"Grace?"

Grace sniffled and wiped her face with wadded-up tissue. "I'm fine. I’ll be out in a minute." She looked up to see the doorknob turn. She's checking to see if I locked the door, she thought as the knob returned to its original position.

"I wish you would," Carey said softly.

"I don't want to talk about it," Grace said. "Can't we just forget it?"

"You can't just forget your feelings."

"I can't help them either but that doesn't matter, does it?" She stood up and walked to the sink, met by red-rimmed eyes looking back at her from the mirror. And you were worried she'd be mad about the fight. Try getting a hug out of her now.

"Grace?"

"I'll be out in a minute." She watched in the mirror as the knob was tested again. Don't worry, the razors are safe. Soaking her washcloth with cold water, she pressed it against her face. How am I gonna face her? I can't go out and just sit there and pretend nothing happened, and I can't talk about it. She soaked the cloth again. I'll tell her I'm tired and go to bed early. No, she'd know I was lying. What am I gonna do? "Fucked up big time," she whispered as she wrung out the washcloth and draped it over the sink. "No way to fix this one." She looked at her reflection one last time. Be tough. Don't cry. Don't let her see how much it hurts. "Ready?" She took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. Be tough.

Opening the door, she looked down at the carpet and waited for Carey to move out of the way before going into the living room and taking her usual position on the couch. She opened her textbook and pretended to be finding the correct page as Carey claimed the recliner. Please just let it go tonight, she silently begged, watching from the comer of her eye as the dark-haired woman opened the drawer and donned the black-rimmed reading glasses. Good. Grade papers or something. Don't bring it up. She looked down quickly when Carey glanced in her direction. Please don't say anything, she thought, relieved when Carey picked up the paperback sitting on the comer of the table. Grace tried to pay attention to her textbook but the words made no sense, her mind refusing to let her escape from the feelings welling inside. "I'm going to bed," she blurted. Carey closed the novel.

"If that's what you want to do," she said, turning off the lamp.

I want to crawl into a hole and disappear, Grace thought to herself as she collected the bedding. Deliberately keeping her back to Carey, she laid out the blanket and sheet, then crawled between them and faced the rear of the couch. She heard footsteps as Carey moved, then a creak as the older woman sat down on the edge of the coffee table.

"I wish I knew the right words to say," Carey said softly.

Grace sniffled, wiping her eyes with the pillow. "Just something I have to work out myself."

"If you want to talk about it..."

"I know." She pulled the blanket tighter.

"I'm sorry, Grace. It can't be any different."

Grace kept her back turned to Carey, but she nodded her acceptance.

"It was stupid of me to think that someone like you would ever be interested in a screw-up like me anyway."

Carey reached over and grabbed her shoulder, pulling her over onto her back. "I'm not going to listen to you put yourself down like that. You've changed so much since you arrived here. You've learned to set goals, and work to achieve them. And until tonight, you've been able to keep that temper of yours under control. That's something that you couldn't do a few months ago." Carey released Grace's shoulder, a thoughtful look on her face. "I'm so proud of you, Grace. I hope you know that. And you know we can remain friends when you leave here."

Grace smiled for the first time that evening. "I'd like that, Carey."

Carey smiled back. "Good. Now I'm going to get out of here and let you get some sleep." Reaching over she tugged the blanket that had fallen away when she pulled Grace over, and tucked it back up around the young girl. "Sweet dreams, Grace," she said as she stood to leave.

"You too." Grace watched her leave. Wow. She's proud of me. Those words warmed her from the inside as she let herself believe them. Smiling, she rolled over on her side and closed her eyes, the pain of the last hour easing. And the fist that had been gripping her insides slowly releasing its hold. Things were not the way she wanted them, but Carey was proud of her. That was enough for now.

Try as she might, Grace just could not pay attention to her homework, her eyes flitting up to catch a glimpse of the woman sitting in the recliner. Carey had been quiet these last two days since she had found out about how she felt, and Grace couldn't help wondering if her being there was making her uncomfortable. When Carey caught her looking again, she quickly looked back down at the book in her lap.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Grace, I'm too tired to play this game tonight."

