For my part, I had more important things to worry about than a stupid hot tub party.
Except that CeeCee and Adam wanted to go out after school to celebrate my victory - which really had turned out to be a hollow one, since my adversary had basically been kicked out of school. But Adam produced a bottle of sparkling cider for the occasion, and I couldn't say no to that, of course. He and CeeCee had both worked so hard on my campaign, to which I had contributed exactly nothing - well, except for a single slogan. I felt guilty enough that I rode with them to the beach after school, and stayed there long enough to toast the sunset, a custom dating back to the first time I'd won a student election, way back when I'd first moved to Carmel, eight months earlier.
When I got home, I discovered several things. One: some of the guests had started arriving early, among them Debbie Mancuso, who had always had a bit of a crush on Brad, ever since the night I caught the two of them making out in the pool house one time at Kelly Prescott's. And two: she knew all about Jesse.
Or at least she thought she did.
"So who's this guy Brad says you're seeing, Suze?" she wanted to know, as she stood at the kitchen counter, artfully stacking plastic cups in preparation for the keg's arrival. Brad was outside with a couple of his cronies, giving the hot tub a heavy dose of chlorine, no doubt in anticipation of all the bacteria it was going to become filled with, once some of his more unsavory friends slid into it.
Debbie was in full-on party wear, which included a midriff-baring halter top and these balloony harem pants that I guess she thought hid the size of her butt, which was not small, but that really only made it look bigger. I don't like to be disparaging of members of my own sex, but Debbie Mancuso really was a bit of a parasite. She had been sucking Kelly dry for years. I just hoped she wouldn't turn her suckers on me next.
"Just a guy," I said coolly, moving past her to get a diet soda from the fridge. I was going to need a heavy-duty caffeine buzz, I knew, to fortify myself for the evening - first confronting Jesse, then the party.
"Does he go to RLS?" Debbie wanted to know.
"No," I said, cracking open the soda. Brad had, I saw, removed the note from Andy and my mom. Well, it was a little embarrassing, I guess. "He isn't in high school."
Debbie's eyes widened. She was impressed. "Really? He's in college, then? Does Jake know him?"
"No," I said.
When I did not elaborate, Debbie went, "That was really weird today, huh? About that Paul guy, I mean."
"Yeah," I said. I wondered whether or not Jesse was upstairs, waiting for me, or if he was just going to leave without saying good-bye. The way things had been going lately, I was betting on the latter.
"I kind of ... I mean, some of the girls were saying ..." Debbie, never the most articulate of people, seemed to be having more trouble than usual spitting out what she wanted to say. "That that Paul guy seems to ... like you."
"Yeah?" I smiled without warmth. "Well, at least someone does."
Then I drifted up the stairs to my room.
On my way up, I met David, coming down. He was carrying a sleeping bag, backpack, and the laptop he had won at computer camp for designing the most progressive video game. Max trailed on a leash behind him.
"Where are you going?" I asked him.
"Todd's house," he said. Todd was David's best friend. "He said Max and I could stay the night. I mean, it's not like anybody's going to be able to get any sleep around here tonight."
"A wise decision," I said approvingly.
"You should do the same thing," David suggested. "Stay over at CeeCee's."
"I would," I said, saluting him with my soda. "But I have a little business to attend to here."
David shrugged. "Okay. But don't say I didn't warn you."
Then he and Max continued down the stairs.
I was not surprised to find that Jesse was not in my room when I got there. Coward. I kicked off my slides, went into the bathroom, and locked the door. Not that locked doors make any difference to ghosts. And not that Jesse was going to show up anyway. I just felt more secure that way.
Then I ran a bath, undressed, and sank into it, letting the warm water caress my battered feet and soothe my tired body. Too bad there was nothing I could do to comfort my aching heart. Chocolate might have helped, maybe, but I didn't happen to have any in my bathroom.
The worst part of it all was that, deep down, I knew Father Dom was right about Jesse's moving out. It was better this way. I mean, what was the alternative? That he stayed here, and I just kept pining away for him? Unrequited love is all right in books and things, but in real life, it completely sucks.
It was just that - "and this was the part that hurt the most - I could have sworn, all those weeks ago when he'd kissed me, that he'd felt something for me. Really. And I'm not talking about what I'd felt for Paul, which was, let's face it, lust. I'm warm for the guy's form, 111 admit it. But I don't love him.
