We both startle when the ring of my cell phone cuts through the uncomfortable silence. And I swear I catch my sigh of relief before I blow it out; although I’m relieved to be saved by the bell, I want to mitigate any inevitable discomfort between us.

A gentleman would ignore his cell, and normally I’m just that. But in light of the situation and the fact that I’m waiting for a call from Rafe, I’m going to take the convenient out. When I glance to the floor where my phone sits faceup, I can just make out his name on the screen.

“Sorry. I can’t not get this.” I feel like such a dick, but it doesn’t stop me, and I squeeze her inner thighs in a show of regret. “I’m sorry,” I murmur again, meeting her surprised eyes as she unwraps her legs from around my waist. I take a step back, and I quickly avert my eyes as I toe the edge of embarrassment.

She murmurs something about understanding that I’m not sure I believe as I pick up my phone and head toward the bathroom to try and get some privacy in this tiny room.

“Dude. Do you have any clue what fucking time it is?” I ask the question to save face on why I sound winded, but then I look at my watch and realize it’s two o’clock in the damn morning.

“No. No damn clue, but you picked up awfully fast, so I know you’re not sleeping.” His statement hangs on the line like a question, but I just ignore it.

“What do you need, Rafe?” I glance over my shoulder to see BJ lying on the bed but covering herself up with the sheet. Shit. Well, I guess I can look on the bright side; more sex might be in my immediate future. That’s never a bad thing.

“Got your new photographer lined up. Name’s Bo Croslyn. I set it up for you two to meet in the normal place,” he says, referring to the hotel’s one pseudo–conference room all of us correspondents have taken over as our place to do official business when we need privacy and we’re not out in the field.

I knew this phone call was coming, knew I was going to get a new photog, but for some reason having it actually happen makes me feel like I’m betraying Stella. Ridiculous.

“Experience?” I ask as I take the condom off and toss it in the trash can next to the toilet. The line fills with silence while I turn the faucet on and clean up. “Rafe? What are you not telling me?”

“Nothing abroad just —”

“Nothing abroad?” My voice escalates. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re sending me a goddamn newbie? Some fresh-faced kid that’s going to get himself killed… or better yet, get me killed. What the —”

“Calm down. That’s not what —”

“This. Is. Calm.” I grit the words out. The false calm from the whiskey and the orgasm that were like a salve to soothe the invisible wounds is now gone. “Jesus H., man. After Stella… after how that went down, you’re gonna do this to me?”

“It’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. Bo’s pictures are killer.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” I catch a fleeting glimpse of BJ in the mirror, but I don’t turn to look because I’m so damn busy being pissed at Rafe.

“That’s not what I meant, Tanner.”

“I know what you meant.”

“Just wait. I think you guys will really click.”

“I don’t need you to bullshit me. I really don’t. The only click I need from Bo is the damn camera’s.”

Rafe chuckles into the line, but I know he’s just humoring me. I don’t have a damn leg to stand on since I’m the one who begged to be back here.

“Oh wow. I didn’t realize how late it was there. I’m so sorry,” he says, feigning apology to change the subject.

“Uh-huh.”

“Meet Bo at ten a.m. I’m late for a meeting.”

“Rafe —” The rest of my comment dies on my lips when the line goes dead. Fucking hell. Seriously?

I slam my fist against the cheap bathroom counter, but I haven’t even been here long enough to have any products on it to rattle. Something about the thought hits home. Why? Because I’m back and it’s all so different but the same too. I toss the phone onto the towel there, brace my hands on the Formica edge, and let my head hang down for a brief moment to rein in my frustration.

“I’m sorry about that,” I say as I walk back into the room. My steps falter when I take in the empty bed and my clothes as the sole items strewn on the floor. My immediate reaction is to stride toward the door, call her back, and apologize. Hell yes, it was a one-night stand, but my mother raised me to respect women.

Then I laugh at the thought, finding humor in the notion, considering what BJ and I just did: wham, bam, and not even a thank you, ma’am.

