L. Miller - Gilded Wings

I gasped, needing to inhale deeply to recover the lost air that had been drummed from my lungs. How could I not love this man? How could I tell him that I wasn’t sure after all of those things he had just said?

“Yes”

From the moment that single word had left my lips I had an unexplainable feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach and knew I should not have said it.

He took the huge diamond encased by platinum out of the black velvet box and placed it on my ring finger. I looked down at it and my heart ached with confusion. The ring was beautiful, a huge circular diamond, completely flawless wrapped in a layer of platinum. It was so smooth, so beautiful.

He swept me up in his arms and placed me on top of the dining room table.

“I love you” he whispered against my ear lobe. He laid me back and kissed my lips, his kiss ravishing and suffocating, his tongue invading my mouth. The release of this uncomfortable torture was a moment of relief. “You have made me the happiest man in the world”. His crisp white smile beaming down at me.

Relief short lived. He kissed and sucked on my earlobe, tugging it between his teeth, causing an equal balance of mild pain mixed with sheer irritation. He traced his tongue down the contour of my neck to my chest, stopping just above my breasts. My body shuddered under his touch. I knew it was coming. The inevitable. I knew there was no way of stopping this, I had encouraged him. I would have to force my body to openly oblige his entry into me. Perhaps if I gave myself too him I would remember how enjoyable our sex life once was and we could be happy again.

A tear slipped from my eye and dropped to the table. The unexplainable tear shed, mourning the loss for what we once had, or perhaps for the notion of his hands pulling and tugging at my body.

He unbuttoned my jeans and tugged them off along with my panties, throwing them to the marbled stone floor. There was no romance, no foreplay, no build up, no suspense. He wanted a fuck and that is what he was going to get.

Hard panting spilled from his mouth, something crossed between a wild animal and a man starved of sex. His tongue traced from my knee up the inside of my thigh. He blew gently over my sex and ran his tongue lightly over it, twirling, kissing and sucking. My mind couldn’t shut off, I should be enjoying this but I couldn’t. His tongue was invading a part of my body. The part I didn’t want him anywhere near. The awkward sensation of him kissing and licking the most vulnerable part of my body lasted all of thirty seconds, seconds which seemed like an eternity. Henry did this to make sure I was wet enough with saliva for him to enter me. It was the only purpose for him kissing me there, my body naturally refused to fill with liquid desire.

This was going to be the first time in two months he was actually going have sex with me and he was damn sure that he was going to get it, nothing was going to stand in his way. Not missing a beat he pulled down his trousers with urgency, releasing his huge cock which was impatiently standing to attention. Demanding its release. I tried to remove the thought of him entering me from my mind but it was no use, it was imprinted bitterly. Henry grabbed me by the waist flipping me over against the solid oak table. The firm push of his palm splayed my chest forcefully against the table top. Fusing my torso to the solid wood grain.

My body felt foreign.

“Spread your legs” he grunted.

I obliged, parting them as widely as I possibly could. His firm hold continued to press against my spine. An overwhelming bout of pressure pushed against my slit. A sweet burning ripped through me as he pushed into me from behind. Every inch further made me wince; the pain was only just bearable. My hip bones rubbed vigorously against the table as he continuously pounded into me. Unbearable pressure against my near faded bruise was emanating immense pain which far surpassed the distress of his dick inside of me. This felt like complete torture. Why? It shouldn’t be like this? Should it? I shouldn’t feel like this surely?

