L. Miller - Gilded Wings

“Promise me you won’t say anything, please.” I quietly begged. “You said you would always be here. Don’t judge me, please. Not you. He loves me Lucy, we are having a baby together”. I sighed.

Lucy looked at me. He eyes filled with angst and sorrow.

“I don’t know what you expect me to say”.

“Nothing, I don’t expect you to say anything.” I paused. “I pushed him too far. He was away with another woman. I called him on it when he got home. I was vulgar. I shouldn’t have mentioned it to him. I am no better. Look at how close I allowed myself to get with Connor”.

“So he has an affair, lies to you, hits you and yet you are still blaming yourself for HIS actions”. Her voice became raised.

“Please don’t shout at me. It’s not as simple as you think. I am pregnant with his baby. If I leave him I have no job, no home, no family. How can I bring a baby into that? I have had sex with him once in two months Lucy. That’s not right. It doesn’t condone his behaviour but might explain it”.

“He hit you Evie”. A tear rolled down her cheek. “Has he done it before?”

“No”, I lied. “It was just this once. It’s not right but I was in his face screaming at him. If he knew I was pregnant he never would have touched me”.

“And you believe that?” Her eyebrows hitched waiting for my response. She didn’t believe that. I don’t think I even believed that.

“Yes I believe that”.

“Please think about this Evie, you have me, you have Lex, we can help. You don’t have to stay with him.”

“This isn’t about me anymore.”

The atmosphere between us was tense. I knew she was only looking out for my best interests.

“I should go”.

“I love you Evie. You know that. But if you go back to him I will not be there to watch you marry him”.

Tears welled in both of our eyes and I wrapped my arms around her. “I know”. I whispered.

Her arms held me in a tight embrace.

We were saying goodbye.

The past six days had passed in quick succession. It was finally here. Today, in three hours precisely I would become Mrs. Webber.

I had barely seen Henry for the past week. I was unexpectedly relieved by this. The wedding had taken over. Henry and his mother has meeting after meeting with the wedding planner, florists, venue and caterers. I was a mere addition to the room. My suggestions went unnoticed and my opinion never asked. Vivienne was thrilled. She wanted to be in charge. Boss people about and control every aspect of her dear son’s life. This was her chance to shine and boy was she doing it.

I climbed out of my bath. It was time. I couldn’t hide in here any longer. As I walked through to my bedroom wrapped in my silk robe I was take a back by the vision of Lex, she was stunning.

“Wow, Lex you look beautiful”, I teared up seeing the loving looking she had in her eyes. Alexis was evolving into such a beautiful young woman.

“Oh don’t make me cry sis. I’ve just had my make up done”. She hugged me tightly and I didn’t want to let her go. If I did I was afraid I would finally loose every link to my family.

“Shame Lucy couldn’t come. I can’t believe she has food poisoning”.

I knew in my gut Lucy wouldn’t come today, but a small part of me kept wishing for the impossible. Hoping.

“I know, I’m going to miss her today”.

“Come on don’t cry.”

I sat in front of the propped up mirror the hair stylish has brought with her. I didn’t recognize myself. The face in the mirror was practically a stranger; it petrified me. I glanced down watching my hands unable to look at the woman I had become.

The stylist back combed and brushed my hair out. Sectioning it and wrapping large foam rollers in. Individually pinning them into place. As they set the make-up artist began her work. I rested my hands over my stomach protectively holding my baby. My tiny growing bean.

After thirty minutes of brushing and sweeping the hair stylist disappeared allowing time for the rollers to set. I sat, deep in thought. Trying to evaluate my life in its entirety. Trying to establish some sense of purpose. I was empty, nothing apart from my growing baby gave my life purpose. A tousled mismatch of images, flooding my mind, none clearly defining anything other than the mess of my existence. I haven’t cried in days, not once. Every time I try to summon the tears, it’s like the well inside of me is bone dry. There’s nothing there. Nothing left.