When I realize how stupid I am for almost chasing after her since I don’t want anything more, I take my hand off the door, turn around, and stand there naked with my hands on my hips. I glance around my room to see if anything was disturbed. People are ruthless trying to get a leg up on a story in this industry, but shit, I’ve been here for less than a day; it’s not like I have some big scoop worth stealing. Besides, I’m smart enough not to leave anything out if I did.

Look at me, paranoid already, and I’ve only been back in the game for less than twenty-four hours. Just like riding a bike. I sigh at my stupidity and make my way to the bed, but with Rafe’s words still ringing in my ears, BJ’s kiss still on my lips, and perfume on my sheets, I know sleep will be hard to find.

I sit on the edge of the mattress and lie back, scrubbing my hand over my face. What a fucking day. Back in this land I love and hate all at the same time with ghosts I need to let go. Except I fucking can’t. Add to that how goddamn good it was to see all of the guys again and the unanticipated bout of sex.

The longer I lie here, the more I think about everything. I blame jet lag for my inability to sleep, but the problem is that no matter how much I try to pull my thoughts from BJ, they keep going back to her. It has to be her damn perfume clinging to my skin and the sheets, but I don’t get up to take a shower.

Even though I need sleep to get a leg up on the wicked time difference that’s going to hit me with a sledgehammer in the coming days, it doesn’t come no matter how hard I try. So I divert my thoughts and make a mental list of sources I want to contact by week’s end, military and locals, to try and get some information on what Pauly was talking about earlier, the rumored meeting of high-level opposition. But the moment I close my eyes to will sleep to come, I see BJ and her sexy-as-hell body laid out before me on the bed. I hear that little moan she made right before she came that was a plea to both move faster and to prolong things all at the same time.

And then my mind veers to the thought that we came at the same time like in some goddamn cheesy romance novel. Why does that bug me? Why does our bodies being so in sync with each other throw me off, make me wonder if there is something more to it than incredible timing?

Shut it down, Tanner. It’s been a long ass day.

Scratch that. Try a long ass few months.

Close your eyes.

Go to sleep.

Chapter 4




“Yes, I’m here and I’m doing fine, Ry,” I tell her for the tenth time over the course of our conversation.

“I guess I have no choice but to believe you. And don’t sound so condescending. I’m your sister – I’m allowed to worry about you. It’s just…” Her voice fades off. “With everything that happened with Stella, I’m…”

“I’m fine. I promise. I’m not taking any unnecessary risks, but I’ve gotta go. I’ll talk to you soon.” I know never to give her a date or time because if I don’t call by then, she’ll get even more worried.

“’Kay. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

I end the call and look at the time on the screen. It’s ten fifteen. So first day on the job and I can’t say I’m too impressed with the new photographer they’ve assigned me, considering he’s already late.

Add to that this room makes me antsy as fuck. The last time I was in here was with Stella. We’d fought. She stormed out. Goddamn ghosts.

So I pace back and forth for a few minutes, constantly checking my watch, with my irritation growing each time I change directions. Ten more minutes pass and I’m pissed. I don’t have time for an unprofessional person without courtesy. The world outside the window passes me by as I wait for Rafe to pick up the damn phone.

“So you’ve met?” There’s amusement in his tone when he answers the phone, and my chafed nerves get even more ruffled.

“Nope. Didn’t show. Glad to know you hired a real professional.” Sarcasm is thick in my voice as I lean a shoulder against the window and watch a woman struggle to carry her wares from the market on the dirt-covered street below.

“What do you mean?”

“Just what I said. That’s what you get for hiring a goddamn rookie, Rafe. This is —”

“I told you Bo’s not a rookie. She has a great portfolio, security clearance for the base too. Just because she hasn’t been —”

“Wait, what?” There’s not a goddamn chance in hell I just heard him right. I close my eyes and shake my head. “You meant he, right? Just because he…?” Silence passes through the line. I can picture Rafe leaning his hip against his desk, lips pursed, and the furrow in his brow that he gets when he’s put on the spot. “Last night you referred to Bo as a he, so why today are you using the pronoun she?”