soft mound. "Nice and fluffy."

"Just don't treat it like you do your regular pillows," Carey said. "You have no idea how many times I came out in the morning and found your pillow on the floor."

"Oh no," Grace said, running her fingertips over the soft skin. "I worked too damn hard to get this pillow. I'm not about to let it go." She shifted and when she did, the flats of her fingers pressed down on the outer edge of Carey's breast. "What's that?"

"What?"

Grace pressed down again, this time moving her fingers in a slow circular motion. "Right there. What's that?" She rubbed over the bump again, then moved to the other breast to see if it felt the same. She remembered the doctor had told her to always check the other breast if she felt something she wasn't sure of. If it was on the other breast too, then it was normal. She frowned as her fingers worked their way over the other breast and found no matching lump.

"It's probably just a milk gland or something." Carey wrinkled her brow. "Is that what you call them?"

"I don't know what you call them, but if that's what it is there should be one on the other breast too, and there's not." Grace brought her hand back to Carey's right breast, pressing her fingers into the flesh. "Here." She took Carey's hand and placed where her fingers had been. "Feel it?"

"I feel it," Carey said. "I don't know what it is. I never noticed it before."

"You don't check?"

Carey shifted, covering Grace's body with her own. "I don't check, but that doesn't mean it's cancer." She kissed the young woman's lips, hoping to erase the concerned look in the blue eyes. "I'll call tomorrow and make an appointment." She braced herself with her arms and waited patiently as Grace continued to examine her breasts for any other irregularities. "I promise I'll have it checked."

"I love you," Grace said.

"I love you too," Carey said, giving her lover another soft kiss. "Please don't worry."

Grace blinked several times. "I can't help worrying."

"Sweetheart, I'm too young to worry about breast cancer, and besides, cancer doesn't run in my family." She kissed Grace again. Her heart ached at the pain and worry in the blue eyes. "I love you, Grace."

"Joanna?" The woman in a white lab coat entered the room. "I'm Dr. Sapiel."

"Hello," Carey said.

"I understand you've found a lump on your breast?"

"It's probably nothing," Carey said. "But I promised someone I'd come and have it checked."

"Well, we'll just take a look," the doctor said. "Lie back, Joanna. That's it. That was the right breast?" she asked, checking the notes her nurse had written in Carey's file.

"Yes," Carey said. "It's on the outer edge."

The doctor nodded. "Put your right arm up behind your head."

"It can't be cancer," Carey said, closing her eyes to avoid the glare of the overhead lights. "Cancer doesn't run in my family."

"It could be any number of things," the doctor said, opening Carey's gown to expose her breasts. "About 80% of the lumps we find turn out to be benign, but we take any irregularity very seriously until we determine exactly what it is. Family history is something we look at, but 70% of women who develop breast cancer have no history of cancer in their family."

Carey felt the doctor's fingers exploring her breast, pausing when they found the lump.

"This is very small, Joanna. Most women don't notice lumps until they're larger than this. You must be very diligent with your self-examinations."

"Actually, I didn't find it. My partner did."

The doctor nodded and moved to Carey's left breast. "That's not uncommon. Probably close to half the lumps that are discovered are found by a partner. You're very lucky. At your age we don't do yearly mammograms, so it's important that your breasts are checked regularly."

"How do we find out what it is?"

"I'm going to order a needle biopsy. That will tell us exactly what we're dealing with here. Let's not worry until we have to. I meant it when I said that most of these lumps turn out to be benign." She closed Carey's gown and picked up her file, scribbling a few notes before she spoke again. "I also want to do a mammogram to make sure there are no other smaller lumps hiding in either breast."

"Is that likely?"

"Not really, but I prefer to be cautious. Someone will be in touch to schedule the biopsy, and my nurse will check to see if they can get you in for the mammogram today."

"So what'd they say?" was the first thing Grace said when Carey returned.

"I have to go back tomorrow for a mammogram and she referred me for something called a needle biopsy to have the lump checked." Carey pulled Grace into her arms. "Don't look so worried, love. The doctor told me most lumps that are found are not cancer."

