Jill Shalvis - Get a Clue

"Why?"

She reached for her glass of wine, her hand shaking. Because I'm on my honeymoon, remember?"

"You didn't get married today, remember?"

“Yes. I do remember that part," she said softly, face averted.

Ah, hell. He was an ass, especially since he knew how she felt. He'd also once had a woman walk away from him.

Only at least he'd seen it coming. Annie had chafed long and hard beneath the impossible hours Cooper had put in on his job. She'd broken under the strain only six months before he had, but she'd been long gone by the time he'd been free.

It no longer mattered, though, because he still deeply resented how she'd never accepted that part of him. In fact, few had. "Look," he said more gently, "consider it this way. The guy's an idiot for letting you get away."

She snorted her agreement and poured herself more wine.

"And anyway, in the long run, he did you a favor."

"Yeah? How's that?"

"He left you free to take advantage of the next best thing to come along."

She regarded him for a long moment, her bitterness and sadness draining away, replaced by a reluctant smile. "You know, just when I think you're part of my worst nightmare, you go and say something almost human. And definitely profound."

He smiled and lifted his glass in a silent toast.

"Days and days," she murmured again after another long sip. "Can you imagine?"

"It could be worse."

"How?"

"You could be stuck here with your ex."

She rolled her eyes. "You're very helpful tonight."

"I try." He dug back into the cheese and crackers, and was well on his way to filling his rumbling belly when something hit him on the nose and landed on his plate.

A grape.

"What was that?" he asked.

She looked it over. "I believe it's a grape."

"I can see that, smart-ass. I'm wondering why it was bouncing off my nose."

"Gee, I haven't a clue." Looking as if she felt a great deal better, she rose. "Good night," she said loftily, and grabbing her plate and the bottle of wine, headed toward the door, where she'd undoubtedly go sit in front of the warm, toasty fire while he climbed the dark stairs and had to light his own and wait for it to heat the room, hoping it did so before his balls froze off. " 'Night," he muttered, watching her curvy little bod practically quiver with her superiority. "Sleep tight. Oh, and…" He paused for effect. "Don't let the monsters bite."

Her step faltered but she recovered, and with that pert little nose thrust high, kept going.

Breanne kept her nose in the air until she left the formal dining room and found herself in the dark with nothing to guide her except for a faint glow from far down the hallway.

The fire from inside the great room.

Or so she hoped, anyway. She wished now she'd brought that vibrator as a flashlight instead of leaving it on the couch. Standing there all alone with the huge mansion surrounding her, the corners and far reaches unknown, she felt her belly quiver unpleasantly. "You're a big girl," she whispered to herself, and holding her plate and bottle of wine, took a tentative step toward the orange glow. "A big girl who's calm in the face of adversity." Another step. "A big girl who doesn't believe in haunted houses or monsters-"

Something creaked, probably just the house, but she jerked as if shot, then thought, the hell with this. She burst into a run, her wet boots squeaking, wine jostling, grapes flying, skidding to a halt just inside the great room. Panting, she shut the doors, then leaned back against them.

In front of her, the fire crackled. The downy-soft leather couches looked inviting. Perfect for snuggling up on a night like this. She pushed away from the doors and headed toward them.

Halfway there, the doors opened behind her, and with a startled gasp she whipped around, dropping both the plate and the bottle of wine.

"Just me," Shelly said quickly. "Sorry."

Right, just Shelly. Because there were no boogeymen or monsters anywhere in this house.

Shelly crouched down to help pick up the dropped plate. "You okay?"

"Sure." Except now the wine had spilled. She really could have used the rest of that bottle. "Sorry about the mess."

"Don't worry about it. It's not my usual fare, anyway. Trust me, once the power comes back on and I feed you, you'll think you've died and gone to heaven."

"I'll look forward to that." She looked up when another woman appeared in the doorway.

"Breanne, this is Lariana," Shelly said. "She's the maid here."

Lariana was not petite like Shelly or average like Breanne, but a tall, curvaceous, exotic creature, the kind women envied and men killed for. She wore tight black trousers and a white Lycra satin blouse with the top and bottom buttons undone, emphasizing her tiny waist and huge boobs. These were thrust forward due to her five-inch stiletto heels that had Breanne both envious and wincing at the thought of being on them all day long.

