They talked about other things then, but Ellen reminded her of it again when she left. April didn’t want to think about it, and she was sure she wasn’t pregnant. She had no symptoms, other than the period she often missed anyway. She was still annoyed at herself for sleeping with him. Mike Steinman. It had been a stupid thing to do. She was old enough to know better, but he had been good-looking and intelligent. It had happened over Labor Day weekend, at the beginning of September, two months before. She hadn’t allowed herself to think of him since.

She walked past a drugstore on the way back to work, and she felt stupid for doing it, but she walked in and bought a pregnancy kit. She hadn’t worried about something like that in years. She had had a scare once in Paris, but fortunately she hadn’t been pregnant. She was sure she wasn’t this time either, but she bought the kit anyway, just so she could tell Ellen that she had made a mistake and to reassure herself. That was a headache she didn’t need.

April stopped in the kitchen on her way in. Everything was in order, and the prep was well under way for lunch. They weren’t opening for another two hours, and she had to go upstairs to dress for lunch with her mother. The rooms above the restaurant that were her apartment were almost entirely unfurnished. There were wooden crates and cardboard boxes, and several ugly lamps. And what furniture she did have — a desk, couch, dresser, and double bed — she had bought at Goodwill. She refused to spend her money on decor. She had spent it on the best possible secondhand equipment she could buy for the kitchen. Her mother had offered to furnish the apartment for her, and she had refused. All she ever did upstairs was work at her desk or sleep; she never entertained. In that respect, she was not her mother’s daughter. She looked like she was camping out.

She checked on the invoices of the orders that had come in, and then went to take a shower. She forgot all about the pregnancy test she had bought until she was halfway dressed. She almost decided not to do it, and then decided what the hell. Now that Ellen had raised the question, it was better to have confirmation that she wasn’t pregnant than to let it gnaw at her without knowing for sure. She followed the directions, set the test down on the counter after she used it, and finished getting dressed. She was wearing black slacks and a black sweater, with flat shoes and her hair in a braid. Her long dark hair was smooth and sleek, and she put on lipstick, looking in the mirror. And then she glanced down at the test. She picked it up then, and stared at it, and put it down again. She walked out of the room and came back and stared at it again. This couldn’t be. It couldn’t happen. She was on the Pill. She had only missed one, for chrissake … or was it two? She had been so damn drunk that night she couldn’t remember. This couldn’t be happening to her. It just couldn’t. Not with a man she scarcely knew, and hated, who didn’t even like her restaurant or understand what she was doing. It was her birthday today, for God’s sake. Things like this weren’t supposed to happen. But sometimes they did. She was pregnant, by a total stranger. Now what the hell was she going to do? There was no room in her life for this. How could she make such a terrible mistake? And how could life be so cruel?

She sat down on her bed in the empty room with tears running down her cheeks. This was the bed where she had slept with him. She bitterly regretted it now. This was a hell of a price to pay for one incredibly stupid mistake.

She looked panicked when she put on a black coat her mother had given her, then tied the belt tightly around her waist as though to prove that she still could. She picked up her bag and hurried down the stairs.

She didn’t stop in the kitchen, which was unusual for her. She walked right into the street and hailed a cab and gave the driver the address of La Grenouille. The last thing she wanted to do now was have lunch with anyone, or celebrate with her mother. She wasn’t going to say anything to her, but as they drove uptown, all April could think was that this was the worst birthday of her life.

Chapter 3


April arrived at the restaurant two minutes before her mother and was led to the table Valerie had reserved for them. Her mother went there often with friends — it was her favorite place to dine, other than April’s restaurant, which she loved too. But La Grenouille was more her style. It was elegant and chic and had been fashionable for years. The flower arrangements were fabulous, the service impeccable, and April and Valerie both agreed that the food was superb, the best in the city.

April was sitting at the table lost in thought, in a state of shock, when her mother arrived. Valerie looked beautiful, and she kissed April on the cheek with a broad smile and then sat down.

“Sorry I’m late. I had a busy morning. I’m trying to lock down our Christmas show. Happy birthday! I hope it’s been a good one so far.”