"Sorry." The teen looked down at her notebook. "I guess it's been really hard for you having me underfoot."

"I miss my closet but other than that it hasn't been too bad," Carey said. "Was that the question?"

"No," Grace said. "Do you want me to trade places with Jan?"

Carey removed her reading glasses. "You mean you stay with Instructor Gage and Bowen comes here?" She shook her head. "Why change things now?"

"Because of me," Grace said. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"And you think sticking me with Jan would make me comfortable?"

Grace looked down. "No."

"Look at me. Do you want to trade places?"

“No.”

"Is it going to be too hard for you to stay here?"

Grace thought about it. No matter how much it hurt, she could not deprive herself of even one minute more with Carey. "It might be," she admitted. "But I want to stay." She wiped at a tear. "Please."

Carey nodded. "I'm not the one that brought it up," she said, leaning forward in her seat. "Grace, I know it hurts, and what I had to say was hard for you to hear, but I need you to know that I do care about you. If you need to talk, I'm here."

"It does hurt," Grace said, swiping at another tear. "I feel like there's something wrong with me."

"Not wrong," Carey said. "Incomplete. A whole new life is going to begin for you soon and you have to give yourself time to live that life before you can even think of giving yourself to another person. You have to take that lump of clay that is your future and mold it into something, make yourself into someone. The someone you want to be."

"What then?"

"What do you mean?"

Grace looked down. "What if I do that? Get my degree, start a career, achieve those goals I've been making for the last five months. Would you consider me...you know...that way?"

"I don't know," Carey said. "And I can't allow myself to even think about the future in those terms because of the way things are today. I want to be your friend, Grace. I'm your mentor now and that's not going to end after graduation. In many ways, I feel like a big sister to you. As for anything else, I can't, and I know that while it hurts now, someday you'll understand why."

If circumstances were different. The words echoed through Grace's mind long after she had closed her eyes for a sleep that refused to come. Goal number one, Carey. So how do I get that goal? Become what she wants in a lover. Succeed at college. Get a degree so she'll see me as an adult and not a screwed-up kid. Can't do anything about the age but wait. She sighed and laced her hands behind her head. What else? Get a job, save money, get good credit to show her I'm responsible. Stay out of trouble, there's one of the biggies. No way in hell she'd choose me if I got myself into a mess. Sitting up, she listened carefully for several seconds, then quietly went over and turned on the lamp. You're always telling me to make a plan for the future, she thought as she opened her notebook. She wrote Carey's name at the top of the paper. Now, steps to achieve goal.

"Thank you for coming, Mr. Waters," Carey said, gesturing at the chair. "Please have a seat. I'd like to speak to you for a few minutes before we bring Grace in."

"Fine," he said. "How's she doing?"

"She's had a few rough spots, but overall she's done a complete turnaround from the first day she arrived here," Carey said. "You should be proud of her, I know we are."

"I am," he said. "And if there's anything I can do for her, just tell me."

"She told you she passed her GED test?"

"Yes," he said. "I told her I'm going to take down my trophy fish to make room for her diploma."

"I'm sure that made her happy," Carey said. "Mr. Waters, Grace doesn't know this yet, but after tomorrow, she's going to be released from state custody."

"That's wonderful," he said.

"At that point, she has to be released to her legal guardian."

"Her mother," he said.

"She's seventeen," Carey said. "She can choose which parent she wants to live with. But," she cautioned, seeing the hopeful look in his eyes. "Her early release is conditioned on her staying in Iroquois County for six months." She watched him work through the problem.

"I can't get it done by tomorrow but I can move here if I have to," he said.

"She can live on her own once she turns eighteen," Carey said. "The problem is the next month."

"It would really hurt but I could probably swing a hotel for that long," he said. "I have some savings bonds I've been holding onto." He rubbed his beard. "Then I'd have to get her set up in an apartment. Help her find a job or get into school. Can she?"