Sylvain Reynard - Gabriel’s Redemption

She raised her voice, creating a scene.

Within minutes, Mark contacted the Professor and asked that he please meet his guest in the lobby.

Paulina smiled triumphantly.

But her smile disappeared when she saw him, his expression furious, his eyes snapping, as he walked toward her. He grabbed her elbow roughly and half-dragged her through the lobby and out to the semicircular driveway in front of the building.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he spat, releasing her.

Paulina retreated a step, surprised by his fury.

“Well?” he demanded.

“I wanted to talk to you. I’ve been here for weeks. You wouldn’t see me!”

“We are not having this conversation again. I said all I had to say to you back in Selinsgrove. You know where you stand.”

He turned to go back into the building, but she caught his arm.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Her voice faltered as she blinked back tears.

Gabriel’s expression softened. Marginally.

“Paulina, it’s over. It’s been over for a while. I’m not trying to do anything to you other than persuade you to move on with your life. And to let me move on with mine.”

She looked up at him as the tears began to fall.

“But I love you. We have a history!”

Gabriel closed his eyes for a moment, and a pained look spread across his face.

He opened his eyes.

“I’m in love with someone else. I’m sleeping, exclusively, with someone else.”

“Yes, you are. And she’s your student.”

“Careful,” he growled.

She tossed her hair behind her shoulders.

“It’s remarkable the kind of information you can gather in a city of this size. Antonio from Harbour Sixty was quite forthcoming.”

He stepped closer. “You didn’t.”

“I did. Funny how you took her to the restaurant you always take me to when I’m in town.”

“I haven’t taken you there in a very long time, Paulina. Even after we stopped—” He paused, struggling.

“After we stopped—fucking, Gabriel? Why can’t you say it? We’ve been fucking for years.”

“Keep your voice down!”

“I’m not your dirty little secret. We were friends. We had a relationship. You can’t just ignore me and treat me as if I were trash.”

“I’m sorry for how I treated you. But listen to yourself. Don’t you think you deserve to be the center of someone’s universe? Instead of chasing after someone who wants someone else?”

She tore her eyes from his. “You always wanted other women. Even when I was pregnant. Why should now be any different?”

He flinched. “Because you deserve to be with someone who wants you as much as you want him. It’s time to move on. It’s time to be happy.”

“You make me happy,” she whispered. “You’re all I want.”

“I’m in love with Julianne and I’m going to marry her.” He sounded determined.

“I don’t believe you. You’ll come back. You always come back.” She wiped a few tears away with the back of her hand.

“Not this time. In the past, I was weak and you held my guilt over me. But no more. We can’t see each other and we can’t speak. I’ve been patient with you and I’ve tried to help, but I’m done. As of today, your trust fund is frozen.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“I will. If you go back to Boston and begin seeing a therapist, I’ll see that you continue receiving support. But if you contact me again, or if you do anything to hurt Julianne, you’ll be cut off. Permanently.” He leaned forward menacingly. “And that includes doing anything to hurt her life as a student.”

“You’d do that? You’d just throw me away? I’ve sacrificed my life for you. I lost my academic career!”

Gabriel’s jaw clenched.

“I never wanted you to do that. I did everything I could to help you stay at Harvard. You dropped out.”

“Because of what happened to me. Because of what happened to us!”

His hands fisted at his sides.

“I don’t deny that I’ve behaved abominably and you have every reason to be angry. But my admission doesn’t change the fact that this has to end. Today.”

He leveled his gaze on her and for a moment, he wore a look of compassion.

“Good-bye, Paulina. Be well.”

He moved toward the sliding doors.

“You can’t. You won’t!”

His face wore a look of steely resolve.

“I already have.”

Gabriel walked into the Manulife Building without a backward glance, leaving Paulina outside, crying, and standing in the snow.

May 2010

St. James the Apostle Cemetery

West Roxbury, Massachusetts

Gabriel stood in front of the stone angels, their twin forms positioned like sentries on either side of the memorial. The angels were made of marble, their skin white and perfect. They faced him, wings spread wide, with a name etched on the marker that sat between them.

