Jillian Dodd - Hate Me

Damian:  Still, it’s Christmas. I don’t want you to be alone. 

Me:  I have to be, Damian. I’m a big girl. I’ll be fine. I promise.

Girls dancing.

1:30am

We all meet up outside the chapel and get everyone into Stockton’s for the party. I brought my cotton candy vodka and Maggie brought her cookie dough vodka as well as some chocolate cookies she got from her dorm secret Santa.

When we turn the lights on, we find a Christmas tree decorated with boas, mini airplane bottles of alcohol, and condom packages.

“This is going to be the best Christmas party ever!” Logan declares.

Aiden is standing behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist. “A little different from our Christmas tree, huh?”

“Yeah, a little,” I laugh. “Did you bring the dice game? I think that will be fun to play after we drink a little.”

“You told me you used to get on the bar and dance. You gonna do that tonight?”

I look at the long bar, knowing it wouldn’t take much convincing to get the girls up there with me. “Do you want me to dance for you, Aiden?”

He spins me around. “What do you think?”

“I think you liked it.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“And you won’t get mad at me?”

“Why would I get mad at you?”

“Other guys will be looking at me.”

Aiden puts his hand behind my neck, moving my face close to his. He kisses the tip of my nose and says, “They can look all they want. They just can’t touch.”

“You’re pretty cool,” I tell him. “But maybe you should get up there and dance for me?”

“Hmmm, I would,” he points down. “But I have this bum leg. And I’m trying to get it healed for tomorrow night.”

“Are you going to tell me about tomorrow night?”

“Maybe after a few drinks.”

I go behind the bar and pour a round of shots. “Shot time!” I yell.

Everyone takes a glass and holds their shot in the air.

“Everyone do a toast,” I say. “I’ll go first. Here’s to a very naughty Christmas.”

Dallas says, “Here’s to giving the dean’s secretary a chocolate dick.”

Annie holds her shot up high and says, “Here’s to trying new things.”

Jake wraps his arm around her and kisses her while Riley says, “Here’s to pink furry handcuffs that I can’t wait to use.” He grabs Ariela’s ass and goes, “Grr, baby, grr.”

Ariela raises her shot higher. “And here’s to a leopard print Tuggie I can’t wait to laugh at.”

“And strip off me,” Riley yells.

“I think we need to drink this. Drink!”

Everyone downs the shots. We pour more and continue our toasts.

Logan says, “Here’s to Stockton’s!”

Aiden clinks Logan’s glass and says, “And to girls dancing on the bar!”

The guys look up at the bar and then at us. Aiden grins at me.

Riley says to Aiden very seriously, “Are there dancing girls coming tonight?”

“Keatyn is going to dance on the bar. Maggie, too.”

“I am?” Maggie says.

I grab her and pull her up on the bar with me.

“Music?”

Logan blasts some dance music and Maggie and I start dancing. 

After a few songs, Aiden walks up to the bar and holds his hand out to me.

I smile at him and jump off the bar. He leads me back behind the black curtain to the bed. “I told everyone that it’s hard for me to sit with the boot on, so Riley suggested I lie down here.”

“So, you just want to lie down?” I ask, closing the curtain and crawling on top of him.

“No. I’d like to do what we did the other night. Before you moved off.”

“Here?”

“You asked what I wanted to do. That’s what I want. But I don’t want to do that here. And the party is just getting going. We can’t really leave yet.”

“Aiden, tomorrow night after the dance. You want to, right? I mean you don’t have to give away any surprises about what you have planned, but I also need to be mentally prepared. Like if you don’t want to, it’s okay, but I don’t want to think you do and then be disappointed if we don’t. But if you tell me now that you don’t . . .”

Aiden puts his finger up to my lips. “Shush.”

“I’m kind of freaking out about this.”

He moves his finger and shushes me with his lips. When he stops kissing me, he says, “I definitely want to.”

“I do too,” I say, laying my head on his shoulder. “And I can’t wait.”

The party, filled with beer pong, naughty dice, smoking, and a lot of fun, continues until almost dawn. Aiden keeps yawning, so I pull him on the bed with me and go to sleep.

Trying to hang on.

