They left a little while later, and April came out to say goodbye. Her mother looked better, but still somewhat bothered. And April kissed them both and told them to come back soon. And as she kissed Jack on the cheek, he suddenly looked at her, surprised. Her stomach had bumped into him while she kissed him. He looked down and could see that she was pregnant, and had a good-sized belly hiding under her apron. He looked back into April’s eyes with a question in his gaze.

“Mom will explain it to you,” she said shyly. “Or has she already told you?” It wouldn’t have bothered her if she did. He was family now, by association with her mother.

“No, she hasn’t,” he said quietly. “Is that good news or bad news for you?” he asked, pointing at her belly, and she shrugged.

“A little bit of both. It’s one of those things, a blessing in disguise maybe. I haven’t figured that out yet.” The cab was waiting for them and it was cold outside and April didn’t have a coat on, so she hurried back into the restaurant and they got into the cab, and Jack was quiet after giving the driver Valerie’s address. They were staying at her place that night, and still going back and forth every few days between his apartment and hers.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked Valerie, looking hurt.

“About what?”

“April’s baby. She’s pregnant. Who’s the guy? I didn’t know she had a boyfriend.”

“She doesn’t.” Valerie sighed. “It was an accident. I met him once. He seems nice enough, he’s a food critic. But he doesn’t want her or the baby. Apparently, they only got together once, and poor April was very unlucky. She says they got drunk, which is unfortunate. And the antibiotic she was taking rendered her birth control pill ineffective.” He felt sorry for her. It was a heavy burden for her to carry alone, with the restaurant. And it was bad luck that the father didn’t want her or the baby.

“How terrible for her. Valerie, why didn’t you tell me?” For the first time, there was reproach in his voice, and he wondered if she’d been too embarrassed, or was protecting April. That at least would explain it. But he thought they’d been totally open with each other, and this was a big piece of information to leave out, which must have been a worry to her. He wanted to be at the hub of her life, and useful to her, not on the sidelines. He was hurt that she hadn’t told him.

There were tears in her eyes when she answered him. “Did you see that girl tonight? The one who said hello to you? How old is she, Jack? Twenty-one? Twenty-two? Twenty-three at most? That makes me thirty-seven years older than she is. That’s who you used to go out with. And I’m ten years older than you are. I’m sixty and single, with a man who used to go out with twenty-year-olds, and on top of it, you expected me to tell you that I’m about to be a grandmother? I could be that model’s grandmother.” She winced as she said it. “Just how bad does it get, and how old do you want me to look?” The tears were bright in her eyes. “I know it’s vain and stupid, but I thought you wouldn’t want me if I told you. I haven’t gotten used to the idea myself, and I sure as hell didn’t want to tell you at first. And besides, it’s a miserable situation for April. But that’s not why I didn’t tell you. I just don’t want to be the grandmother you sleep with.” She looked so pathetic and vulnerable when she said it that he smiled at her, and had to keep himself from laughing. In a way, it was funny, here he had been sleeping with ridiculous young girls, with great bodies and no brains, and now he was sleeping with a woman ten years older than he was, and grandmother or not, he was head over heels in love with her. He put his arms around her and kissed her.

“I don’t give a damn about any of those girls. I never did. And I’m going to love you, even when you’re a great-grandmother. I love you, no matter how old you are, or how old you get, or how many grandchildren you have. Shit, Valerie, I’m no kid either, even though you make me feel like one. Half the time I look and feel older than you do.” She smiled through her tears as he said it. He started to laugh then and couldn’t resist teasing her a little. “And I promise never to call you ‘Granny’!”

“Oh, you!” she said, and playfully swiped at him, and hit his arm. “Don’t you ever call me that! If that child ever calls me that, I’ll refuse to see it.” But she cuddled closer to him and felt better. “I feel terrible for April. It’s an awful situation,” she said seriously. “I don’t know how she’s going to manage.”

“She will,” he said quietly, “and we’ll help her. We can baby-sit for her, if we have to.” He smiled at Valerie again then. “It can call us Jack and Valerie, no Grandma and Grampa, although I kind of like the idea of grandchildren, not right away of course, but one day.”