Grace buried her face in Carey's chest. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Carey kissed the top of the blonde head leaning into her. "Yes, it is. So let's take the doctor's advice and not worry until we need to."

Grace sighed and squeezed tighter. "That does make me feel a little better," she said, "but I love you so much, I can't help being a little scared."

"I love you too.”

"Joanna Carey," the nurse said, and Carey froze. She wanted to bolt out the door. Standing, she followed the plump woman down the hall to Doctor Sapiel's office. She had been dreading this moment ever since the needle biopsy proved that the lump was not a fluid-filled cyst. She had been told that this was the most common type of benign lump. The lump had been solid, which meant the chances that it was cancer had increased some.

"Have a seat, Miss Carey. The doctor will be right in."

Carey nodded her head and sat down, her hands gripping tightly to the arms of the chair. "Thank you." She watched the nurse leave and tried to still her racing heart. The next few minutes would determine the rest of her life, and she was not sure she was ready for what she might find out. The week of waiting for the results of the biopsy had been the longest week of Carey's life, and now that the waiting was almost over she wasn't sure she wanted to know. If they didn't tell her, it wouldn't be real.

The door opened and Doctor Sapiel walked in with Carey's chart in her hands. She glanced quickly through it then looked up. "Well, we do have a malignancy."

God, she really said it! Cancer! Carey's fingers were going numb from clutching the chair so tightly. It took a moment before she could speak. "I want this out of my body." It was all she could think of to say.

Doctor Sapiel nodded. "The growth is small and we have a good chance that it has not spread to surrounding tissue, but we have to be sure. I want to remove the lump, the tissue surrounding it, and two lymph nodes. We'll biopsy the nodes, and if they're clear, then we'll start


radiation therapy about six weeks after the surgery."

"And if the lymph nodes aren't clear?"

"We'll go back and remove all the nodes and you'll start a course of chemo and radiation therapy."

Carey scheduled the surgery, then walked to her car in a daze. This can't be happening. Opening the door, she climbed in and picked up her cell phone. Why had she insisted that Grace stay home? She needed to talk to Grace, hear her voice. Needed something to ground her. She listened to the phone as it rang, emotions building with each ring.

"Hello?"

Carey heard the beloved voice and couldn't speak. She was almost choking trying to hold back the sobs. Breaking the connection, she dropped the phone on the seat beside her as the tears began to fall. Leaning over the steering wheel, her head dropped to her arms and sobs wracked her body. Helpless to stop them, she let the tears run their course.

Grace heard the truck pull up, and she was on her feet in an instant. She knew the news was not good when she saw Carey's eyes. They were red and puffy, it was clear she had been crying. As much as she wanted to break down and cry too, she held herself together. Carey was in enough pain right now without her adding to it by breaking down. There would be time for that later when she was alone. Right now Carey needed her to be strong.

"I guess the news wasn't good."

Carey shook her head. "I scheduled the surgery for week after next. I just want this damn thing out of my body." She tossed her keys on the table and walked over to Grace. "You know, I was thinking about something on the way home. We're pretty new, you and I. Perhaps it would be better if we ended this now. I'll be here when this is all over, if you're still interested."

Grace wrapped her arms around Carey and pulled her close. "Don't be silly."

Carey stiffened and pushed her away. "I'm serious about this, Grace. I want you to leave." She turned abruptly and walked to the window, unfocused eyes gazing out at nothing.

"You want? What about what I want?" Grace was angry now. "How dare you dismiss me as if this was just an affair. We made a commitment to each other." She walked over and took Carey's arm, pulling her around to face her. "I love you. I'm not going anywhere. Now drop and give me ten."

Carey's mouth dropped open, then a smile crept onto her face, and she dropped to the floor. "Yes, ma'am." Carey finished her push-ups, then rolled over onto her back. "I'm sorry, Grace. I should have known better. It's just..."

Grace dropped to the floor beside Carey. "How could you think I would let you send me away?"

"Things are uncertain for me right now and I just wanted to give you an out. I didn't want you to feel stuck."