He was fucking me hard. No consideration for my needs or pain threshold. His body pounding against mine repetitively, the sensation of his balls slapping against my skin was enough to make me want to vomit. I was so restricted, so confined. My body was unable to move under the pressure of his hold. His voice let out a raging groan filled with radiating pleasure. All I could do was count the minutes until he had finished. I made a few noises and moaned in the right places. I was just grateful that all he could see was the back of my head. Nothing about this felt good. He was like a savage in need of his release.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

“Morning gorgeous”,

“Morning” I replied,

I felt wrong, wrong was the only word that entered my mind, it was the only simple little word that I could find to describe how I was feeling. The word was not a good enough example to describe the hurt and anguish I really felt inside but it summed it up in the purest simplicity. For me everything about my relationship with Henry was wrong. Over the last six months he had started working more and more, leaving me alone in our oversized home with no job, no life. When Henry did come home for a few days at a time all he usually wanted was a quick fuck. Sex became just that with Henry, simply sex. No love or emotion and I learned to live without it. I didn’t want to feel used and left alone after every session of him pounding against me so I started to ‘not be in the mood’ a lot more. We never had fun together outside of these four walls. I wanted to go out dancing with him and enjoy our relationship, converse, do what normal couples did. But his work ultimately came first. I was aware of that fact when I met him and yet I didn’t think to contemplate what our relationship would ultimately become when he first fired me. Who I would become.

Sunday’s had started to become the most mundane day of my week as it was normally filled with lame attempts to deter Henry from initiating sex. Bombarding myself with washing, cleaning and ironing to make sure my hands were constantly occupied.

“Are you excited about today?” Henry asked nuzzling into my neck.

“Very”. A huge grin spread across my face, it was my sister Alexis’ 21th birthday and she had booked Mahiki for drinks this evening. It was one of the hottest clubs in London. Intimate, on trend with a superb playlist. I loved it there. The best bit was Lucy was going to be there too. I loved Lex implicitly and felt like we were finally having a chance of being sisters again. Mum’s death had affected us both deeply. I held onto my emotions and buried them deep inside of myself, trying to focus on making sure my life did not follow her path. I had bills to pay and Lex to look after. Lex handled her grief differently. She rebelled, fought out and pushed me away. I was the one person who found mum as she laid there completely defenceless, cold. Lex resented me for years for not allowing her to see mum one last time in the mortuary. She was only fifteen when mum passed and I wasn’t prepared to let my little sister’s memory be tainted by seeing her the way she was. Lex will never know, but I wish I had never seen mum the way I found her.

Henry slid out of bed and left the room. I closed my eyes again and thoughts of the tall stranger’s arms encasing me swept across my mind. I felt safe. A huge bang startled me, pulling me from the warmth of my dream.

“Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to wake you, again.”

“That’s ok”, I glanced down and saw his black luggage case at his feet, seemingly heavy and already packed.

“What are you doing?”

“I have got to go away again, sorry darling”. He said it so calmly thinking that this would be the only explanation I would require. Why would I deserve anything more, I am of course only his fiancée. It sounded like a prefabricated response, ready for his mouth to spill to me upon my inquisition.

“Away? But you are coming to Alexis’ party with me? You were just going to go?”

“Sorry baby, I have to go, I have a huge meeting with some suppliers, I would have left a note.”

“Are you kidding me? You only told me last night you could still go with me. How long will you be gone?”

“Fourteen nights”

“Fourteen nights, whoa, this is bullshit Henry, why didn’t you tell me about this?”

“Yes Fourteen nights, it’s a little thing called work Evie, not that you would know what that is. Don’t get on my fucking case”.

A lump mounded in my throat and tears began to fall. I wanted to work, I needed to work, he wouldn’t let me and now that’s my fault?

“Don’t start with the crying bullshit, it won’t work on me, I have to go, I will email you when I arrive”.

I stood up out of bed knowing that I was going to push him too far, but at that moment in time I didn’t care. The aftermath of my outburst was inconsequential at this moment.

“That’s not good enough Henry, you won’t let me work. You can’t just keep disappearing and leaving me here like this.”

With one swift movement I found myself falling backwards onto the bed. The slap of his hand against my cheek left my skin burning. My hands instinctively clutched my throbbing cheek. My tears ground to a halt, stifling my cries. I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing the physical pain he inflicted on me. I wouldn’t be that woman.

Henry bent down kissed me on my forehead and walked out of our room.

“I might recommend you being in a better frame of mind when I return.” He called from the landing.