There was no way April was going to tell her mother the truth. Maybe eventually, but certainly not now. She had to digest it first herself, and figure out what to do. Maybe she’d never tell her at all.

“It’s been okay. I was at the fish market and the produce market at the crack of dawn. We’re starting white truffle season tonight. They came in two days ago. You should come for dinner this weekend.” She smiled at her mother. They had a good relationship, and always had, and they liked each other even better now as adults. And April would always be grateful to her for making her dream come true and lending her the money for the restaurant. It had been an enormous gift to her. “Happy birthday to you too,” she added.

Valerie ordered champagne for both of them and lowered her voice as she looked at her daughter across the table. “They announced my age on the radio today,” she said, looking as unhappy about it as she had been all morning, since she heard it.

“I know. I figured you’d be upset. I’m sorry, Mom. It doesn’t matter. No one would believe it. You hardly look older than I do.”

“Thank you for saying that,” Valerie said ruefully, “but now everyone knows the truth.”

“You can say they made a mistake.” April tried to console her, but she was too shaken up herself to be very reassuring.

“I can’t believe I’m sixty,” Valerie said, as April smiled at her.

“I can’t believe I’m thirty,” and pregnant, she silently added. Thirty wasn’t the end of the world, but getting pregnant by a man she didn’t know or love was about as bad as it could get.

“You don’t look it either,” Valerie said, smiling at her, “especially with your hair in a braid and no makeup.” She had long since given up trying to get her to wear any. April said it made no sense with her job and lifestyle. Although their features and their figures were strikingly similar, the two women couldn’t have been more different. One looked as though she had stepped off the pages of Vogue, and the other was a totally natural beauty. With Valerie’s careful attention to her appearance, they could almost have been sisters.

They sipped their champagne, and the waiter took their order. He greeted Valerie warmly and wished her a happy birthday. She told him it was April’s birthday too, and he smiled. Valerie ordered crab, and April sweetbreads; she loved how they did them. It struck her then that she had had no nausea in the past two months, and not a single symptom from what had happened, just a little tenderness in her breasts, which she had assumed was because she was late. Now she knew what had happened, and it was hard to think of anything else. Impossible, in fact. She kept missing two-thirds of everything her mother said. The waiter poured her another glass of champagne and April drank it. She was trying to be in denial about being pregnant. She was feeling a little dizzy by the time lunch came. And finally, when they finished, Valerie looked at her with concern. April was looking dazed and had been worried and distracted all through lunch. And she had gotten just a little tipsy.

“Are you upset about your birthday or is something wrong?” her mother asked her gently, and April shook her head and tried to smile.

“No, I’m fine. I think thirty just hit me harder than I expected. And so did the champagne.” They had been drinking Cristal, which was their favorite. April didn’t carry it at the restaurant; it was much too expensive for her clients. Nor did they carry the Château d’Yquem that the waiter poured each of them after the meal as a gift. It was the best sauterne there was, and April didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so she drank it.

“I’m going to be drunk when I go back to work,” Valerie said, laughing, as April stared at her across the table, feeling woozy.

“Yeah, me too,” April said vaguely, and then looked at her mother through a haze of wine, and said exactly what she had told herself she wouldn’t. “I’m pregnant.” She just blurted it out, and the announcement sat between them like an elephant on the table, as Valerie stared at her in amazement.

“You’re pregnant? How did that happen? I mean … never mind. Who is it? Have you been seeing someone?” If she had been, April hadn’t said a word to her about it. Valerie looked stunned. This was the last thing she had expected.

“No, I haven’t. It was a stupid mistake I made over the Labor Day weekend. I don’t even know him. I only saw him once. I just found out today.”

Valerie looked at her and then touched her hand. She was as shocked as April had been when she read the test. “What are you going to do about it? Or not what, I guess … but when?”

“I don’t know what or when. This has never happened to me before. I’m thirty years old, and this morning I was beating myself up about not being married and having kids by the time I’m thirty. And now look what happened. I have no idea what to do about it, what’s right, or what I want.”