“That’s how I felt about it,” she confessed. “Like at eighty. I wanted to tell you, Jack. I really did. And I almost did a couple of times, but I just couldn’t get the words out. ‘Oh, by the way, I’m going to be a grandmother in June.’ Shit, that sounds so awful when you’re trying to be young and sexy.”

“You are young and sexy!” he reassured her.

“Not like the girl tonight,” Valerie said sadly. “That’s what young and sexy looks like.” Valerie felt ancient when she saw her.

“No,” he corrected her. “That’s what crazy looks like. She was a lunatic. She’s probably on drugs. She was as high as a kite when I went out with her, and I couldn’t wait to get rid of her and never see her again. That’s exactly what I don’t want, and everything I wanted to get away from. Now I have, and I thank my lucky stars every day that I’m with you and not girls like that anymore. I felt stupid and I was bored, and I had nothing better to do. It was all about my ego. Everything I feel for you is about my heart, and the rest of me,” he said with a mischievous grin. And as soon as they walked into her apartment, he proved it to her. He scooped her up in his arms and walked into her bedroom.

“Put me down, you’ll hurt your back! That’s not good for your leg!” she kept insisting, and he only laughed at her.

“To hell with my leg and my back! Are you telling me I’m old?”

“No,” she said as he dumped her on the bed and fell on top of her. “I’m telling you that I love you.”

“Good, because I love you too. Now enough about this crap about how old we are. It’s Valentine’s Day and I want to make love to you. Take your clothes off,” he said, as he tugged them off her. She was laughing, and it all seemed silly suddenly, her reaction to telling him about April’s baby, and the girl in the restaurant. None of it mattered. Only they did. And with that he made love to her as though they were both eighteen years old. They had been brave enough to open the right door, and lucky enough to find each other.

Chapter 16


Two weeks after Valentine’s Day, April was standing on the sidewalk outside the restaurant, signing for the delivery of the new dishwasher she’d had to buy. She had her apron off and there was no hiding it anymore. Everybody knew she was pregnant. She hadn’t told anyone who the father was except Ellen and her parents. And it was clear to her entire staff that she was facing it alone. They were being very nice to her, and helping her whenever possible. Two of her older waitresses in particular were being very motherly to her and said they wanted to give her a shower for the baby. Others were offering to lend her equipment she would need, and Jean-Pierre brought tears to her eyes when he gave her an antique cradle for the baby that he had found at a garage sale. It still didn’t seem real to her, although the baby kicked her constantly. But she couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have a child of her own once it was born. Most of the time, she tried not to think about it, and just went on about her work and running her business. She was exactly six months pregnant.

She was walking back into the restaurant, with her head down, following the men carrying the dishwasher, when someone behind her touched her shoulder, and she turned around and found herself looking up at Mike. He looked very serious and very somber as he tried not to look at her stomach, but he had been shocked by its size when he saw her. She looked to him as though she were about to have the baby, which he knew she wasn’t. But her belly was huge now. It had popped out in the last month, and all pretense of hiding it was over. She was a very obviously pregnant woman.

She looked at Mike uncomfortably and had no idea what he was doing there, and he seemed as though he didn’t know either.

“Hi” was all he said for the first minute. And then “How are you?”

“I’m okay,” she said noncommittally. “How are you?” She hadn’t seen him in more than two months, since the fatal day at the doctor’s when he had walked out and told her he just couldn’t do it. She hadn’t heard a word from him since, and hadn’t called him. She respected his right not to participate if that was how he felt about it. She had given him that option right from the beginning, when she told him.

“I’ve been all right. I’ve been thinking about you. Could we take a walk for a minute?” She nodded, and knew the others would deal with the dishwasher. Jean-Pierre was in the kitchen, and he had become more than just a sommelier. He did a lot of extra odd jobs to help her, and he scowled the moment he saw Mike and didn’t say hello. She and Mike started walking around the block together. She didn’t want the others to see her with him or listen to them talking. No men ever came to see her, and she didn’t want anyone to guess that he was the father of the baby, although Jean-Pierre had already guessed. But no one else had.