"I didn't think...."

"I didn't expect...."

"Everything was taken care of years ago - except the flight. I decided to hold off on that in case you were both successful enough to travel first class this time." Her words garnered smiles all around and Okasa shrugged. It was the truth, if not the entire truth. "So you two need to talk and decide what you want to do."

Finally Brianna and Charisma looked at one another, holding their gazes for a long time before turning back to Okasa. "Yes, Mama," they replied in unison, knowing they would talk about it when they were alone. Okasa nodded.

"I'm going to go say goodnight to my grandson and then go to bed. It's been a long day."

Her words were like a catalyst, and everyone rose from their places and exchanged hugs, then watched Okasa head upstairs. Brianna turned back to Charisma. Charisma just covered her lips with a finger and shook her head; Brianna leaned her forehead against Charisma's and neither of them noticed when Kay slipped from the room to wait in the hall.

"Call me when you get home?"

"Of course," Brianna assured her, kissing the finger still resting lightly on her lips. Charisma shivered and closed her eyes. "Goodnight, Ri."

"Goodnight, Brianna Brianna."


Chapter CVII

When Esmeralda closed the door behind her guests, she did so with a melancholy smile on her face. It was the second time the four women had visited her as a group, and she appreciated their efforts on her behalf. Despite the fact that the growth in Brianna's and Charisma's relationship was exceptionally slow, it was good to see they *were* making progress at last... even if it only meant they had just reached the public handholding stage. At least it was something she could recognize as genuine headway. Still, it wasn't enough to alleviate her own sense of loss. What she had said to Kay at their first visit had been the absolute truth - it wasn't that she wanted to die... it was simply that she had no will to live. And the happiness and love they had brought into her life that day couldn't begin to touch the loneliness and despair that was the gaping maw where her heart and soul had once resided - a cavity that only grew a little greater every single day she was apart from Saphira.

She glanced at the calendar, noting with a hint of surprise that this second 'intervention visit' had been four months to the day since Saphira's passing. Esmeralda felt her hands start to shake as she raised them to cover her mouth. A few slow, deep breaths and the tears were pushed hack behind her eyelids again. In some ways it had been forever, and in others it felt like it had only just happened.

She locked up the house tightly, and crossed into their bedroom... her bedroom now, she supposed idly - closing the door and moving straight to the bathroom.

Even though spring had sprung and summer was literally roaring in with both barrels, Esmeralda never felt warm anymore. And the cooler air in the evenings tended to give her a genuine chill that made her shake down to her bones.

She ran the water as hot as she could stand it, sighing in relief when she stepped under the spray. Esmeralda stood there for long moments, letting the warmth flow over and around her until she felt the shivers subside. Then she bathed as quickly as she could, drying off and dressing in the overheated little room before stepping back into the cooler bedroom….

... only to stop short when she realized she was no longer alone in the house.

"Hello, Es," Amber offered as she folded her wings neatly behind her until only the feathered arches peeked over her shoulders. She opened her arms, stunned when Esmeralda didn't immediately move into her embrace. "Es?"

"Hello, Amber," Esmeralda replied coolly, clenching her jaw to keep the tears at bay once more.

"Es? Aren't you glad to see me?"

"Of course I am, Amber. I'm just not sure you're real. Unlike my earthly family that has kept in touch with me almost daily since Saphira's death, it feels as though my heavenly family deserted me for the last four months. I'm not convinced you're more than a figment of my rather vivid imagination." Her voice wasn't accusatory - it was resigned.

"Oh Es - this is the first time I've been able to get away. I badgered Michael until he secured permission for me to come." She sighed and her wings drooped behind her. "I've been trying to do like you asked," Amber said in a near-whisper. "I've been trying to stay out of trouble so I could be here when you truly needed me to be."

"And I need you now more than I have since Saphira died?" her voice a mixture of hurt and confusion.

Amber shrugged. "I dunno. I just know the minute I got the go-ahead from Michael, I came. We've missed you, Es. Everyone has been trying get back here - Turq managed to wind up on probation from her efforts."

"Should I ask?" Esmeralda asked with a chuckle, despite the tears in her eyes.

Amber blushed. "Probably not. I'm pretty sure it's going to be a while before Heaven recovers."