"Welcome," Lariana said. She had a beautiful Latin complexion and dark hair piled up on top of her head, with long strands artfully drifting free. She was incredibly beautiful and yet somehow also incredibly intimidating at the same time. "I have a warm bedroom for you upstairs," she said to Breanne, her voice soft, cultured, and slightly accented. Though she couldn't have been more than a few years older than Breanne, she spoke with far more elegance and grace.

Feeling sloppy and out of place, Breanne tugged at Cooper's sweats. "Did the heat kick on? We have electricity?"

"No," Lariana said regretfully. "But I started a fire for you in an upstairs bedroom."

"Which means no freezing to death tonight," Shelly said. Her smile faded at a long look from Lariana. "What? That's good news, right?"

Lariana didn't roll her eyes, nothing so obvious, but Shelly still looked chastened. "Yeah, um… How about that snow, huh? Crazy stuff."

Lariana shook her head and moved through the room, scooping up Breanne's wet sweater and jeans, holding them up with two fingers as if they were dirty instead of just wet. "I'll get these washed."

"Oh, no, that's not necessary," Breanne said, feeling as if she should have cleaned up for the maid.

"It is part of your service." Lariana's expression was perfectly even, and perfectly lofty. "Where is your groom?"

"He's…" The hell with it. "He dumped me." She waited for some sign of superiority from Lariana.

But the maid dropped her icy expression immediately. "Men are such scum," she said with feeling. "Bottom feeders. Kvery last one of them."

"Not every last one," Shelly said quietly. "Some are good."

"Take off the rose-colored glasses, Pollyanna," Lariana said.

"So I'm hopeful-so what?" Shelly lifted her chin. "She'll find another man. A better one."

"No, thank you," Breanne interjected. "No more men."

"Ever?" Lariana asked, intrigued.

"Ever."

Lariana didn't look convinced. "They are scum, but once in a while, they are good for a few things…"

Breanne picked up the vibrator, waggled it. "Anything that this can't take care of?"

Shelly gasped, but Lariana burst out laughing. "I have extra batteries, when you need."

Shelly looked scandalized. And desperate to change the subject. "I still can't believe Edward messed up and booked two of you for the same week." She tossed a big log onto the fire. "He never messes up."

Lariana snorted her opinion of that, and when Shelly looked at her, more unspoken communication passed between them. "I need to get back to the kitchen," Shelly said.

"You do that." Lariana moved to the fireplace. "You can't just add a piece of hard wood, Shelly-it'll die. You have to put in some kindling, too."

Shelly ignored her and joined Breanne by the couch. "Don't let her intimidate you while I'm gone," she whispered as they both watched Lariana handle the fire like a pro.

"She is pretty intimidating," Breanne admitted.

"It's all an act. You should have seen her the last time Edward yelled at her. She cried."

"Edward yells at you guys?"

Shelly laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. "Just remember, she's human. I mean, she's sleeping with Patrick, for God's sake."

"Patrick?"

"Our fix-it guy."

"Does he clink spookily when he walks?"

Shelly grinned. "Aye, mate, that he does," she said in perfect imitation of Patrick's accent.

Breanne looked back at the cool, classy-looking Lariana poking at the fire and tried to picture her with the tall, skinny, almost gangly, redheaded Patrick. "Are you sure?"

"Oh, yeah."

Lariana rose, and with Breanne's clothes over her arm, moved toward the door, picking up the carry-on as well. "Please follow me, Ms. Mooreland."

"Breanne," Breanne said, but Lariana was already gone.

Unless she wanted to say good-bye to her bag and everything in it, she didn't have much choice but to follow Lariana out into the pitch-black hallway. Ahead of her, the maid moved quickly and briskly, her heels tapping as she pulled a flashlight out of nowhere to light their way.

They came to a fork in the hallway.

"Down that way is the movie theater, with thousands of DVDs to pick from," Lariana said, sounding like a tour guide. "On the other side is the gym, complete with sauna and indoor pool, and if you want, Shelly is also an excellent masseuse."