooo,” she said slowly, not sure how they’d gotten so off track. “I mean I’ve been on my own until recently. Sometimes I forget that I have them.”

“And not just them,” he said. “There’s Jax and Ford now as well.”

“And Jax and Ford,” she agreed, looking around for her shoes, trying not to notice that he hadn’t included himself.

“And the people of Lucky Harbor who care about you,” he said. “Lance, Tucker. Amy. Lucille.”

She nodded again, fighting back…what? A growing resentment, she realized. Which was ridiculous. He didn’t owe her anything, certainly no pretty meaningless words that she’d doubt anyway. “Fine. I stand corrected. I’m not alone. But thinking otherwise is a hard habit to break.”

“Because you like thinking it.”

She shoved her feet into her shoes and turned to him, hands on hips. “Are you suggesting I like being a martyr?”

“No, I’m suggesting that I don’t buy the alone thing, and neither do you.”

Okay, definitely time to go. She turned to the bedroom door again, needing out. She hadn’t had an asthma attack when he’d been buried inside her, but she was closing in on one now.

“And me,” he said quietly to her back. “Are you going to leave me off your list?”

Chloe dropped her forehead to the wood. “You want on the list?” Her voice was strong. Which was good. Because she felt small. Small and weak, and wasn’t sure she could face him. And dammit, when had she become a coward?

She wasn’t. She was just a realist.

“I care about you,” he said.

Her heart skipped a beat, and she turned to him, letting out the question that she could no longer contain. “What’s happening here, Sawyer?”

He drew a deep breath and slowly shook his head. “I don’t know.”

Well, at least he was honest. “Maybe I need to know.”

“Do you?” There was no amusement in his expression, no mockery in his voice. He was asking her to think about how deep she wanted to dig, how much she truly wanted to hear.

She nibbled on her lower lip and fought with herself. A part of her wanted to admit that yes, she needed to know how he felt about her, that she was, in fact, dying to know if he was as flummoxed as she was over what was happening between them. She needed to know that she was more than a good time to him, that he thought about her, ached for her like she was coming to ache so desperately for him.

But the other part of her, the stubborn, cynical part, refused to ask. Because that would be putting herself out there, laying herself bare before him, and she didn’t do that. Ever.

“Chloe,” he said softly, watching her carefully. “You can’t even tell your sisters how you feel about them. If I told you how I felt, you’d-”

“Have an asthma attack?” She put her hand to her very tight chest. “Dammit.”