The tears spilled down her cheeks and Esmeralda covered her mouth. "Oh Amber...." waiting until Amber looked up before she leaped into her arms. Amber braced herself for the impact, then hugged Esmeralda as tightly as she dared. With her enhanced senses, she could easily feel the frailty in the human form she held, and Amber felt the tears roll down her face.

"You promised me, Es - you promised me."

Esmeralda gathered her courage and took a deep breath. Then she leaned back so she could meet Amber's eyes... the gold dimmed to a washed-out brown. Esmeralda leaned forward just enough to brush her lips over Amber's forehead.

"I've been trying too, Amber. But my heart - it's broken and I just don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to make it better. I miss her, Amber - I miss her so much."

Now it was Amber's turn to lean forward, and she did so until their foreheads were touching - keeping her arms wrapped snugly around Esmeralda. "I was afraid of this," she whispered. "I told Michael...." Amber broke off and pulled away just slightly. "It doesn't matter - I didn't want to be right about this."

"If it makes you feel better - I didn't want you to be right either. I just... I can feel myself slipping away, Amber. And I don't know how to stop it - I'm not sure I really want to." Esmeralda sighed and left Amber's clasp, shivering as soon as Amber's warmth was gone. Without a word, Amber tugged Esmeralda to the bed and tucked her in, then went around to the other side and clambered under the covers to share her warmth once more, wincing only slightly at the discomfort she felt when her wings contorted slightly to accommodate her position. Esmeralda sighed contentedly and Amber smiled. It wasn't much, but given the rest, she was happy for small blessings.

There was silence for a time, then Esmeralda shifted until she could look up at Amber's face. Amber felt the movement and glanced down. "Es?"

"Amber, has anyone... has anyone located Saphira?"

Amber sighed and shook her head. "No. And that alone makes me curious. The last time someone couldn't be found, it was Moses, and He hid Moses because He willed it so. I'm beginning to wonder if something similar happened to Saphira. The only thing I don't understand is why He would feel the need to keep her away from us."

"Do you think He's afraid it would become another rebellion like Lucifer led?"

Amber shrugged. "I dunno. It's just peculiar, and you know how that grates on me."

"I know," Esmeralda offered through a yawn. "Sorry."

"Why?" Amber inquired affectionately. "I know how much sleep humans need, and it's probably worse for you with everything that's going on. Sleep. I'll stay and watch over you for as long as I can."

Esmeralda yawned again and snuggled deeper into Amber's hold. "Love you, Amber."

"Love you too, Es."

************

"Wake up, Es," the voice prodded gently, causing a frown to mar Esmeralda's otherwise angelic features. "C'mon, Sweetheart - wake up and let me see those beautiful eyes." Esmeralda blinked, but scrunched her eyes closed when the bright light nearly blinded her. It had just been coming on to dark when she'd lain down with Amber. Had she really been asleep that long? Then she took a deep breath and stiffened, even as she felt darkness fall around her. The warmth and scent of Saphira surrounded her and the low, husky voice was her undoing. "Es?"

"Phira?" shivering when strong arms tightened around her. She turned in Saphira's arms and tucked her head beneath her chin, greedily inhaling the smell that encompassed her. "Oh God, Love - how I have missed you so!" Then she cuddled into Saphira's embrace and just cried.

"I've been here, Sweetheart - just waiting for you," Saphira whispered.

Saphira just held Esmeralda and let her cry, praying that the sobs wracking her body would give her the relief she sought. Saphira could feel Esmeralda's pain, and it was nauseating. Tears escaped blue eyes while Esmeralda cried and Saphira let them fall unchecked as she rocked her mate.

After an incalculable span of time, Esmeralda calmed and though Saphira refused to release her hold, she did ease back just enough to determine if Esmeralda had in fact fallen asleep. What she found was a pair of green eyes swirling with pain and anger and love and devotion staring back at her. She brushed a kiss over Esmeralda's forehead, only a little surprised when Esmeralda pulled her head down until their lips met.

The kiss wasn't angry or passionate, but full of love and reassurance and they let it linger for long minutes. Finally, though, Esmeralda pulled back, sitting up and pushing Saphira over until she was laying flat on her back. Esmeralda leaned over her, studying her blue eyes and resisting the touch that was urging her to meld their bodies together and just forget everything for a while. She shook her head and Saphira blew out a frustrated breath, but relented.