I'd been so sure - so, so sure - that Jesse loved me.
But, obviously, I'd been wrong. Well, I was wrong most of the time. So what else was new?
After I'd soaked for a while, I got out of the tub. I rebandaged my feet, then slid into my most comfortable, hole-filled jeans, the ones my mom told me I was never allowed to wear in public and was always threatening to throw away, coupled with a faded black silk T.
Then I walked back into my room, and found Jesse sitting in his usual place on the window seat, Spike on his lap.
He knew. I saw with a single glance that he knew Father Dom had talked to me and that he was just waiting - warily - to see what my reaction was going to be.
Not wanting to disappoint him, I said very politely, "Oh, you're still here? I thought you would have moved to the rectory by now."
"Susannah," he said. His voice was as low as Spikes got when he growled at Max through my bedroom door.
"Don't let me stop you," I said. "I hear there's going to be a lot of action over at the mission tonight. You know, getting ready for the big feast tomorrow. Lots of pinatas left to stuff, I hear. You should have a blast."
I heard the words coming out of my mouth, but I swear I don't know where they were coming from. I had told myself, back in the tub, that I was going to be mature and sensible about the whole thing. And here I was being peevish and childish, and it wasn't even a minute into the conversation.
"Susannah," Jesse said, standing up. "You must know it's better this way."
"Oh," I said with a shrug to show him how very, very unconcerned I was with the whole thing. "Sure. Give my regards to Sister Ernestine."
He just stood there, looking at me. I couldn't read his expression. If I'd ever been able to, I'd have known better than to have let myself fall in love with him. You know, on account of the whole his-not-loving-me-back thing. His eyes were dark - as dark as Paul's were light - and inscrutable.
"So that's all," he said, sounding, for reasons I couldn't begin to fathom, angry. "That's all you have to say to me?"
I couldn't believe it. He had some gall! Imagine, him being mad at me't
"Yes," I said. Then I remembered something. "Oh, no, wait."
The dark eyes flashed. "Yes?"
"Craig," I said. "I forgot about Craig. How is he doing?"
The dark eyes were hooded once again. Jesse seemed almost disappointed. As if he had anything to feel disappointed about! / was the one whose heart was being ripped out of her chest.
"He's the same," Jesse said. "Unhappy about being dead. If you want, I can have Father Dominic - "
"Oh," I said. "I think you and Father Dominic have done quite enough. I’ll handle Craig, I think, on my own."
"Fine," Jesse said shortly.
"Fine," I said.
"Well. . . ." The dark-eyed gaze bore into mine. "Good-bye, Susannah."
"Yeah," I said. "See you around."
But Jesse didn't move. Instead, he did something I completely was not expecting. He reached one hand out and touched my face.
"Susannah," he said. His dark eyes - each one containing a tiny star of white where my bedroom light reflected off them - bore into mine. "Susannah, I - "
Only I never did find out what Jesse was going to say next, because the door to my bedroom suddenly swung open.
"Pardon me for interrupting," Paul Slater said.
16
Paul. I had forgotten all about him. Forgotten about him and just what, exactly, he and I had been up to these past few days.
Which was a lot of stuff I did not particularly want Jesse to know about.
"Knock much?" I asked Paul, hoping he would not notice the panic in my voice as Jesse and I pulled apart.
"Well," Paul said, looking pretty smug for a guy who'd been suspended from school that day. "I heard all the hilarity and figured you had guests. I didn't realize, of course, that you were entertaining Mr. De Silva."
Jesse, I saw, was meeting Paul's sardonic gaze with a pretty hostile stare of his own. "Slater."
Jesse said in a not particularly friendly voice.
"Jesse," Paul said pleasantly. "How are you this evening?"
"I was doing better," Jesse said, "before you got here."
Paul's dark eyebrows rose, as if he were surprised to hear this. "Really? Suze didn't tell you the news, then?"
"What n - " Jesse started to ask, but I interrupted quickly.
"About the shifting?" I actually stepped in front of Jesse, as if by doing so I could shield him from what I had a very bad feeling Paul was about to do. "And the soul transference thing? No, I haven't had a chance to tell Jesse about all that yet. But I will. Thanks for stopping by."
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