After twenty minutes my hair stylist returned. She removed the rollers one by one allowing my brunette locks cascade in soft romantic curls. Braiding two pieces of hair either side of my temples and pinning them at the back of my head. I looked into the mirror and finally I smiled. I felt beautiful. My hair was sultry boho and my make up was naturally chic. Smokey kohl highlighting my blue eyes. Lex unhooked my dress from the hanger and helped me slip into it. I stood in front of the mirror as she buttoned the back. I was consumed with fear and regret. Looking at myself in the mirror I was aware I should be blissfully happy. This is exactly how I dreamed of looking on my wedding day. I just found myself wishing I would be marrying someone else.

“It’s time Evie”, Lex called up to me.

I slipped on my crystal strapped Manolo stilettos and took my first step out of the house. This was it. No turning back.

The cream vintage Bentley was beautiful. The tan leather interior complimented the neutral colours. Lex looked stunning in her black lace dress. I wouldn’t have thought it possible to look even more outstanding than when we first bought them, but with her hair pulled into a side bun and her flawless make up she simply looked like perfection.

She took my hand and we sat in silence for the rest of the journey.

As the Bentley drove into the grounds it really took my breath away. The 18^th century mansion was beautiful. Palladian, sitting centred in over one hundred acres of picturesque greenery. Hues of Lavender and blue wild flowers framing the perfectly sculpted architecture.

“Ready?”

“Ready” I smiled trying to frame the apprehension in my tone.

Lex slipped out of the car first, graciously. She walked around the front of the bonnet until she arrived at my door offering her hand to help me out of the car.

We walked arm in arm up the natural slate steps to huge double doors which lead us into the entrance hall of the house.

We were greeted by a smart looking woman in a dress suit.

“Hello Everline, My name is Greta and I am your wedding planner”.

I took her extended hand to shake it. “It is so lovely to finally meet with you. I will show you to your private suite where you can wait until you are ready to walk down the aisle.”

Greta indicated for us to follow her. She led us right into a stone walled corridor. At the end of the corridor was a wooden door with ‘Bride’ inscribed on it. Greta opened the door for me. The room was pretty and was filled with the scent of sweet peas.

“You have about fifteen minutes and then I will come back to fetch you. Your florist will hand you your flowers in the great hall then the doors to the ceremony room will be opened for you to walk down.”

“Thank you Greta”

Greta left the room closing the door behind her. The sound of the door shutting was my queue to exhale. Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes until I am a married woman. My stomach let out a groan, I haven’t eaten all day. I am starving and my baby bean must want something too.

“Hey Lex, could you do something for me?” Fluttering my eyelashes at her.

“Depends what it is,” she said coyly as her mouth softened into a smile

“I am starving. I haven’t eaten since last night and my baby is probably doing somersaults by now”. I patiently waited for her reaction.

“Baby!!! Oh my god, you’re pregnant?”

I nodded and before I could say anything else she grabbed me into a tight embrace.

“Of course I will get your poor starved baby food! Aunty won’t let you starve now”. She winked. Lex practically skipped out of the room. “I will be as quick as possible”.

I walked toward the large bay window which overlooked the meadow. It was beautiful. The tree branches swayed gently against the soft wind. The first indication of Autumn upon us, the beautiful amber shades of the fallen leaves. I wanted to enjoy this tranquil view and forget about today.

My thoughts were broken when I heard the door open. She was quick.

“You were quick, Lex”. I turned around.

My heart thumped vigorously. No. Not now. My body defied me, inexplicable turmoil poured through me. I could barely talk. My lips trembling.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He tone was harsh and filled with anger.

“Tell you what Connor?” My heart sank; I knew what he was insinuating.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, “Please don’t do this Evie, not now”. I was about to speak when he continued. “He cheated on you?”

“Connor, he only did the same as what happened between us, I am the last person to judge on someone’s faithfulness”.

“He punched you”. He words were said bitterly harsh, not said as a question.

I flinched as his words floated around the room. The memory. The ear splitting thud of his fist against me jaw. The pain. “Connor don’t.”

He stepped towards me. My body betrayed me, wanting to feel his touch one last time. Our faces were just inches apart. I couldn’t help but look into his eyes, they held so much pain. His breath was so warm. “Don’t what? He punched you Evie, that is not what a man does to the woman he loves”.