11:30am

We wake up around ten, go back to our dorms, and start packing up for winter break.

“It seems like we just got here,” Katie says sadly. “I can’t believe it’s already Christmas.”

“I know. It’s gone so fast.”

“I love it here,” she says.

“I do too. Are you and Bryce doing anything over break?”

“Yeah, he’s coming to my parent’s cabin after Christmas to ski and spend New Year’s together. What about you?”

“Aiden’s going to the Caribbean with his family, but we’re spending New Year’s together.” I grab my suitcase and some shopping bags full of gifts. “I’m going to run these out to my car.”

I load them up and then head back to my dorm. Cooper is standing outside.

“I just texted you,” he says. “My friend texted Vincent’s assistant. She said she couldn’t leave early. That her boss had just gotten a horrible threatening photo and had thrown it against the wall, then made her clean up all the glass.”

“So he was mad. Then what did he do?”

“Left his office and had dinner with two of his investors. Trying to hang onto his company.”

“We need to plan what we’re going to do next. I’d like to go back next Thursday but with filming, I can’t.”

“I think the company takeover stuff is enough for now. Your mom’s movie is still getting a ton of buzz. So, you’re going to the dance tonight, then going to a hotel with Aiden, then going to your loft on Sunday morning?”

“Yeah, he’s staying with me until the twenty-third, then leaving for St. Croix with his family.”

“And what are you going to do after that?”

“Stay at my loft. Everyone thinks I’m going home. I won’t go out, so don’t worry about me.”

“It’s my job to worry about you. What if you came home with me for Christmas? My parents would love it.”

“Really, Cooper?” I blink away tears.

“Yes, really. I don’t want you to be alone and I know you can’t go home.”

“That would be nice. I’ll get to see Tommy but it just isn’t going to be the same.”

“I know. Have fun at the dance tonight.”

“Have fun chaperoning.”

He rolls his eyes at me. “Yeah, right.”

Follow my script.

6pm

I’m getting ready for Winter Formal.

Curling my hair and then twisting it into a side braid that will show off my dress. Putting makeup on. Touching up my pedicure. Painting my nails.

My dress and shoes are already loaded into my Range Rover.

Aiden and I caravan to the boutique hotel where we’re spending the night, so we can drop off all our bags. After the dance, school is officially out for break.

And, since we have quite a few bags, we decide to get dressed at the hotel.

He holds my hand as we enter our beautifully perfect suite, our heels clicking on the worn oak floors. Center stage sits a modern black four-poster bed dressed in a fluffy comforter and pillows. The linens are all white except for a golden throw draped at the end of the bed. There’s a huge fireplace stacked with wood just waiting to light the room with a golden glow. A thick, white, fluffy rug that’s dying to be curled up on. A chaise to lie on. Champagne waiting to be chilled. The bathroom features golden marble, a modern free-standing tub, and a jetted shower.

As I look at each element of the room, I’m envisioning all the places we’re going to do it.

Tonight is finally the night.

And even though I wrote my script to tell him right when we get back to the room, part of me wants to wait until after.

The chicken part of me.

But my heart knows that I need to follow my script. Tell him the truth before I commit to him in that way. I don’t want there to be any lies between us when it finally happens.

I’m just worried that he won’t follow my script.

That he won’t understand.

But you have to trust the people that you love.

So I gaze again at the beautiful surroundings, wiping the negative thoughts from my mind and letting warmth fill my heart.

Knowing that things are going to be perfect.

I make Aiden get dressed in the bathroom while I put on my dress and shoes in the bedroom.

He yells, “You ready yet?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

He walks out of the bathroom wearing a classic black Gucci tuxedo.

Just think, Keatyn, you get to undress him tonight.

My perfect boy.

I’m wearing a pretty Catherine Deane strapless, silk-organza gown. The gown’s sweetheart neckline features polished metal beads, appliqués, and picot-edged overlays. I feel like a winter fairy. Soft and flowy, with just a little sparkle.

Aiden says, “You look stunning.”

“You look pretty stunning yourself. Love the tux.”

I pull up the skirt of my dress and show off my deep gray Nicholas Kirkwood suede pumps that are covered in pale multi-colored swirls of crystal.