The monument reminded him of the memorials in Santa Croce, in Florence. The likeness was intentional, since this monument was crafted after his own design.

As he regarded the angels, he thought back to his time in Italy, of his volunteer work with the Franciscans. Of his experience next to St. Francis’s crypt. Of his separation from Julianne.

If only he could wait until July first, there would be the possibility of reunion. But Gabriel wasn’t sure that she’d forgive him. He wasn’t sure anyone would forgive him, but he had to try.

He reached into his pocket and retrieved his cell phone, dialing a number from the contact list.

“Gabriel?”

He took a deep breath. “Paulina. I need to see you.”

“What’s wrong?”

He turned his back on the monument, somehow unable to speak to her while staring at the name that was carved in stone.

“I just need to see you for an hour, to talk. Can we meet tomorrow?”

“I’m in Minnesota. What’s this about?”

“I’ll fly to Minneapolis tonight. Can we meet?” He was insistent, his voice tense and thin.

She sighed heavily. “Fine. Let’s meet at a Caribou Coffee tomorrow morning. I’ll email the address.”

She paused, and Gabriel could hear her fidgeting in the background.

“You’ve never flown across country to talk to me.”

He clenched his teeth. “No, I haven’t.”

“Our last conversation wasn’t exactly pleasant. You left me outside your building, crying.”

“Paulina.” His tone was slightly pleading.

“Then you cut off all contact.”

Gabriel began to pace, the phone pressed tightly to his ear.

“I did. And then what happened?”

She was quiet for a moment.

“I went home.”

He stopped pacing.

“You should have gone home years ago, and I should have encouraged you to do it.”

Silence reverberated between them.

“Paulina?”

“This is going to hurt, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know,” he confessed. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

He ended the call and hung his head before returning to the grave of their child.

* * *

Paulina was nervous. She’d been utterly humiliated during her confrontation with Gabriel in the lobby of the Manulife Building. Acutely aware of her dependence on prescription sleep aids and alcohol, along with her dependence on her trust fund, she did what she’d sworn she would never do. She went home.

She found a job. She moved into a modest but nice apartment. Even more incredibly, she met someone. Someone kind and loving, who wanted her and only her. Someone who would never look at another woman for the length of their relationship, and possibly, beyond.

Now Gabriel wanted to talk, in person.

Paulina loved Gabriel. But she also feared him. He’d been elusive and unattainable, even when she was pregnant and they’d lived together. There was always a part of him that he would never let her touch. She knew it. She accepted it. But she never liked it and she always felt his distance hanging over her, like a dark cloud that might pour rain at any moment.

In the aftermath of their final confrontation, she realized he would never love her. She’d thought that Gabriel was simply incapable of love. But when she heard him speak about Julianne, it became clear that he was capable of loving someone and being faithful. How tragic that the woman he was capable of loving was someone other than her.

Once she accepted it, a degree of freedom accompanied the inevitable pain and longing. She was no longer a slave trying to win her master’s affection. She was no longer someone with limited aspirations, putting her future on hold in order to keep herself available for him.

As she entered the Caribou Coffee shop, she felt strong for the first time in years. It would be difficult to see him but she’d made so much progress in other areas of her life, surely she could make progress in her relationship with him.

She found him sitting at a table for two in the back of the shop, his long fingers wrapped around a coffee mug. He was wearing a jacket and a button-down shirt but no tie. His trousers were clean and pressed and his hair was tidy. He was wearing his glasses, which surprised her, since he only wore them while reading.

When he saw her, he stood.

“Can I buy you a coffee?” He offered her a restrained smile.

“Yes, please.” She smiled in return but felt awkward. In the past he’d usually greeted her with a kiss, but now he maintained a polite, proper distance.

“Still taking your coffee with skim milk and sweetener?”

“That’s right.”

He moved to the counter as she took the chair opposite his.